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Let me just start out saying that I know that I have anxiety and OCD and sometimes I have panic attacks. I started having anxiety after me and my ex husband split because I walked in on him in the bed with another woman. A few of my friends that smokes weed convinced me one day to try it. They said it would make me quit worrying, and relax me and blah blah blah. However, it sent me straight into a full blown panic attack that lasted for hours until I finally took a nap. I felt a little strange after that and was a little nervous about everything. Anyways, after my divorce was final I started talking to a guy (now my husband) and we hit it off fairly quickly. After about 6 months I caught him in some lies, I just moved in with him, I got laid off from my job of 2 years with no money from me coming in, and thats when I had my first panic attack. I had never had but one panic attack before this one and again it is when I smoked that weed for the first and only and last time ever. So naturally I related my panic attack to when I smoked weed and thought my husband had put weed in my food or in my drink....I knew deep down it was just a thought and that he would never do that....I mean he don't even smoke weed, but I was still paranoid about it. I had this anxiety and panic for about 11 months before I finally said Im done....I will not fear this crap anymore. I tried medications that did not really seem to help but only make it worse. Ive been to every doctor known to make sure I was healthy physically, and I am. I went to a psychiatrist who mentioned bipolar one time, and then came back and said I definitely was not she thinks it is just anxiety and ocd but she kept wanting to try me on every medication possible and I wanted to try to beat it myself. She would not even listen to me for telling me about this medication and that medication. So I decided to try a therapist who I have now been going to for 6 months. I have seen a LOT of improvement in my panic attacks, I have very few now. Maybe one or two a months ....verses 2-3 a day. And remember all this started out of nowhere.
Well about a months ago. I caught my husband keeping a secret from me....not about another woman just a secret and for some reason I have a hard time when somebody lies to me. After all the lies told to me in my life it seems like one little lie or secret just pushes me over the edge. Anyways it was the week before "that time'" of the month, so I already was a little irritable. I got angry we fussed and argued for about 3 or 4 days off and on. I then would just wake up angry at him for no reason and I would talk myself down and say forgive him, its not healthy for me, all these things. Then week before last I had a slow week at work and I started shopping online. I didn't not spend "A LOT" of money but I was shopping more than I normally do, it almost felt addicting, but again I did not spend "too" much money or anything like that. I was having a hard time going to sleep at night. It would take me at least 30 minutes sometimes longer to go to sleep, I felt angry one minute and fine the next. I would keep dropping these unnecessary comments to my husband that caused us to fuss. I felt out of control as far as emotions go. Then I went to sleep one night and I told myself Im not going on about this I am going to wake up, I am going to ignore my thoughts, and I am done. Since then I have been fine. I have not shopped near as much. But now my thoughts are trying to tell me I was "manic" or hypomanic" during this time.
I am really just curious to know if people who are bipolar and know they are bipolar, does this sound like bipolar....is it my anxiety and OCD, is it something completely different maybe???
I know nobody can diagnose me here nor am i asking for anybody to, I just simply want to know are these any "common" symptoms usually linked to bipolar, or is my OCD and anxiety playing tricks on me again.....
Any advice will be greatly appreciate!!! xoxoxox
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