Meaning of life ?

Gift from my mum, my dad left when I was 2, recently got in contact with him and he still doesn't want to know, guess was doomed from a young age! Never have been liked! Now my own my own dad doesn't want to know just proves the theory!

Ya know dondon some of the hardest things to face are consequences men in particular sometimes find it hard to face they shoulda done more or been there more admitting fault is a hard thing to do, having to look at somebody you know you let down so much must be very hard ya know especially when you know that person didn't deserve that you know they are going to be angry and you get scared not of physical pain you get scared of your own thoughts having to face up to the fact you left someone behind and now there back stood right in front of you with questions you don't have good answers for running from problems becomes a habit a bad habit that does hard your dad he's running scared he doesn't have the answers for you he doesn't have any good answers so what else can he do but run he's probs thinks your stronger than he is ya know I'm not marking excuses for him there is none good enough in my opinion what I'm trying to do is make you realise it's not you he's running from it's his on guilt until he can face the consequences he's going keep running ya know x

He should have the answers though, nobody else does ! He's the only one that can tell me what's so wrong with me that he won't even talk to me!

Aww Hun there nothing wrong with you he can't do it. Excuse he has to admit he had no reason to walk away from you there's none good enough there's no reason a father can give that people will say well yeah man you had to walk away from the child none you see so he's lost the battle before it starts ya know he'll know he should never have done that you contacting him has brought into light what he's done ya know it's dawning on him god here's the person o should of been there for here is my child I should know everything about yet know nothing he's ashamed of what he's done that's not your failt that's his fault don't think it's you it's not at all you his guilty conscience is at work he's panicking what do I say it's been so long what do I know nothing how can this work their gonna be so angry he's not ready to put him self in the line of fire he's scared don't ever think it's you x

Ya wanna know what I'd do write a letter explain your not mad you don't need to know anything you want a relationship with him that's it you don't want to dwell on the past toubwant a future with him involved in it he'll come I bet I would if it were me you let him know it's safe what's done is done it can't be changed so let's start a fresh

Yes you'll have questions but all in time Hun Rome wasn't built in a day ya know start on good terms not ones of anger it's harder to walk away from someone once there have made a impact on your life ya know then you ask

If he was scared then me getting in contact wouldve been Easier wouldn't it? It's just hard to take rejection.! Especially for me !

I know it's silly but I hate not knowing! I always need to know reasons for things. People come and go and all I can think it has to be me.'if I don't get an explanation then my head makes its own conclusions and they aren't good although they're probably true. I just wish someone would tell me..."no"! It's not you! You know?

If you decided to do this and need any help in composing a letter then you pm me if you like I'll help you what have you got to lose hey at the moment you don't have a relationship with him right so if he takes no notice of the letter your in the same place as now but if he responds you life could get a whole lot better ya know is that not worth a chance

I've tried to contact him to make the effort but I was wasting my time 😞

Hun it's not you we all fear rejection ya know but what's worse hey never chancing it always wondering or giving it your best shot and then you can sit there with your head held high and say no one can say you didn't try right ya know I don't think any father would say no to meeting their child I imagine it'd be real scary like really poohing yourself but if you say let's just start a fresh show him your a mature person then he's going to say omg I have a chance here to right my wrongs I'm betting he'll take it ya know

That's not how it went though unfortunately, I felt like I was grovelling and realised it was too much as now I've been blocked! Was my only way of contact now I have none it's just hard!

YEs hun but I'm betting he shut you down before you had the chance to say anything right because he's expecting anger he's expecting you to ask why he knows he can't answer those questions so he doesn't allow them to be asked you think about it for a while if you put in a letter look I don't care about the time we have missed I don't care you must of had your reason etc all I care about is from today onward he has to read that and hear it you've taken the choice away once he reads that he's going to feel a huge weight has been lifted you start a relationship in time you'll get the answers you need if indeed you even need them by that point small steps Hun

If it were my child that did what I'm saying to donid be scared to death but my god would I go and see them you bet ya life I would as I'm sure most men would

Well you know him words are powerful and sometimes especially in text form they are mis understood let me explain that a little of you look at your first response to me and read it you feel the anger it was written with however as the conversation has progressed and because I have not given up on you your text and typing has become more calm and collected you see what I'm saying sometimes when we are hurt even in text we give away our feelings he's scared remember if you came across angry he's going to run you read your messages to me see if you see what I am saying

I'll give you a clue at first you make statements he this he that! About for messages down you start to ask questions your calming down thinking about things there's a huge difference in statements and questions it shows temperament

I'm sorry if I was abrupt/harsh to you I didn't mean to be x

But I have tried more than once with him and I've tried to be nice and understanding even though he should Be the one who should be understanding to me so I know it's not going to work

The calmer you got even allowed you to finish with an emoji that's progress you see you not unreachable x

Are you having a go? I'm unsure how to take you? I'm sorry I don't have the mind set to be able to read and disipher your replies at the moment. Sometimes I can read and understand comments but sometimes it's really hard for me to read especially when they're long. I'm not stupid it's just hard to concentrate long enough to read and understand. I'm sorry x

Hey no harm no foul you see it tho right now you think of the messages you sent honestly statements or questions I really want to help you ya know I got faith in you I knew you would start to calm it's just time and patients and your worth both x

No hunni I'm not having a go at all I think we need to work on calming you down a little and approach the subject a little differently I mean it's up to you I want to help you if nothing else I want you to be able to vent to me and express how your feeling