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Hi, ive recently started meditation to try and find inner peace and get relief from health anxiety due to 14 years of type 1 diabetes. I have tried meditating in the past a few times (blips of ten minute meditation for 2 - 3 days at a time, always seemed to just forget about it or not continue after that). However over the past 5 - 6 days ive been meditating at least twice a day for 10 - 20 minutes at a time. At first relief from my anxiety and compulsive health worries was excellent. After meditating id feel at one with everything, very relaxed and calm and get a general sense of well being. However, today at work after meditating for 10 minutes on my break, i started feeling seperated from reality (derealisation). It fealt as if my good work colleague and my boss werent real, and started questioning existance. I fealt as though everything i saw was an illusion and i fealt like i was the universe and that if there was no one to say (prove) otherwise how could i tell that this isnt all that there is? That my manifestation of things could just be everything in existance. I fealt very alone and massivley concerned at the time. This subsided after about 30 minutes of wondering if anything was real and i was even trying to make objects move with my mind (i did well to hide it, went away and did a slot location validation. I had my headphones on and avoided eye contact and talking as much as possible). I must say im glad it subsided, it was an experience thats for sure!! Its the first episode of derealisation ive ever had (I always question existance and have very philosophical thoughts, but its never manifested as literally losing touch with reality and believing that nothing was real but my own interpretation of things- although its been a thought in the past) I used to use pot regularly and it used to help me a great deal with stress (bit of a difficult upbringing, found pot was the only thing i had to help me relax and forget) but due to its anxiety enhancing effects in recent times i decided to cut down massively, and as of last week decided to quit for a good while if not for good. I have used psilocybin (magic mushrooms) with hope to help my anxiety in the past and that helped a load last year when i was going through a pretty bad phase of anxiety (depressed aswell i guess but hate saying im depressed because my outlook on life is so positive). I fealt connected with the earth and saw indescribably beautiful geometric imagery as well as appreciated music like never before. Id say i was on the border of a high dose but have never pushed it to the point of ego death (with me being diabetic that could be a problem.. i could certainly have a journey in the early hours of the morning as my blood sugars stay stable at this time, if anything go a little higher) I also have read and done a lot of reasearch on the depression and anxiety curing effects of high dose sessions with psilocybin. With my health anxiety and fear of dying, i believe psilocybin could be of great help and even moderate doses helped me a lot. There was only one incident when i was going through a terrible phase of anxiety i decided to do mushrooms with a not so close friend. 2g dose and fealt like id took a dodgy mushroom, was contemplating ringing an ambulance as my mind was saying youve took something dodgy you may die and i fealt great anxiety. When that subsided i went into what i call 'the appreciation phase' (has happened on every shroom trip ive had) which is where everything in life is put into perspective and you can only feel love and see the true miraculous beauty of what we are and the planet itself. This tends to be on the tailing off part of the experience when youre not tripping so hard but are sort of heading back to baseline. Thats what i want... I want to feel a sense of interconnectedness and security and to feel blessed and loved, and mushrooms have certainly helped me with that side of things. I'd love to do a high dose session at some point and rebuild my ego and thought processes... I just cant understand why i would feel derealisation from meditation... it seems like something that could benefit me massivley as my mind is always working overtime and worrying about my health. I plan to continue meditating for now as i dont believe ive gave myself enough time to explore its potentials, but really dont want to feel so detached from reality after meditation. Advice? Any personal experiences and/or ways to avoid this? P.s my diabetes is well controlled although sometimes optimum control is difficult. On insulin injections 2 to 5 times and do around 40 blood sugar readings a day. Much much love people.
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