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Hi, I am hoping there is someone I can talk with as I am trying not to show my worries to my family. I go to the bathroom to cry which is pretty often.
I blame myself that I got into this mess. About one month after I gave birth (I was 41 years old) a tiny dark flat mole suddenly appeared on the side of my knee about 2-3mm, I noticed it because I virtually have no moles, maybe a hand full of what you might call freckles here and there. I thought it was just post pregnancy moles, because I also got skin tags and lots of cherry angiomas as well. I just labelled it as my ugly mole and never considered it could be something of concern Three years on, this mole never went away, I never found it suspicious because I am quite uneducated with regards to moles and melanomas since I never saw myself having a mole problem. NAIVITY at it's finest!.
About a month ago I read up on mole melanoma and looked closer at my one mole. I became concerned because I had spent most of my youth in the sun unprotected. I have also used tanning beds in the past I am a dark haired but have light coloured mediterranean skin that does not burn so easily. I can probably sit in the sun for a good 30-40mins before I start to burn and even then, by the evening it will just turn to a tan colour. I think I might be skin type 3 or 4. But as a child I never had sun protection and as a young adult I have to admit I pushed my boundaries and have burnt myself like a red lobster several times.
I blame my stupidity and ignorance now and hate myself for it. So a few days ago I visited the dermatologist, while I don't think the mole ever grew or evolved much, it caused serious visual concerns to the dr, who had it immediately removed and sent for a biopsy. She told me she doesn’t think its melanoma but probably atypical but really, how does she know this? I have to wait 12 days for the biopsy results and I don’t know how I can last until then. I am an emotional mess, I don’t know how to cope. Every research I have done points to the fact that most likely its cancer and probably spread since I allowed it for years to sit on my leg and it had a good chance to spread in my body.
I don’t except anyone to diagnose me on this forum, just someone to talk to because I can’t do it with my family. my husband thinks I am overemotional and every time i look at my 3 year old, I cry. I have convinced myself that it's melanoma, and after 3 years of doing nothing, I allowed it to spread to my body and that I am going to die soon. I am scared, I want to see my son grow up more than anything and I want to be there every step for him. He won't remember if I die, he's too young.
sorry for my ramblings, as I said before, I am an emotional mess.
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