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Hi, I am hoping there is someone I can talk with as I am trying not to show my worries to my family. I go to the bathroom to cry which is pretty often.

I blame myself that I got into this mess. About one month after I gave birth (I was 41 years old) a tiny dark flat mole suddenly appeared on the side of my knee about 2-3mm, I noticed it because I virtually have no moles, maybe a hand full of what you might call freckles here and there. I thought it was just post pregnancy moles, because I also got skin tags and lots of cherry angiomas as well. I just labelled it as my ugly mole and never considered it could be something of concern Three years on, this mole never went away, I never found it suspicious because I am quite uneducated with regards to moles and melanomas since I never saw myself having a mole problem. NAIVITY at it's finest!.

About a month ago I read up on mole melanoma and looked closer at my one mole. I became concerned because I had spent most of my youth in the sun unprotected. I have also used tanning beds in the past I am a dark haired but have light coloured mediterranean skin that does not burn so easily. I can probably sit in the sun for a good 30-40mins before I start to burn and even then, by the evening it will just turn to a tan colour. I think I might be skin type 3 or 4. But as a child I never had sun protection and as a young adult I have to admit I pushed my boundaries and have burnt myself like a red lobster several times.

I blame my stupidity and ignorance now and hate myself for it. So a few days ago I visited the dermatologist, while I don't think the mole ever grew or evolved much, it caused serious visual concerns to the dr, who had it immediately removed and sent for a biopsy. She told me she doesn’t think its melanoma but probably atypical but really, how does she know this? I have to wait 12 days for the biopsy results and I don’t know how I can last until then. I am an emotional mess, I don’t know how to cope. Every research I have done points to the fact that most likely its cancer and probably spread since I allowed it for years to sit on my leg and it had a good chance to spread in my body.

I don’t except anyone to diagnose me on this forum, just someone to talk to because I can’t do it with my family. my husband thinks I am overemotional and every time i look at my 3 year old, I cry. I have convinced myself that it's melanoma, and after 3 years of doing nothing, I allowed it to spread to my body and that I am going to die soon. I am scared, I want to see my son grow up more than anything and I want to be there every step for him. He won't remember if I die, he's too young.

sorry for my ramblings, as I said before, I am an emotional mess.

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  • Posted


    I had this exact same thing happen after the birth of my second child. Hormones caused a black mole to develop on my chest. I had it looked at and biopsy said it needed to be removed as it was a clarks nevus (which is like a pre-melanoma). You are doing the right thing getting it removed!!

    Stay positive and the good thing is the doctor also thinks it is atypical as well.

    I actually go for yearly skin checkups after I had it removed. I had a few other removed that were atypical and of course I had a third child which brought out more.

    All the best!

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  • Posted

    Good morning,

    Like you, I spent most of my life exposed to the sun. I had a mole on my left forearm which had been there many years. One day my wife commented that it seemed to be changing shape. We monitored it and eventually I went to my gp. I was reffered to dermatology clinic and it, along with four others were remover for biopsy. The one on my arm was a malignant melanoma, luckily still within stage one. I had further tissue removed and have been okay for over four years now. I no longer go out into the sunlight but do take D vitamins daily as recommended by my dermatologist. I hope your results are good news.


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    • Posted

      Hi, thank you for reaching out, I am glad that they caught yours at a non-invasive stage that was cured. For myself I am worried because I left this thing on my leg for 3 and half years due to my ignorance. I cannot hate myself more for my stupidity.

      I had a complete blood work done yesterday just as a precautionary check up and the results are pretty normal other than a slightly higher than normal wbc but doctor has said it is probably stress related.

      Next week I will get the biopsy results but my stress levels are going through the roof. One minute I think I can cope and the next I am convinced I am going to die.

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  • Posted

    I had my biopsy results today. It was Cancer stage 0, no further treatment is necessary but I learned my lesson now about sun and solariums. Also the last two weeks waiting for the results was a huge eye opener for me on my life, my family and everything that's important to me. I feel like I have been given another chance in life.

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  • Posted

    I'm so happy for you that your melanoma was caught very early. Waiting for test results is the absolute worst. Four years ago, I had a spot on my face that had been there for two years (which I thought was a freckle). I went to the dermatologist to have it removed for vanity reasons. As soon as the dermatologist looked at it, she said it needed to be biopsied. She called me within three days to tell me it was melanoma in-situ (stage 0), and referred me to a plastic surgeon for removal. I haven't had any recurrence, but have had 3 BCC's and 5 pre-cancerous moles removed. I have 6-month skin exams and am diligent about staying out of the sun completely. Even when I drive, I make sure I put sunscreen on my hands and use a makeup with SPF. I live in a state where the UV index is very high. Best to you!

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