Melbi stops taking Citalopram

Hi Melbi,

Brave or reckless, strong and/or fed up!

I admire you for taking a stand, but sweetheart, please repeat after me:

\"I WILL ASK FOR PROFESSIONAL HELP IF I'M NOT HANDLING IT\"

And keep posting. This is a winding, undulating road you are on, and it will have some ups and some dark downs. Have you discussed this with Nigel? Do your daughters know that Mum's going to be \"difficult\" for a while. Have you told them you love them today? They will need to hear that a lot before this is over.

In my heart I would like to agree with you on this. I am going to get myself off this insidious drug too. But cold turkey off 20mg? Perhaps you could taper off over a month? You are a loving, caring girl with a huge heart. Allow the rest of us here to help when you need it, and here's hoping all goes well for you. xxx

Morning Breezman and mysteryme

Okay, turned light out to go to sleep last night and got thinking about how I felt before I went from 10 mg to 20 mg. The day I went to see my doctor I had done some washing, polished and hoovered, prepared dinner, showered, dressed, done my hair and so on and so on.

She commented on how much better I was looking now and I took great pride in telling her what I had achieved that morning.

She increased my dose to 20 mg as I explained to her that the bad days were happening more than the good ones. She knocked me for 6 when she gave me another sick note not for 2 weeks as she had done on previous occasions but one for 4 weeks.

Anyway, about 10 minutes from lying down with the light out I very reluctantly got back up and took my tablet. Half because I chickened out of the cold turkey - well turkeys are bigger than chickens :roll: the other half of me wanted to give them a little longer to kick in.

I just want to get back to work and have some 'normality' in my life. A colleague rang me last night and we laughed and chatted on the phone for over an hour. I really am missing being at work and with all my colleagues who incidently are also my friends.

She was a tower of strength to me and told me about when she suffered depression and anxiety attacks. I felt she could relate to what I am going through now. She announced she would come and see me during the Easter holiday :D

Had the weirdest experience this morning - woke up to both daughters getting up and them both chatting away to the baby. Youngest daughter brought me a coffee (as she always does in a morning since I've been off work). I had a couple of mouthfuls of my coffee then went to say good morning to eldest daughter and her baby - they weren't even up! So how come I heard them all? Only yougest daughter was up!

It is those kind of things that really make me want to stop taking these tablets.

Breezman, we are avery close family, even though separated from their dad since last June we all still talk, he calls in fora brew and has helped out since I've been on these tablets with various things - he even took me to the doctors last Thursday so I didn't have to stress about going out alone.

I tell my kids several times a day I love them lol, we always hug each other and they are always telling me I am the best mum anyone could ever ask for, especially my eldest daughter.

Tomorrow I have a new fridge freezer arriving so today I have to empty my old one and unplug it. This I have no choice about doing - thankfully Nigel is off today and is coming over, he won't do it for me but he will help if I need it.

As for his thoughts on me stopping the tablets - his response was that he isn't getting involved in this decision but will be there for me whatever I decide and be there for me if things get tough. I can't ask for more than that.

People wouldhave to meet him to truly understand the type of person he is. He is so caring and so supportive but at the same time stands back and allows me the space and time I need sometimes. Yes, he really is a truly wonderful guy.

Look at me rambling on lol

Conclusion: I will continue on the 20 mg for a little longer and see how things go.

Sorry for being here there and everywhere - doing this that and the other :oops:

Love

Melbi xxx

Hi Melbi, Breezeman, TT & Everyone....

Melbi I'm so glad you are taking your tablets again, I like you plus almost everyone here want off these tablets but none of us should go \"cold turkey\". I was on 30mg and for the last few days have reduced my dose to 20mg (without my GP's knowledge, can't get an appointment out of office hrs but don't get me started on that!!!) and I can tell you honestly I feel crap, no sleep, headaches, muscle tension, feeling more anxious it's like being back to square 1 again! I'm not sure if it's just the reduction in doseage or all the other crap going on at work & both my parents being ill - perhaps it wasn't the best of times to start a withdrawal plan I don't really know but now I've started I intend to carry on.... so please don't do cold turkey, reduce if you want & we can compare notes but remember to take care of yourself as Breezeman says it's a long road we travel....

Take care everyone

Nicky Jane x x

Hey Nicky Jane how are you doing?

I havet taken a tabket today wont take one tomorrow either lol

my aim to get back to work - this wilol never ha;ppen while i am on this crazy drug - okay so I gte these crazy thoights and hears and see things not including the earthquke lol woke poor nigel on that one lolol

I have to go cold turkey now i have no choice - I need to go back to work but while on these crazy pills that will never happen.

i have 3 weeks or is it 2 weeks left to get myself in some sort of oder anmd ready to facve the crazy world again

can i not just curl up and die instead?

i am sooo going to have to slef medicate on top of the alcohol to even get into a sleepy state

2am? sheesh and wide awake and lo0ppy as ever lol

okay deciosn

will self medicate as even tomorrow wont wair for me - ohj it is tomorrow lol

or is that today?

anyone for a night cap LOLOL

stay strong all

melbi xxx

Morning all

Okay I haven't had a crazy pill now since Wednesday!

Had terrible nightmares last night but on the bright side of that - means I slept LOL. When I woke from a nightmare I just told myself it was just a dream and went back to sleep!

So far I am feeling less drowsy, less forgetful, less detached from my body and less anxious!

I have got out of bed and made my own coffee this morning :shock: I haven't been able to do that since starting on the citalopram. I even went round the house opeing all the curtains - puffing up cushions, fed the cats, came back to my bed with my coffee and all in all - hard to explain but I am feeling like me again!

I have ran out of cigarettes - me run out of cigarettes? I would normally be up dressed and running to the shop to get my fix! Not this morning lol - just accepted the fact I haven't got any and I can wait until showered and dressed before going for some. I actually feel quite relaxed and lay back.

I am feeling a little light-headed but nothing major (yet lol) The house is in order all spick and span so I have nothing to get worked up about should I need to lie down for a while.

I had really bad pains in the kidney regions last night too - but I'm thinking that will be due to the amount of alcohol I consumed Thursday night/Friday morning! Slight pain in right lung but again having had a blood clot on that lung some years ago - I do from time to time get pain there! If it gets too bad I can just start a course of steroids - which I always have a supply of in (prescribed by doctor at hospital) because I haven't got to let my peak flow drop below 300. Yeah! Okay! I know I shouldn't smoke :oops: Also being asthmatic too - doctor says I'm like a time bomb waiting to go off!

My grandad died of a smoke related illness at the age of 88! not bad eh!

My dad died of lung cancer at the age of 65 - not good!

So this is day 3 of no citalopram and so far so good - the good outweighs the bad! Well there really isn't any bad (yet)

Sorry Nigel, I know his main concern is that my feelings for him will change now I have stopped taking the tablets - having known each other almost 12 months - my feelings grew for him AFTER I started taking the citalopram - he saw the huge change in me - the detached me! The crazy me! The quiet withdrawn me!

At this point all I can say is my feelings haven't changed - in fact I fell in love with him weeks after meeting him lol - shhhh! don't tell him that! But I wasn't ready for a relationship back then - I might not be now - I do love you Nigel - but I'm just feeling strong enough again now to stand on my own 2 feet again - I want our relationship to continue but as me and not that quivering wreck citalopram turned me into!

We can go back to having a laugh, talking about things we used to talk about and not all about how crap I am feeling. I won't be as clingy now - I won't feel the need to lie in your arms and feel safe - I do feel safe in your arms - I'm just not so needy now though!

To everyone here - I would like to continue posting here, if that is okay - despite me no longer taking citalopram. I want to be here for you all - help you all stay strong - to cope and more importantly - to see you all get better.

I am still 100% convinced my GP wrongly prescribed, I didn't need citalopram - I just needed to be able to fall asleep at night. She has taken me to hell and back - I allowed her to!

I suppose one good thing came out of the experience! Had I not taken them - had I not experienced this craziness within my head - had I not hit rock bottom on Thursday - .........................

I'm feeling stronger now than I have for a long time. Yes, life has dished me a lot of crap over the years but so what? I'm still here to tell the story, am I not?

Julie, I may well do as you suggested and write that book! LOL I have always wanted to write a book - not that kind but it's a book right?

W

Feeling a little anxious now but nothing more than when I was taking citalopram.

Only difference is I have got up and busied myself rather than lay in bed feeling anxious.

I will have a nap this afternoon as I intend over the next few days to take really good care of myself. That includes eating regular meals no matter how much they make me gag!

Melbi xxx

legs feel so heavy am lay half in bed half out lol

keep getting this weird buzzy/dizy thing in ym head if i try to move feeling a little sivk

cant move fronm bed too much effort will have to soonefg or later for the loo lol

still not backing dopwn tho no more those crzy pills for me

back again - not sre if I will be able to keep posting my symptoms because I seem to be going 'down' fast now.

Feeling very sick so much so dont think it will be long b4 I'm throwing up, dizziness isnt help

daughter wityh me all time thats good cant walk well it feels like i cant i havent tried yet

muscles in arms keep twitching arms feel very achy and heavy

sleeping but waking feeling like its been hours but is onlky minutes

speech is slurred then rapid then normal cant always focius yeys

will try and keep posting what i am experiencing or will ask daughter to do

Sipping soda water

Sickness and dizziness now eased so has the heavy achy feeling in arms and legs.

Speech back to normal

Is that the first phase of cold turkjey over with? Does it come in waves or is that it - over and done lol

Melbi xxx

felt really sick and dizzy again about hour and half ago but has worn off again and feel okay again.

no anxiety what so ever :D

Slight headache but nothing too bad

Fingers crossed I'm getting away lightly with the withdrawal symptoms

Melbi x

Melbi, I had to give up my fight, I was about to do something awful, so took pills as , I have lots of children tonight, though they are such good lovely kids, they aint like what I was like.. I was quiet and introverted and tearful as a child, but I was not confident enough , like these lovely children, I love them too bits! they all seem so clever, maybe coz I was so thick. I have just told dr spock hmm stuff , and feeling a bit gutted!

I cant believe that this haunts me. I promised myself, never to let it!!! I promised myself, that makes me a failure in my quest to survive and be happy. I was never going to let myself be a victim!!! Now I feel so victimised screwed up and alone!!!

Good on you withthe withdrawal, you are a lovely woman Melbi, really admirable, thank you for making me laygh and latting me in your life. i hope we meet up one day. Sometimes I worry that I am a drain on you, I would much rather be a radiator, but i think the truth has to come out along the way!!! Love you guys, Brezmanns music is good ..listening to Snow patrol now...cant handle sh*t telly! Take care, and love and kisses to everyone, we can do it we can. we fight cause we have to we know we not ourselves and ready totake our lives , rthinking that we all live in a ugly uncontrollabel society but we are also fighters or we would not console here and share our experiences, We have the fight ...dont we...yes life can be lonely and /////awful , but when the sun shines, when the floewers bloom ,., when we can be near water Lochs and all , when we can breathe withut ventillators, when we can still cuddle others in need, we are good people arent we? its all worth it - is it not? Take care folks, Nicky Jane, aly, breezman , simon, Melbi, and anyone and everyone on theses posts. Love you folks. Honesty has to be the best policy!!!

Katy you are not ready hun to stop taking the tablets.

I genuinely believe my doctor should never have prescribed these tablets to me.

Still feeling a little sick but other than that feeling good in myself.

I'm prepared for more withdrawal symptoms but I will get through them because I feel much better about myself without them.

I'm still here for you and everyone and I dare say I'm going to be leaning on you lot some more too.

You dont drain me Katy - You gave me strength and you will continue to give me strength.

Melbi xxx

Hi Melbi,

You had me concerned with no way to reach out to you. Glad to hear you are coping better off the Citalopram. I've tried going without them abruptly, but in my case it turned me into something like a blind epileptic cossack on steroids. With no way to organise myself I became something like a government department semi retired second assistant supernumerary clerk clase 2. Talking nonsense, wandering hither and yon with no apparent purpose, staring vacantly into space, disinterested in everything ... it was terrible. (I once worked for the government so I do not wish to offend those who still do.)

Anyway, it is wonderful to see you posting legibly and positively again. Take care Melbi, xxx.

Good morning Breezman

The way you felt when not taking them is the way I feel when taking them.

Had the weirdest of dreams again last night (Day 4 of not taking them)

I've woke this morning feeling okay again. No sickness or any other symptoms as of yet! I know they may well develop over the day or over the coming weeks but as long as I am feeling better inside my head then I will cope with the withdrawal symptoms.

It is more than obvious to me now that the things going on in my head over the last 6 weeks were coming from the tablet and not from me.

I seriously felt like I had returned to that dark hole from 16/17 years ago and could see no way back out of it - I doubt I would have the energy to start that fight all over again.

I have again woken this morning, jumped out of bed and made a coffee, said good morning to my gorgeous granddaughter - who, bless her, is now at the stage of giving a huge smile when she sees you. My heart just melts.

I will be telling my doctor that what her prescription actually did for me was to create problems I never had when I went to see her about my insomnia.

I am not denying I was suffering from stress and anxiety at the time - but had she obliged and prescribed a few decent sleeping tablets - I am 100% certain I would have coped with the stess and anxiety without the need of this crazy pill - which in my mind should not be allowed anywhere near animals - never mind humans.

Okay, it may well work for some people - but hand on heart I can only see that these tablets create more problems rather than solving them.

As I said to Katy last evening - I hope I didn't upset her - alcohol alone is a depressive - drink it while depressed or anxious and you can bet on your life you will feel 100 times worse the day after.

It is of no use trying to deal with depression and or anxiety using drugs if you, me or anyone is going to carry on with the alcohol. The alcohol issue needs addressing before any other things can be addressed.

Katy - I read your post about being an alcohol because it runs in your family! Come on Katy - you can come up with a better excuse than that sweetheart.

[color=red:4677de2c8b][u:4677de2c8b][b:4677de2c8b]I know a few alcoholics who never let a drop of alcohol pass their lips.[/b:4677de2c8b][/u:4677de2c8b][/color:4677de2c8b]

I'm not nagging or lecturing you Katy or anyone - I am my own worst enemy when feeling crap to turn to the bottle - it isn't the answer - instead it creates more problems - especially with relationships, depression and anxiety.

Go back to your doctor - inform him/her of your drinking habits and allow him/her to help you to help yourself. Tell them why you drink, when you drink and how much you drink! An extremely difficult thing to do, I know, because that is your lifeline, your way of coping when feeling terrible, but believe me, it is the drink that is making you feel worse than you really are. You will also feel terrible for days without consuming it - but after that you will begin to improve and then - only then - can you start to face up to and deal with your life.

Be brave - tell your doctor about the drinking - (allow yourself to have that lifeline removed).

All my love

Melbi xxx

[size=18:a0fbc7bd31][color=darkblue:a0fbc7bd31][u:a0fbc7bd31][b:a0fbc7bd31]Day 4[/b:a0fbc7bd31][/u:a0fbc7bd31][/color:a0fbc7bd31][/size:a0fbc7bd31]

Woke this morning feeling great, made a coffee, fed the cats, had good morning cuddles with granddaughter.

cooked full English breakfast, had shower, got dressed, did my hair, make-up and nails.

Cleaned my bedroom, did some washing, watched a film now going to cook dinner.

Had no withdrawal symptoms at all today - unless you can call feeling great a symptom LOL

Now looking forward to a cosy evening in front of the TV with the man I fell madly in love with.

Melbi xxxx

Stay strong all of you - I'm right by your sides x