Meltdown in workand finally gon to the GP / given Sertraline
Posted , 3 users are following.
Just thought Id share my experience..For the past 2 years I have been trying to keep a mental lid on manic thoughts, depressive outlook and sheer anxiety but had always had a view of \"getting on with it, ploughing on\" - that has always been my outlook on life but it culminated in me feeling a type of mental paralysis and feeling \"out of it\" which I couldnt believe was happening to me, then I started getting chest pains and drinking heavily. I am so loyal to my job though that I just continued to take additional work on and then started answering emails on blackberry in the early hours. Then on top of this last year I got a new boss who started to bully me and I started to find it more and more difficult to take things in, to focus, to even look forward to anything - I wanted the traffic light to stay on red on the way to work! I started to argue a lot more with my girlfriend and felt completely out of control. I was becoming an unpleasant perosn because I didnt feel in control. Not enjoying anything, all the things I used to like I disliked and couldnt understand things - I constantly tried to work out what was happening in my mind but then fell in a loop of thought which I couldnt get out of. I have hardly ever been off work ever for my current employer in 10 years of working for them but I just felt like something had to give and I never used to believe the term mental burn out but I do now. My girlfriend inisited I went to the GP which I did on Monday (4th Jan) and he has given me Sertraline and signed me off initially for 2 weeks saying I have a \"mental illness\" - personally I am stunned and devastated at this and feel embarrassed - how can I be - I dont goto work to be told this. I have started taking 100mg a nigh and a couple of nights in dont feel that different but really want to give the medication a go. A lot of my problems have accumulated from not tackling the problem earlier then work pressures last year. But I am hoping Sertraline does help - even for me to just accept that I have a problem. I have never realxed in years and my brain doesnt seem to know when to stop thinking and calm down - I can have a conversation in work about something and be thinking of 3/4 other things and the problems associated with them and then I am asked for my comments - I couldnt speak. My negativity is drowning any thoughts and when I start to look back I get scared at the things that I havent enjoyed (holidays,etc) because of my state of mind. Really hope these tablets help. will keep you all posted.
0 likes, 6 replies
Gordon454
Posted
I too am on 100mg sertraline due to stress and anxiety at work mainly a senior asistant manager being a bit too abrasive in style. Had a similar experience 3 years ago in a different job also with an assistant manager. Have suffered stress, anxiety and depression on and off all my life. Been on the sertraline for 2 months now and it has made a huge difference to my stress/ anxiety levels. I now am starting to look forward to going into work ie have got life back into some perspective. Even my wife ( a trained nurse by the way) has noticed a big difference. The sertraline took about 3 weeks to kick in but did go down a bit during this period which seems to be a normal reaction.
Let me know how you're getting on.
Gordon
Melissa17
Posted
Starting a new job today, I feel better, and so will you after a short time, just like Gordon said, 3 weeks is about right to start feeling better. Stick with it, it will all come together.
Guest
Posted
Thanks so much for your kind words - it is so reassuring to know others have been in the same position. I am like a cat on a hot tin roof as Im just so unused to having spare time and I still feel embarrassed to see anyone from work if I venture out. I return to the GP next friday to update him on the medication but to now I just feel slightly calmer if anything - I get rushes in my head if that makes any sense and have started to get stomach cramps but they are manageable.
I have a long way to go as I need to sort myself out first and then the work situaiton so I dont return to the same problems as before - although it has made me seriously think about employer loyalty and whether its a time to reassess my life and decide what is important to me. I just dont want to ever be in this position again with the state of mind I am in.
I have spoken to my family now and explained the situation and it was interesting to hear them explain how angry and anxious a person I had become in their own eyes.
Its the start of an journey for me, but really appreciate what you say - Melissa good luck in the job and gordon you use a great word \"perspective\". Maybe that is a key to thsi.
Gordon454
Posted
Gordon
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Guest
Posted
I think you maybe need to speak to your GP about seeing a psychiatrist and getting a proper diagnosis. I am just a service user so can;t say for sure what you might have so you can choose what you make of this, but.... You are saying you have symptoms of depression eg feeling negative, but what comes across as well is symptoms or more manic stuff - you even use the word yourself. You may well have bipolar disorder (I have it). People think that it's only there when you have major depressions for long periods and then go manic doing things like grand schemes spending money you haven;t got staying out late sexual inhibitions etc. Those things only describe Bipolar 1 The are a number of bipolar/mood disorder categories - I have bipolar two with rapid cyclling. This means I don;t experience mania and depression in the same extremes as BP 1, butthey are there and a constant mix of stuff. The repid cycling comes from the classification of having more than 4 mood changes over a year (I wish! It can be 4 within a week as it cycles so rapidly!)
I have an everything you say fits with what my experience was - feeling manic out of control. Taking on extra work. I think often this is done to try and assert some control when you're feeling you're not in control. I did that too and did the loyalty keep going till I collapse on the floor thing. Went on for 3 yrs! And classically I blamed work for the problems - if they woudl just do this or just stop doing that all would be fine work is the problem and so on.
Also the unpleasant angry person is a symptom - I was higly irritable and would argue back was white and so on. This is a symptom and described in various mental health disgnosis Again I'd not be able to clarify and respond to things at work. And working early hours of the morning again is sign of manic stuff - I'd be sending emails at 4am. This is not normal - most people wouldn;t even have the thing on! And being awake at those hours is a sign of being agitated and unsettled at some level - otherwise you would be asleep! And don't know if you experience it, but there also comes the agitation of 'must do it' and do it now as might forget need to get it done, out of the way etc. That often led to doing work in the early hours.
not sure if that helps and feel free to ignore it, but yes the first thing the GP shoved at me was anti-depressants as that's what I experienced and noticed - I didn't notice the manic stuff I had so all they heard was the depressive stuff. Needless to say it didn't work and wasn't till everything was in total bits that I saw a pshychiatrist adn she went 'woah stop, this isn;t depression' and took me off the stuff and put me on meds that actually worked! I wish I'd seen her earlier as it's have saved me going through a hellish time for a 3 yrs.
but feel free to decide I am way off the mark.
Guest
Posted
Thanks for your comments and feedback. I have been to the GP today who wants to keep me on the Sertraline and stay off work for a further fotnight but wants to continue to monitor me. I think I am just realising the extent of my own problems and am hoping that over the next fortnight the Sertraline will work and that I can also through Occ Health in work at some stage in the coming weeks try to change my current working arrangements and possible location. I dont believe the Sertraline has started to work yet 2 weeks in as I feel calmer but cannot think straight at all and have the same symptoms from 2 weeks ago. If the symptoms persist and the Sertraline doesnt work then I will have to see what the GP says but I want to give them a go as a first port of call. But thanks very much for the comments - food for thought - as I now understand - its only when you experience this whole mental meltdown that you realise how ill you are.
Take care and appreciate your feedback.