Menopause, no more babies

Hi Jackie, I really do blame society for that feeling of your partially. We've been so conditioned to be useful and functional all the time. As women we were always expected to be fruitful, quiet, grateful, good mothers and loyal and devote wifes. Nowadays we've added thin, smart successful, beautyful and never aging to those expectations. No wonder that some women question their value once one of those presumed qualities falls away. But there are many other paths a woman may choose to walk on. It is a mere myth that e are supposed to be able to bear children. It is up to ourselves to claim other ballgames besides being mothers. Your value as a woman doesn't rise by having children or being able to physically. We need to explore other ways to give and to get. Men don't bear children. Even if they never produce any, they seldom question their value as men because of it. Having children is but one of the possibilities as a woman. Perhaps now may soon come the time of true sensuality without fear of getting pregnant. I loved having my children. But in very glad that this time is for me only. We are never alone in this. So many women share our fears and doubts. Perhaps this is just a phase for you, some sort of transition from one to the other. Sending you my sympathy and love.

Hi Jackie

I found out I couldn't have children at the very start, so I cant say I was upset when I hit full menopause at 43 but I think how you are feeling is entirely natural. It may not make any sense to you because you have children and didn't want anymore, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't feel a sense of loss at having that choice taken away as a woman. Menopause itself is an emotional roller-coaster, plus surgery and you've got a mixed bag of emotions. Just try not to overthink it, and go with it. Clearly it's part of a grieving process you just need to move through, but I understand that it's confusing. Just be really kind to yourself, and try not to worry about why you feel that way. Xxx

I understand exactly how you feel. I started late in life with having kids. I was 35 with my first and 39 with my second which I presume is my last. But now since I have been going through peri I have been entertaining the idea of having another one. Even though I swore up and down to myself and others that "I am done!" I still find myself wanting another one. It wouldn't be financially wise right now nor do we have space in our house to put a baby, yet I find myself thinking about it. My period is late just about every month now so there is that initial thought that I might be pregnant but then when my period does show up it's like a sigh of relief while being disappointed at the same time. But women are here to procreate so to feel this tremendous sense of loss after we go through menopause or to never have been able to even have any kids for whatever reason, is totally natural. Yes we do other things like take on careers and such but it is our divine nature to reproduce and to have that ripped from us by menopause is a devastating thing.

Hi Jackie

I can so relate to this. But I had a hysterectomy 10 years ago and I had no children. This brought on early menopause. Going through the change brings up al kinds of emotion and at times it can be hard to pinpoint why or how we feel. I can feel like a loss to us even tough we may have everything but I think it can be an undefinable loss.

I will never forget my mother when she went through the menopause. I went into our home and in the kitchen she was sitting in a chair in a corner crying. Crying like it was going to be her last day on earth. A deep sadness she could not explain. I have also been the same.

Cry if you need to as I think our minds also try to cope while in transition. Lots of love needs to you and be kind to yourself. CK