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mental and physically tired of this life

Posted , 6 users are following.

emily55517
emily55517

I am a 26 year old women and at this point I feel like all is lost and hopeless. I use to be a very church going person but a few bad choices made me stop going to church so much. 

I always feel as if i always get left behind as if no one cares except for my parents. They are also the reason I try to hang on so much to this life.

I am trying to grad fro grad school but everytime i get close to finishing something always gets in the way and I always fall slightly short on my GPA. I am tired of chasing something for almost 8 years and it's not getting me anywhere. I can't bare to look at my parents in the face anymore and tell them i didn't make it and i have to repeat another year...yet again. 

With all this for the past 26 years I haven;t found one honest friend to be there for me thru thick and thin. or a man to even care enough about me ...more than just my physical aspect. I kept ending up in relationships where i end up heartbroken. One it got so bad i could focus and got into a major car accident. 

All this has made to resent God ...i feel like he isn't listening and won't hear me. Like he is punishing me for straying away from Him. thoughts of ending this life of mine come and go all the time. the only thing i am scared of if how my parents will be after I am gone...and it's the only thing that is currently keeping me from ending this hopeless life. 

 

2 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • simon66470
    simon66470 emily55517

    Posted

    Believief(religion):Should not be discussed because it "easily offends".Your "reliance" upon supportive parents is natural.the "Fear" of loosing them is "instinctive" but it will be & is... a fact of life everyone faces sooner or later.,

     But church is not where you will find a resolving of your issue.A doctor/ phsyciatrist is whom you should seek.You need help with your deep rooted depression.Assistance there should lighten the load you carry.

    If so, then any future relationship with another will now be strengthened.Your self esteem raised.

    If you find someone who does emotionally support because they are "aware" of your "fragility"...this will also help you 100%.Those that don't should be dissmissed asap.Don't go looking for your "White Knight".He..will come to you.

    With regaining control in your life.,by medical intervention.,should make you see things in a different light. From there confidence in yourself will grow again.That inner strength will support you.It is from the "inside out" any progress will now occur.

    Because of desperation & overwhelming frustration combined,your depression has now become a paramount issue that must be attended to first..You must realise that.Acknowledging it first is formost,= 1 step forward.Regaining control.

    From there day to day life will be made easier.You can now focus more upon passing GPA.another hurdle now overcome.Maybe the "White knight" may show then.At least you are prepared to recieve him.Lessening of your insecurities will reward you.

    Consider.If you deliberately ended your life would that act alone leave your parents without loss & heartache.They have supported you through out etc.Given there time freely to support,regardless of your condition,which..they are fully aware of. etc.

    All they desire is that you find security & happyness. Same as yourself.

    Once your depression is being attended too,the path ahead will be much easier to now travel.Your white knight may not be too far away.

     

  • chris14174
    chris14174 emily55517

    Posted

    Don't give up Emilt life can be a pain in the arse sometimes. You do find out who yiur friends are when you feel particularly sh*t they don't always understand or know what youare going through.

    You're obviously a clever intelligent lovely girl and things happen for a reason. Trust in fate it can serve you well. My daughter too had her heart broken twice now and it's awful. Get out there and live enjoy and surprise yourself. Here if you need to talk. Xxx

    Chris

  • hypercat
    hypercat emily55517

    Posted

    Hi thoughts of ending your life are red flags that something is wrong.   Do you think you suffer from depression?  Have you ever been formally diagnosed?  Isn't there a counsellor at your school you could talk to?   Have you ever been to the doctors?  Meds and/or counselling could help so why not seek help?  After all you have nothing to lose.

    As for friendships and relationships it's a big ask for someone to be there for you through thick and thin.  You have to be prepared to give back too as it's not a one way street.  Do you think you could be a very good friend to others?    x

  • liana01735
    liana01735 emily55517

    Posted

    You need to seek help now, thoughts of suicide are very serious. Please talk to someone, preferably a doctor. I think it is the way you are feeling that is making you fall short on your GPA, if you couldn't consentrate while driving how are you going to consentrate on your studies? Therapy and maybe medication will help you immensly, before I started treatment for depression I could barely read my consentration was so bad but now I'm looking to the future again and building confidence. The same thing can happen for you I know it, there is help out there, take advantage of all of it and things will change for the better for you I promise xx
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