Methdedone Vs Depression

Posted , 10 users are following.

Hi Guys, I'm new here so please bare with me, Right some may be shocked by this but I've been on methedone now for 23yrs & although I've been thought the System of Rehab, & wore the Tea shirt, Ect..can't even tell you how many Drug workes i've had over the years & it becomes so reptitive with having to go over & over the same old thing with Care plans, ect, ect, I still can't seem to get off this bloody methdone though, I suffer with Depression which i feel goes hand in hand with taking methedone, had Lapes, Replapes, the works, I'm getting on now at 49 & am really Worried about getting off methedone, my bones hurt & have had back problems for years! I no that methdone masks the pain & other health Issues, I'm reducning little by little, Only on 35mls now, which isn't a great amount, but its the years I've been on it that worries me the most & scared ill replase if i come off completely! anyone understand what I'm going though on here?

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15 Replies

  • Posted

    Go for it. You will get your life back x Linda. X
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  • Posted

    Sounds like we are in the same spot, I've been on methadone for 20 yrs also have back & leg problems, been wanting to kick for ages but see the methadone as a pain killer as nothing else seems to work for me, I have just started to go cold turky 3 days now & not sure I will be able to do it, only found this site today hoping to get a little support from like people,.

    Must be worth a go..stay strong dude.

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    • Posted

      Hi Restart,

      I,m sorry abt the late reply, just got my internet up & running again!

      Its been a Pain in the ass, Lol

      Yes Looks like you,ve been on the green as long as me, Please let me no how the withdrawel went, really hope it worked Out for you! I'm still stuck on this & hate myself for it, been on it that long now i fear coming off it, tried Rehab back in 96, but found it too Redgiment, I've never really had a problem with Alcholol & do like a drink at Xmas/Holidays to you, if i'm assuming your from the US, I,m Uk, but same addictions nevertheless, can't tell you the amount of years I,ve gone from being Stable on M, to having short lapse,s to full blown Relapes on Illicit drugs, going out & round in Circles, I'm getting way to old for this, Sick of having to face my Support Worker & filling out bloody Care plan after Care plan, same old crap & going to a local chemist/Pharmacey every week, Ok i've Reduced to 35mls for 80mls, but its taken me the best part of 20yrs to do that, Its Shamful, I seriously need to get my Act together before I'm the big 50, but feel stuck with no way Out, its like I haven't the Energy to make that plunge to stop Using M & the other sh*t, its like you get to a stage where you feel Defeated & have no Control anymore, as soon as I wake up the first thought is i want to Use, then have a little fight with myself, Like a devil on one Shoulder saying Its Ok use today will stop tommrow & Angel on the other side saying don't do it, you can stop its not worth it, the Crazy thing is its not though its any good anyway, it does nothing, but Just don't no how to stop :-( So i have too battles going on here the Green stuff & the H, wtf am i doing with my life, So many health issues because of this lifestyle i,ve chosen, no one to blame but myself, Yes NA & AA says you can't help it, Its not  your fault you were born an Addict & its a Progressive Disease, but can't help thinking there is no one else to blame but myself, I chose to Use & think the only one that can help me Stop, Is Me, Why does life have to be so Complicated, But i suppose us Addicts Complicate the most simple things!! Lol..You no Restart at the end of the day i suppose what i'm saying is that if your ready to quit there is nothing stopping you, think we need to have a bit of self beleifin ourselves, I'm got to be honest i may start going back to NA for Support, see i haven't been to a meeting for so many years i think fear & i suppose a bit of Embarresment stops me going! but got to face the fear full on & Just get on with it, I admitt i can't do this alone & need Proper support! But a bit of advice here please be carful going cold turkey as it can be Dangerous & if you do make sure somone is there with you, try reducing bit by bit if you were unable to go though ct & try get some support mate, I,m going to try everything i possibly can now to get rid of this addictive way of life & try somthing different, Lifes too short, well it will be in my Case if i don't do somthing asap, All the very Best mate, Stay Focused & as Positive as you can, should be saying that to myself!!! hahaha x

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    • Posted

      Hi Restart,

      Sorry its taken a while to get back to you, been having Internet Problems,

      But my advice to you would be to be really carful going C.T, as it can be a real shock to the system Just stopping like that after so many years being on the Green & can be Dangerous aswel, if you already have done it that way & you Succseeded then well done to you, hope there was somone watching over you while you went though C.T, But don't feel too bad if you wasn't able to do it, Its very hard, you got to rememeber the years its been in your System,my advice would be to take it easy & do it bit by bit, I'm going to strat to go to NA again i think, as i no now that I'm unable to do this alone & need support, have you ever been to a NA Meeting? Listen stay focused & keep Positive, you will get there, think i should be telling myself that aswel, Lol, Please drop me a line & let me no how you got on or not with CT, All the very Best x

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    • Posted

      Hey, hows things..?

      Ok so, I have managed to stop using the meth, been clean for the past three weeks now into my fourth, I did need to use at a couple of points, but tryed to only use enougth to lift me from the depths of hell..maybe three times...( I now have pupils again :-) ) been pined for so many years its quite odd looking in a mirror.

      Ok, its your turn now, this can be done, with strength & a need to get this crap out of your system..

      How are you doing with it,? have you lowered your dose any since your lats post?.

      Thank you for your reply & positive words, it makes a difference, be strong....

       

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    • Posted

      Hi Restart,

      Well done you!

      You must have been ready to change & Obivisouly Positive thinking helped, I have been though Detox before & it is hard, hate not being able to sleep & sweating that goes on for months, Lol..But now you have done it that hardest part starts, Staying Clean!! you will have days when you just want to use, i don't need to tell you anything really because you,ve been there, Just remember the long Road you have been down & don't go back there, Look forward now & enjoy the rest of your life free from Chemicals, a new you, you,ve come this far don,t look back!!

      all the very best mate,

      One day at a time :-)

      ill hopefully be following suite, Just need to get my act together now!

      Stay strong! x

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  • Posted

    Hi, I sympathise with you, my son is on a reduction from twenty plus years.

    He is forty seven, suffers back problems and now has lung disease.

    He is determined to get off it now as like you say as you get older it affects your

    body more. I'm sure if you've made up your mind positive thinking helps you, I think

    just take one day at a time it helps if you have someone close to help you, also

    coming on these sites to talk with people who have gone through withdrawals.

    maybe you could see your GP for some extra help with restless legs aching and not

    sleeping, my son finds the not sleeping very hard.

    i wish you luck keep positive and you will get there !! Keep posting

    Ann 

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    • Posted

      Hi Ann,

      Its so Bloody hard, especially when you have been on methadone for such a long time, I'm not helping myself by messing up in between, Its somthing i no i can only do myself, no one can do it for me, I feel as an addict you give yourself such a hard time, feeling ashamed is a big one, letting people you love down, it must be so hard for you also being the Parent & seeing your son having to go through this, the struggles you must have gone though, my heart goes out to you ann,

      but bet your son hates himself for it, addiction is such an evil thing, can take the strongest of people down!  especially with the health issues that comes with abuse of using for years! Methadone is an Opiate & strong painkiller so other medicines don't come close, as our tolerance is so very high, for an example i went into hospital 2,weeks ago to have my GallBladder removed & because i was on methadone they treated me like i had the Plague of something, they gave me 2 Paracetamol every 4hrs, which didn't do a thing for the pain, & the Aneicertist asked me to bring my own dose of methadone into hospital to save them having to sort it out, So did as they told me, they locked it up, & wouldn't give me my Prescribed dose on the evening, Only kept me in over night, but i couldn't sleep & was in terrible pain after the Op, there excuse was they would have to get in touch with my Gp/Doctor to confirm that i took the amount i said i did, even though it was stated on my bottle, & because it was a sunday they couldn't get in touch with GP, didn't get my dose until 10mins before i was leaving the hospital, I hate Ignorance, they treat people with addictions so bad in hospitals, especially in the UK,

      I've really had enough of this crap now Ann & seriously need to get off this stuff, Infact i've been on methadone for 25yrs & do fear coming off it, I suppose its like a crutch, your emotions disappear on methadone amoungst other things!! Lol, but going to find some Support & help out there now, can't carry on like this, & I suppose your son feels the same way, stuck in a rut!! your a good mother Ann, Supporting your Son like you do, I no it isn't easy at times & bet you feel like shaking him & say pull yourself together, wish it was as easy as that Ann, but Bless your heart & Keep stong & look after yourself aswel love,

      Hugs xxx

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    • Posted

      Yes they are not sympathetic to people with addiction.

      I take morphine pills and it eases anxiety.

      But have you considered cutting down the daily dose and seeing how you cope with life?

      I told my friend not to take his morphine bottle with him when he was admitted as I knew they would lock it up and not give it back. It happened to me when I had a bottle of valium. When I was discharged I asked for the bottle and they said "you don't need it now".

      Also changing the subject slightly I went to visit a person I had met on the ward and the nurse told me I had left some clothes in my locker BUT I couldn't have them now as they were buzy.

      Poxy NHS!

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  • Posted

    Hi, thanks so much for your reply I really appreciate it.

    i have hated what drugs do to my son, but I know and understand once addicted

    how hard it is so can only support him as best I can. You are right people are so 

    uncaring and not at all knowledgable about drug addicts. Like I say my son is now

    under the hospital for his lung condition which won't get better. I just hope and pray

    that he will finish his reduction and have some time drug free, he has lost so many friends to drugs, I really fear for him.

    please keep going and keep strong I wend positive thoughts to you.

    take care Ann 

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  • Posted

    I understand completely.  I have been on methadone for 15 years now.  I decided I didn't want to be a little old lady, still going to fetch my script every week and so started a 2ml per week reduction from 75ml.  I am now down to 10ml and feel ready to jump off, but the clinic keep putting barriers in my way.  They won't let me do it at home alone (although my 16 year old daughter is here with me) and I can't go into hospital because I can't leave my daughter alone. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.
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  • Posted

    I find the general public are so judgemental when it comes to addicts.  I know because 10 years ago I was one of those members of the public but it was my own sister who was the addict.  Now, after becoming dependent on opiate painkillers after a surgery three years ago I truly understand the hell she was going through.  I haven't seen her in eight years after reporting her missing to the police but if I ever find her I'm going to beg forgiveness for being such a judgemental a**e.  I wish everyday that I extended my hand out to her instead of pushing her away.  I worked in law enforcement then and was more worried about my job then my sister.  Now, addicted to opiate painkillers myself all I wish for is my big sister and the compassion and understanding that I know she would extend to me, the same compassion and understanding I didn't extend to her.  She lost her two precious children to her ex because of her addiction and as a mother now, I can just imagine the hell she must of went through. Tickeledpink don't ever feel embarrassed or ashamed of your addiction.  Anyone can get caught up in addiction, more so those of us who suffer from anxiety and depression as we often try to self-medicate.  Look at me, I worked in law enforcement for thirteen years and have a Masters of Justice and yet three years later I'm still trying to get of those damn painkillers.  My sister, by the way, suffers from bipolar.
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  • Posted

    Im on the same boat as you m8 im50 and been on meth for years as well was up as far as 180 down to 73ml now coming down 2ml a month wanted to go to rehab but i was told there would b a chance i would lose my house because im single.DONT THINK THATS FAIR.Ihavnt touched the kit in years now.My gp wanted me to stay on it for the rest of my life but i told him where to stick that.We r i think being used as lab rats because they dont know what the long term effects do to people,i think people like us should be put on DLA,because nobody will hire ex junkies and the same as you know what i mean m8 hope to hear from you again R
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  • Posted

    Boy do I!!! I too have been on methadone for a little over 10 years. I'm going to be 50 in a few days and for me I don't fix it if it isn't broke, I continually go back to using if I'm not on methadone. I know for some it isn't a life choice, for me it is. There are good days and bad days, I wonder what life would be like without it, I really already know the answer to that, so I stay. Good luck.
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