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I've just recently discovered that I'm basically walking around in a foggy sort of bubble and I want out.
I was initially prescribed 'Remeron'/Mirtazapine for severe, situational depression a few years ago. I was unable to eat and lost about 30lbs.
I was afraid to even think of getting off of it however, a few times, I fell asleep (yeah shocker) and forgot to take it and noticed that I was an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PERSON the next day. I had energy, hope and clarity. I was my old self! It was beautiful!
While I realize that this was just for that one day, I want to be that woman again.
My 'situational' issues have since passed, I have absolutely NO PROBLEM eating (except that I still eat small portions) and I'm bigger than I was before I gave birth! I can't live this way. So, I tell my psych doc that I think I want to cut down the dosage. She's fine with it so I go to 30 and I'm having no trouble until after about a month I realize I'm pretty irritable and kind of bitchy, having mean thoughts and just not a nice person.
So she puts me back on 45, problem solved right?
NO! I am in a mirtazspine haze.
So sometimes, I treat myself and take nothing just so I can have that one good day...
I found this site and started reading everybody's posts and about your experiences and I've decided to create my own taper plan, based on my past reactions to the different dosage (30mg).
I have warned my husband about what I'm going through and he helps me monitor my behavior and feelings based on how much I take and I think it should be 30mg./15mg. every other day. This could be difficult given my large dosage and history but I need to go through this. I want to face my feelings, keep in mind that I could be irrational and its not me, its the withdrawl and that I will get past it.
I have a very flexible job with low demands and requires a great amount of creativity (very helpful) and need to exercise and am considering giving up meat for the time being since I have trouble digesting it. I'll stick with fish and some chicken, take supplements, exercise, and hopefully will make it through.
I can't be in a fog anymore. Life is passing me by and I miss old self! Also, HUGE ego blow that I don't fit into my sz 6 jeans and have to wear stretchy stuff and hate to go out. Okay, yeah I'm a little vain/insecure but I can't be that person! I miss life!
This site has helped me realize that this is a real thing. I'm hoping to just develop a coping mechanism wherein I remind myself that this is part of the master plan/withdrawl phase. However long it takes, I refuse to become unhinged.
Thank you for posting your comments and experiences.
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