Mirtazapine withdrawal- 4 months in

Hi everyone,

I've read quite a few stories on here about the withdrawal process of Mirtazapine, but this is the first time I've posted on here. Hoping that someone has had a similar experience to mine. 

First took the drug about 5 years ago after a period of stress. Reluctantly may I add, but i was told it was the way they treat stress along with talk therapy...

After a year and going up to 45mg, I was feeling a lot better so wanted to come off ASAP. Was told by GP to come down to 30mg for a few nights then down to 15mg then stop. Initially I felt fine, then the uncontrollable feeling of anxiety, dread and depression all kicked in after a few weeks. I didn't know anything about WD symptoms at this stage. After about 4mths, thinking it was me that was struggling again, went to GP to asked to be put back on them. 

Started on 15mg and the thing floored me. Couldn't get out of bed to even go to the toilet. Called the doctor in who said I was fine and probably caused by tablet but side effect should disappear when I go up a dose. So that's what I did and was on 30mg for the next couple of years. Never felt as if was any better in all honesty but kept thinking it was me...

Thinking it was me I went up another dose in September last year to 45mg.

Then all hell started kicking in without realising it was the meds....

Started with an increased sensitivity to light. Then my eyes got so incredibly dry. Then the stiff neck and shoulders kicked in and then the dercreased engergy levels, not to mention being like a zombie and having constant brain Fog and confusion . 

Deciding it was the meds, I went to the GP and said I wanted to come off them. Then the fun really started... Again no tapering was advised and I went down from 45mg to 30mg for 3 weeks and then down to 15 for about a week then stop.

From then it's been downhill. Initially I felt really spaced out and completely disconnected. Then followed the brain zaps, sweating, irritability, severe muscle tension, particularly in my torso and back neck and shoulders. The depression got worse where suicidal thoughts were coming in my head for the first time in my life. Had no intention of following them through, but this is how bad the depression got. I've also had the burning sensation through my skin, the migraines, sensitivity to light and sound, feeling that I'm going to vomit, drowsiness,  anxiety,  through the roof, panic attacks. Been trying to get an appointment with a psychiatrist but it's a 3month waiting list.

Thankfully I'm still eating and drinking and able to make conversation with people at times. But even watching tv is becoming too much at times. 

I realise now from reading other threads I've come off them far too quick thanks to the GP, but 4months in im feeing like my energy levels are so low I can't get out of bed. A month or so ago I was able to go out a walk. 

It feels like I'm in a for longer withdrawal, but just wondering if there's anyone out there that came off 45mg so quick that's survived to the tell the story? And would anyone go back up a dosage to see if it helped some of the symptoms? I've spoken to a drug withdrawal support group and their advice was to keep going. My concern is that I've given my system to much of a shock.... twice as it turns out!😳 Any help/support would be much appreciated, it's such a lonely thing to go through.

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