Misplacing things?

I would say he needs checked for dementia.  My husband has vascular dementia and was given a written test to determine that.  He misplaces things, is bad with money, can't reason well, has a bad temper, memory loss, lack of emotion, seems distant from me in general.  He blames it on everything but usually me.  It has made me change also because he is not the same person I married and I am just supposed to suck it up which I do most of the time.  I get nothing from him.  I ask for a dinner for our 40th. wedding anniversary and it was a big no but we had one for his 65th. birthday and he was happy as a lark.  He wasn't as selfish before as he is now and I think it's because he can't reason how to manage money.  We are on SS and he gets $100. per month so he can buy small things when he's out.  He says he doesn't want the money but before he had it he was asking me if we had the money to buy a can of starting fluid.  I am doing to much as it is let alone be his bookkeeper.  This is a very stressful life.  I have considered going to a meeting of spouses of dementia patients but there aren't any in our area.  I wish you lots of luck!!

Thank you Sandy, my husband does not acknowledge our anniversary and even though he knew it was my birthday last week, he forgot to say Happy Birthday. He is not the same man that I married, he is also short tempered and rude. He would never agree to be tested, way too proud. I am hoping that this is nothing but fear the worst.

Hi Charline,

I'm sorry to hear about your problems. This could be the start of dementia, but on the other hand, it could just be down to the normal decline in cognitive powers due to ageing.

I'm 74, live alone, and recognise many of the things you've described in myself. This has been going on for at least 10 years now, but I can't honestly say it's getting any worse. I've asked close friends to be honest with me, and they say the same thing. The only remark some of them have made is that I'm tending to get a bit more reclusive these days, though I'm still always up for an outing.

I regularly misplace things around the house, temporarily forget how to operate household appliances, and lose my words with infuriating frequency. I too lost my way home from the office one day two years ago, and ended up sitting on a park bench, half a mile or so off my route, weeping. However, I believe that may have been due to an idiosyncratic response to a powerful probiotic my doctor had suggested I take. Apart from an occasional moment of confusion in the street, lasting only seconds, there's been no repeat of this episode.

I've also held down a demanding voluntary job in a mental health centre for the past eight years - involving both client contact and considerable admin responsibilities. Neither my colleagues nor my supervisor (a clinical psychologist) have ever made any adverse comments about my work.

I see you say you took your husband to the hospital after the incident at work, and they found nothing wrong. I'm wondering what tests they did: neuropsychological testing, CT scan, MRI...? If he's been thoroughly investigated in the past year or so, it doesn't sound as if it's anything too serious.

I'm not saying this is nothing at all. It could well be the start of dementia. These symptoms could also be down to depression, which not uncommonly starts in old age - especially in men facing retirement. There could also be non-neurological physical causes. Just as one example, an underactive thyroid is often wrongly diagnosed as incipient dementia in the elderly, as it tends to cause brain fog. This is very easily reversed with a daily pill provided you don't wait too long. I have an underactive thyroid myself - successfully treated for the past eight years - and have sometimes wondered whether this has been responsible for some of my lapses. But there are other medical conditions that can cause forgetfulness and behavioural changes in old age.

Since your husband agreed to go to the hospital over the incident at work, would it not be possible to get him to see your doctor for a general check-up? After all, most 68-year-olds get regular health checks. It would be a shame if his health became permanently damaged by an undiagnosed condition.

It is important to make a proper diagnosis so that you'll know what's causing him to do that or make mistakes.