missing mum

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Hi there I'm a 24 year old mum of 1. Have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks since I was around 5 years of age. Has got progressively worse since loosing my mum march 2011 to cancer.

I have bad health anxiety and every slight synptom I terrify myself and imagine myself in worst case scenario- This  happens on many days. I feel my anxiety is out of control. My fear of getting Ill is so intense that I have bad contamination ocd. ( showering approx 3 times a day, hand and clothes washing ) and I'm feeling exhausted and lost with everything. My mood changes dramatically and rapidly through the day. From very happy and chilled, to extremely anxious and worried, to angry, and so on.

I have a lovely family , partner and a beautiful 19 month old daughter. But I feel terribly guilty constantly for having this anxiety / panic and grief. I don't know where to turn. 

I want to avoid tablets if I can. I just want to be more care free. And to enjoy all the amazing things I have. I want to be told everything will be ok. I'm guessing things got worse since loosing my mum. I'm just confused and terrified of letting my family down sad  just want my lovely mum back. X

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  • Posted

    Hi Emma.  Sorry you're not feeling great at the moment and missing your Mum.  It must be a tough time for you and it's not surprising that after loosing your Mum to cancer that you worry about getting ill.  You've seen what happened to her and somewhere deep down that worry has transfered onto your own health.

    If you can afford to go to a therapist I would highly recommend going to see someone who can not only help with your health anxiety but can also help you with grief counselling.  They will help you move forward with your life whilst remembering the best bits about your Mum.

    If you can't afford it you could see if your GP would refer you.  They usually want to give you medication but if you say that you don't want those you could see if they would offer therapy instead.  And, if not there are lots of self help books which people have found helpful.  There's a separate thread on here that lists some of them.

    I hope you start to feel better soon, but you can always come on this forum to ask questions or just get support wink

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    • Posted

      sorry for your loss its hard and al sorts of emotions happen, thats scarey but understandable.  i lost my mum and step sis last year and im greiving and going withthe flow.  I have chest pains, breathless, acid rreflux which now means im frightened to do things in case i die like they did.  I understand your anxiety and GP shld help but i have found its self help, reading books joining a bereavemnt group i found invaluable.  keep in touch
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  • Posted

    Also, I just noticed that you're on the Bereavement group.  You may also want to look at the Anxiety Disorders Group as there are a few people on there with health anxiety.
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  • Posted

    hi i lost my mum suddenly in february 2013, it was such a shock it almost certainly triggered my anxiety, i have been to the doctor several times, and only on the last occasion was offered CBT, which i am taking up.  Please see your GP, get some advice and help.  

    I miss my mum terribly too, i think of her everday,  but i know i have to be there for my family (i have two daugthers).  I wish you all the best.

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