Mom is 65, has copd, pneumonia and lung fungus and still smokes

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i just don't know what to do anymore. My mom is 65 but looks and acts like she's 95. She smokes, has lung fungus and keeps getting pneumonia. I'm so frustrated with her because she just doesn't realize what she's doing to herself and will never admit that smoking causes her sickness. I just bought her a condo to live in because she's too sick to work. She uses a walker also.  She goes into the hospital and then begs them to discharge her so she can smoke. It's not funny anymore. It's like she has a death wish or something. It's selfish of her not to want to get better . Her grandkids won't come see her because they don't want their kids to be around cigarette smoke. I am a fairly healthy person. I workout, I  eat decent and do not smoke anymore. I stopped many years ago. I want to be around for my kids. Please let me know I'm not the only person going through this

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  • Posted

    You're not the only person going through this. Unfortunately she will not change because you want her to, and she certainly won't change because you help her out by buying her a place to live. She may not admit that there's a connection between her illnesses & her smoking but she knows there is one.

    You can always tell her that you won't help her any more if she's still smoking, but if you do that you will have to follow through. Even then it may not work.

    I hope that you can come to a place of detachment about your mom's smoking wherein you'd still love her but understand that her smoking is 100% hers. The mantra goes like this: I didn't cause this; I can't cure this; I cannot control this.

    No matter what happens, you are not alone. We are always here.

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  • Posted

    I've seen so many people just give up with this disease.  One of the reasons is that they really don't feel as sick as they make it out to be. However, they complain like today is their last day.  If she's still smoking, that's her right and the more YOU bring it up the more stubborn she will probably be.  I'm in Stage IV and I have some GREAT days and some days that are a little more tiresome.  I promise -- attitude has been my best friend.  Having said this, it is sooooo easy to slip into a self-pity mode and let everyone do everything for me.  When that happens to me, I become very depressed.  

    It sounds like you have been a wonderful daughter and caretaker.  But, it also sounds like you were expecting her to want to get better.  I mean, afterall - look at all the kind things you have done for her and are still doing for her.  Yet, she won't do the smallest of things to help herself.  Don't let her take advantage of you or run you down.  COPD can last a long, long time.  As difficult as this sounds, she's going to live her life the way she wants and unfortunately, you don't have much of a say in the matter.sad

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  • Posted

    Hi I bet your mum knows full well what smoking is doing to her -she is just in denial.  The worst thing you can do is to 'nag' her about it as this will only make her feel guiltier and worse about herself.

    Try building her up by telling her she is strong and you are confident she can do anything she chooses.  Keep doing this.  Tell her also that you will support her all the way and be there for her if she does give up. 

    She might have a death wish in which case there is not a lot you can do.  Is she suffering from depression do you think?   It is very common in chronic conditions.  If so then ad's might help her and maybe counselling if she would consider that?   Good luck.  x


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  • Posted

    I am like 'your mother'  have severe COPD even on 02. This is not easy and in some of our cases impossible to stop, even when we know what it is doing to us? I am 73.

    I am so proud of you for not smoking, but beg you not to judge your mother. I have tried so many times to quit and always failed!  Taking it away at this point would be like taking candy from a baby'

    Please do tell her at 65 had stopped I would not be in the horrible way I am now i.e. on nebulizers, and 02 and my endurance would have still been better. Good luck to you.


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  • Posted

    Hi tracy just seen what u put totally understand how you feel my mum was like thst not doing anything in and out of hospital but sadly my mum paased away hope you can tell your mum how you feel and what its doing to you keep strong
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