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Morbid thoughts

Posted , 6 users are following.

tina89895
tina89895

I'm going to find this difficult to type, is there something seriously wrong with me, been on 30mg mirt for two days upped from 15 it does knock me out sleep is still disturbed been having weird dreams that go on for ages (seemto), now I have no motivation but my mind is going off at a tangent. I am still having suicidal thoughts but no enerygy to action them. Then my mind goes in overdrive having some really morbid sick thoughts to the point i am looking up really sick things on the internet, Should I talk to someone about this as it is beginning to scare me. I've stayed in bed so far again today as I like to think I'd be safe there.

0 likes, 15 replies

15 Replies

  • sheila65847
    sheila65847 tina89895

    Posted

    Tina, you need to talk to someone

    Have you a close friend or relative you can talk to today? Try and getting out of bed. It does us no good to isolate. Make an appointment with your GP or CPN tomorrow

    • tina89895
      tina89895 sheila65847

      Posted

      I can't talk to my son about this it would totally freak him out, the friend I would talk to is away on holiday. I do have a number to ring to speak to mental health team at the main hospital I am debating ringing them but I feel so stupid I will get up and go out somewhere for some fresh air, I just feel all over the place but relaxed if that makes some sense cos it doesn't to me. Thanks fro replying. Maybe I shouldn't of started this drug route I'm finding it o hard to deal with the way it is making me act,
    • suzie78191
      suzie78191 tina89895

      Posted

      hi tina,

      i feel bad for you.  i have come down from 30 to 15, due to increased anxiety, fatigue, sadness ... still have anxiety. call the hospial .. tell them exactly how you feel.  i too hav e felt desperate for some help. can u see a dr?

  • suzie78191
    suzie78191 tina89895

    Posted

    tina,

    how are you?  did yoy call anyone?

     

    • tina89895
      tina89895 suzie78191

      Posted

      Hi technology great when it works thesis the third time I've tried this. No I haven't rung anyone I've been out driving in the rain and sitting by the sea getting stuck behind slow driver's and getting very irate I'm back home still debating ringing someone I just wish someone had a magic button to turn all this off.
    • suzie78191
      suzie78191 tina89895

      Posted

      me too ..   just fix me ... do call someone when you able to .. .. i am just holding onn waiting to see psychiatrist on tuesday although i am not sure how much faith i have.  do be careful .. and call someone
    • tina89895
      tina89895 suzie78191

      Posted

      I've seen my psychiatrist twice now he seems a very nice guy the first time I saw him lasted about 2 hours for an assessment, I got fast pathed through due to a suicide attempt not the right way to get seen I suppose not that I'd even considered that I'd be seeing a psychiatrist.

      I hope you get on well I went with an open mind as I didn't really know what to expect. 

      I will speak to someone soon, I've got to ring my mother first which is very difficult as she is deaf and refuses to wear her hearing aid oh what fun. 

      I just think when things are said out loud they sound so stupid but I suppose they have heard a lot of things. 

       

    • craig2828
      craig2828 tina89895

      Posted

      Hey Tina, I have been on Mirt for a long time and as I am currently trying to withdraw from them, i have researched the drug until my eyes sting. During all the reading it does state that some people who take Mirt can have thoughts of suicide or harming themselves. If you are having these type of thoughts then its important to seek the help of a professional as soon as possible. I would make an appointment tomorrow first thing and go along and tell them..Most people make a complete recovery from this awful illness, which is normally aided by them getting on the right medication...Mirtazapine may not be the right one for you. I used Citalopram the first time and made a complete recovery, unfortunately i stayed on it for years and when i fell over a second time it stopped working, this caused the switch to Mirt.I have a supportive family who help but don't fully understand the anguish I have to go through.I at first kept my depression to myself but becuase I know life is great when im well, i shout to the rooftops when i'm not. Don't suffer in silence, make sure your heard, wishing you well
    • tina89895
      tina89895 craig2828

      Posted

      Thanks Craig

      I was on citalapram from Sep until I changed over as the powers to be decided it wasn't doing anything. I am just so tired of it all, I have just spoken to a emergency CPN at the hospital I have got to distract myself if I feel suicidal ring NHS24 and possible contact my GP tomorrow. Keep chopping and changing medication doesn't give it time to work, I just wish i'd never started them in the first place.

      I might go and visit my son for a while then go and get a takeaway as I haven't eaten much today either.

      Thanks for listening everyone Tina x

    • suzie78191
      suzie78191 tina89895

      Posted

      i know.  me too ... i know i need something but wht does it have to be such torture trying to find something
    • tina89895
      tina89895 suzie78191

      Posted

      I sometimes think why didn't I die when my husband did, after all the heartache and stress we went through, all the illnesses and pain then I wouldn't be left alone to carry on. I feel so sad I just wish he was here to give me a big hug and make everything alright.
  • Sunbird8
    Sunbird8 tina89895

    Posted

    Dear Tina and Suzie,

    I have no words of wisdom to offer but just wanted you to know that my heart goes out to you.

    To have so much suffering is dreadful.

    Please know that I hol you in my thoughts and prayers.

    May you soon have better times.

  • Mermaid3011
    Mermaid3011 tina89895

    Posted

    Hey Tina, 

    hope you are reading this. 

    Yes I feel the same way. I have quite a few nasty suicidal thoughts and have acted on them, but quit early enough. 

    are your thoughts more of self harm or harming others?

    If you dont have anyone to talk to about your thoughts. why dont you share them here? I mean... that's what we are here for, right? Maybe they arent even as morbid and awful as you think they are. Maybe others have them too. 

    When I feel low I start researching methods. Get very technical. Want to know every little detail. I think that's how I cope and keep myself from really acting on them. 

    I hope my post somehow can help you. 

    • tina89895
      tina89895 Mermaid3011

      Posted

      Hi Mermaid

      What a great nights sleep not I've been waking all weird times all night the last two nights must of been a two off.

      My thoughts were nothing to do with self harm or suicide. I was thinking if I did commit suicide and was successful would they do a post mortem nd it snowballed from there. Then real crime scenes etc.

      When or if I do commit suicide it is by drowning where I live there is plenty of water and secluded beaches plus it doesn't involve anyone else also I don't want my son to find me at home hanging or taken an overdose.

      This is all in my crisis plan that has been written up etc with my cpn.

      It feels weird writing this out as if it is someone else.

      It is comforting in a weird way knowing someone else does think along the same lines and I am not totally insane.

      Tina x

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