more new drugs

Yeah as far as I can tell Im normal :D

Feelings / emotions are a chemical, psychological and physiological process, depending on whats going on it may be impossible for you to feel anything, its not a matter of choice

Hi

maybe going to the psychotherapist will help with the ability to feel,right now Im glad I cant.

Jo

If youve got the opportunity to see a psychotherapist take it, they seem to be getting the chemical aspects more under control Also Id be interested to know whether theres actually something organically wrong with ya

my Gp did basic neuro obs which were ok as he was worried too.he felt I seemed more animated too which is goodmbut was really annoyed that no one told him about OD (or anything since first saw psychiatrist.)i am so used now to feeling totally empty I guess I just dont notice if Im olk or not.Husband rarely leaves me alone as he is so scared re suicide but I dont think I would do that unless provoled by some awful event,lets face it,things couldnt be much worse.Unless I turn out to have some hideous,fatal condition,i dont care about that either.Am sure its the anti psychotics working not the mirtazapine,still needdiazepam which they have given me again,without all these things I would be nothing

Jo :wink:

my 13 year old has just had a major tantrum basically because of what I did ti her (for the second time in her life) by the OD.I feel on the verge of tears but they never really come and I dont feel anything,except the awful fear that one day I will have to face up to all the bad stuff and I know that will be the end.Eating -worse,rapidly losing weight,wont self harm though because its too hard to hide and I can bargain it with the vomitting.home care team came today and said it will take a long long time to get back to where I was,not sure I want to go there anyway.Gp says it will be March before thinking about work,but thats so unimportant compared to what Ive done to my daughter,making her think shes going to lose her mum to whom she is so very close.I cant be a mum or a wife or a friend,I am just nothing except a shell full of horrors that are getting closer and closer.

Jo I think that you are very brave to post on here. From what you have said you are still feeling quite fragmented and suicidal. I have a child too a little younger than your daughter. To explain mental illness to a child is very hard. She needs to know that you love her and care for her and nothing will get in the way of it. I wouldn't try explaining the od or any of your symptoms until you are feeling a lot better. If you can hug and cuddle her so much the better. If your CPN or GP can explain to her that you have been ill but are getting better that would be good. Leave the explaining till later.

Oh god, hey you dont need to be ill to feel uncomfortable in such a situation, Itd do my head in aswell :?

Posting here helps because the feedback helps me maintain some sense of reality in my odd empty world.Home care team help but not as much as they did because every day is the same and theres a limit to what you can say.Ive told them loads already.I have this psychotherapist appt for the 15th and am hopeful that will do some good,am mainly v scared because I am aloose cannon and one that doesnt care about any thing which is even worse.suicide still feels like its waiting for me around every corner,its like i know in the end thats going to be my only option although Im sure I wouldnt do it on days like today. :roll: :?:

Jo

I think that you are doing really well Jo. Your posts seem to be a lot calmer. I am not an expert just a fellow sufferer and a mum. Psychotherapy can open up lots of feelings. You might not be in touch with anything at the moment. Is this appointment private or NHS? I have had a lot of psychotherapy over the years both individual and group. You might want to keep a diary of thoughts and feelings. The success of your therapy will depend on the relationship that you have with your therapist (transference) and their counselling skills. There are many different types of psychotherapy. Let us know how you get on.

How are ya Jo? Any noticable difference?

wouldnt let me post here earlier,computer broken or site iffy. :shock:

see same old same old entry