More problems and breaking down.
Posted , 4 users are following.
I'm still dealing with symtpoms. On top of those symptoms, I've had new ones arise like my ear going quiet or a ringing in my head that's not in my ear. I've broken down today again. My time in Germany has been nothing but a nightmare. I can't wait to go home next week. I'm so afraid. I'm hoping I even make it to next week. I feel like my symptoms have evolved into some type of disease in my neurological standpoint. My head just doesn't feel right. My girlfriend and her parents are done dealing with me here. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm falling apart. This is getting too much to handle for me.
2 likes, 12 replies
lisalisa67 matt18919
Posted
lisalisa67
Posted
matt18919 lisalisa67
Posted
When I went to the doctor, after everything ran clear, he mentioned that he could give me Valium for the ride home so I won't stress so much. I didn't know if I wanted to take it because I come from a bad household growing up. My mom is a severe drug addict and it was hard living with her. Through her, I learned not to do those things.
But you're right about me feeling entirely done with all of this. It's such a disaster and I'm ultimately afraid of what's going on with me. Yes, I know that I should just say it's all in my bead, but my problem is that I feel like a brain problem is what's giving me these anxiety symptoms. I've been stressed so much that I'm running a fine line on going to the doctor and just ignoring what anyone else says. I've had this repair spot in my eye since the surgery for the retinal tear but it changed into a flash don't know if it's caused by stress because it seems to mainly appear when I'm stressed. It hasn't went away all day. My eye doctor said nothing is wrong with my eye so I'm beginning to feel like it's from my brain.i had a. Burning in my stomach earlier today that lasted like five minutes and it felt so weird and it was the first time that I ever had it. It radiated throughout my entire body. I'm just done with this guys. A couple of times today, my head felt slightly woozy and it felt more difficult for my eyes to turn. It made me feel bad. I had to adjust myself. The only way to stop them is to get in the laying position. My jaw will feel tightened too. My head will start hurting in my temple for a couple of minutes and my stomach burns with adrenaline. It's terrible. I can't go to class, I can't go outside for very long. I can't go to work like this. I can't have fun. Even whenever I'm doing normal things like talking to someone or watching a video, my body likes to give me random panic jumps. Not attacks but jumps. Then I'm always forced to stop what I'M doing and find a chair or bed. I'm finished with this. It ruined my life.
lisalisa67 matt18919
Posted
matt18919 lisalisa67
Posted
I'm living alone basically. I have my 19 year old cousin living with me but that's about it. I'm 23 years old if that helps the age issue.
Yeah, it's hard to sleep with these problems. Before all this mess truly started with panic attacks etc, I did initially have a bad case of insomnia. I'd only sleep for 4 or 5 hours a day. After my second panic attack, I learned to sleep at least 8 hours. These last few days, my symptoms have been keeping me awake later in the night. I usually went to bed around 12 or so. Now it's 145 and I'm still here.
lisalisa67 matt18919
Posted
lisalisa67
Posted
helen20833 matt18919
Posted
Great advice from Lisa!
You'll soon be home. Focus on that. Being home will bring you a huge sense of relief. Honey, all your symptoms are stress related as Lisa says. Those you have described I too have experienced.
You're frightened at the moment. Nothing bad is going to happen to you! It's all down to Anxiety/Panic Disorder. Hang in there and before you know it you'll be home
Something to aim and look forward to, right?
We're all rooting for you
Hugs
Fe64927 matt18919
Posted
Hi Matt ,
I hope you're feeling a little better since typing this . I really understand those HORRIBLE feelings . My sympathy goes out to you. Do as Lisa says in her reply & get home , get some Xanax , get some calming drops in a pharmacy if you can't get them in Germany . Once home you will start to settle .
peter1511 matt18919
Posted
Hi Matt,
so sorry you have lost some support from your girlfriend and family.
it makes such a difference having someone "there" for you.
you will find great help and support on this forum with people who know what you are going thru on a daily basis.
i know I don't feel that way at the moment but things will improve.
we will always be seceptable to anxiety,that's Justin our genes.
im sure you will look back on this post soon and see how far you have come
Peter,
tess33005 matt18919
Posted
I agree, Matt, with all of the above, and I'm sad that you're so unhappy. You do have people right here on the forum who will listen and try to help, so you're not on your own with this, even though you clearly FEEL very alone.
Lots of hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Tess
helen20833 matt18919
Posted
Dear Matt, I hope you have been to the GP for the valium. Please do not fear medication. Supervised medication will not turn you into someone drug dependant or most of the people in the world would be addicts.
I can understand, given the circumstances of your childhood, why you are wary of taking this step. But your mother was the one with the problem, not you. You, sadly, are the one left dealing with the consequences.
You are trying to cope without help at this moment in time. Yet right now is the time you need help the most. Struggling to hold it all together is exhausting and overwhelming and it exacerbates the symptoms. Prescribed medication will allow you some measure of relief. And once you are home you can, as Lisa so wisely advised, seek out a therapist to help you along the road to recovery. Even making the effort will be advantageous, because once we take positive steps to sort out our problems, it brings with it relief, a renewed confidence in our ability to recover. Taking control as opposed to crumbling before the awful symptoms.
You say your girlfriend and her family are "done dealing" with you? I should imagine this enforced your feeling of helplessness and that of loneliness. But unless one is a sufferer themselves, anxiety disorder and depression are hard to understand, unlike regular illnesses that people can relate to.
In all likelihood you feel abandoned by their attitude. But the truth lies more in their inability to understand. They feel helpless in the face of your illness. This can result in either abandoning any attempts to help or, worse still, having a "Pull yourself together!" impatient attitude.
They cannot help that anymore than you can help being ill. So please do not harbour any resentment towards them or feel hurt by their attitude.
Today you are another day closer to home. Being home will not be an instant miracle cure. But you will feel better on home ground, Matt. You will then be able to take steps towards sorting out your problems. And again, as wise Lisa suggested, you must make an apointment to see the opthamologist. This again is a positive step to, one by one, dealing with the issues that at the moment are bombarding you from all directions
I cannot emphasise too strongly that you are not alone! People on this site, who have responded, who have gone through or are going through a similar experience, not only understand but care.
We are all "there" for you. I hope you take comfort from this