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More problems and breaking down.

Posted , 4 users are following.

matt18919
matt18919

I'm still dealing with symtpoms. On top of those symptoms, I've had new ones arise like my ear going quiet or a ringing in my head that's not in my ear. I've broken down today again. My time in Germany has been nothing but a nightmare. I can't wait to go home next week. I'm so afraid. I'm hoping I even make it to next week. I feel like my symptoms have evolved into some type of disease in my neurological standpoint. My head just doesn't feel right. My girlfriend and her parents are done dealing with me here. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm falling apart. This is getting too much to handle for me.

2 likes, 12 replies

12 Replies

  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 matt18919

    Posted

    I think its a good idea to go home. May i ask do you live with your parents back gome. I think you will be so relieved to go home. What you experiencing is just a very heightened state of anxiety. No diseases in you. Can you get some xanax for the trip home. Its about nine hours and you are best off sedated for it to be honest. Ince you are home get in therapy. I think you will actually feel better. This whole thing was just too much for you,
    • lisalisa67
      lisalisa67

      Posted

      The generic name for xanax is Alprazolam. Have your gf mom help you get at least a few pills. You take one in the airport. And about five hours after that. That should get you home. I wish all the best. I really do i can almost feel your pain from reading all your stuff. You will make it. Keep seeing it in your head okay. Rememeber this is anxiety, yes severe but it is anxiety. I promise you feom my own experience and millions of other this gets better. You have to believe that and understand that! It absilutely gets better over time. Try and ignore every single physcial symptom as dangerous this week. maybe see if you can catch a sooner flight. I think every cell in your body wants to go home at this point.
    • matt18919
      matt18919 lisalisa67

      Posted

      When I went to the doctor, after everything ran clear, he mentioned that he could give me Valium for the ride home so I won't stress so much. I didn't know if I wanted to take it because I come from a bad household growing up. My mom is a severe drug addict and it was hard living with her. Through her, I learned not to do those things.

      But you're right about me feeling entirely done with all of this. It's such a disaster and I'm ultimately afraid of what's going on with me. Yes, I know that I should just say it's all in my bead, but my problem is that I feel like a brain problem is what's giving me these anxiety symptoms. I've been stressed so much that I'm running a fine line on going to the doctor and just ignoring what anyone else says. I've had this repair spot in my eye since the surgery for the retinal tear but it changed into a flash don't know if it's caused by stress because it seems to mainly appear when I'm stressed. It hasn't went away all day. My eye doctor said nothing is wrong with my eye so I'm beginning to feel like it's from my brain.i had a. Burning in my stomach earlier today that lasted like five minutes and it felt so weird and it was the first time that I ever had it. It radiated throughout my entire body. I'm just done with this guys. A couple of times today, my head felt slightly woozy and it felt more difficult for my eyes to turn. It made me feel bad. I had to adjust myself. The only way to stop them is to get in the laying position. My jaw will feel tightened too. My head will start hurting in my temple for a couple of minutes and my stomach burns with adrenaline. It's terrible. I can't go to class, I can't go outside for very long. I can't go to work like this. I can't have fun. Even whenever I'm doing normal things like talking to someone or watching a video, my body likes to give me random panic jumps. Not attacks but jumps. Then I'm always forced to stop what I'M doing and find a chair or bed. I'm finished with this. It ruined my life.

    • lisalisa67
      lisalisa67 matt18919

      Posted

      Nah it didnt ruin your life. Its just really bad right now. Wont stay that bad forever i promise. You need to call that doctor and get the valium or canax. You will need to use it on the plane ride. You will need it. Then when you get home throw it out. You need therapy buddy. You know that right. You havr too much here to handle all this on your own. Some outside professional help is a wonderful thing in this scenario. Im sorry about your mother. Im so sorry. You wont allow yourself to be a drug addict. You follow the the doctors rules. Okay. She messed up thats in her, not you, you have to get home in ine piece okay. You live your mom? Or your dad? Or on your own? Who is at home to give you support? Wow its like 130 am in germany im guessing you cant sleep. 
    • matt18919
      matt18919 lisalisa67

      Posted

      I'm living alone basically. I have my 19 year old cousin living with me but that's about it. I'm 23 years old if that helps the age issue.

      Yeah, it's hard to sleep with these problems. Before all this mess truly started with panic attacks etc, I did initially have a bad case of insomnia. I'd only sleep for 4 or 5 hours a day. After my second panic attack, I learned to sleep at least 8 hours. These last few days, my symptoms have been keeping me awake later in the night. I usually went to bed around 12 or so. Now it's 145 and I'm still here.

    • lisalisa67
      lisalisa67 matt18919

      Posted

      Look you had a rough childhood noone really tasught you good coping mechanisms. This is a lot mor fixable then you think. I think you entered into all this with something called ptsd now you have oanic attacks. It is fixable. It really is. When your home you definetly have to get into therapy.  Where are you from i forgot what you nited on the last discussion..just the area like canada..usa..uk..i forgot
    • lisalisa67
      lisalisa67

      Posted

      Also when you get home be sure to see an retina eye doctor because you want to get another check up on your eyes okay. They need to have the record of what occurred over in germany and that its all good. That must be done. Then you have a go to doc for that if needed as well. Thats important. Then off to the psyciatrist and get yourself set up with that. Then hopefully in no time you will slowly begin recovering and get your life back on track. 
  • helen20833
    helen20833 matt18919

    Posted

    Great advice from Lisa!

    You'll soon be home. Focus on that. Being home will bring you a huge sense of relief. Honey, all your symptoms are stress related as Lisa says.  Those you have described I too have experienced.

    You're frightened at the moment. Nothing bad is going to happen to you!  It's all down to Anxiety/Panic Disorder. Hang in there and before you know it you'll be home

    Something to aim and look forward to, right?

    We're all rooting for you

    Hugs

     

  • Fe64927
    Fe64927 matt18919

    Posted

    Hi Matt ,

    I hope you're feeling a little better since typing this . I really understand those HORRIBLE feelings . My sympathy goes out to you. Do as Lisa says in her reply & get home , get some Xanax , get some calming drops in a pharmacy if you can't get them in Germany . Once home you will start to settle .

  • peter1511
    peter1511 matt18919

    Posted

    Hi Matt,

    so sorry you have lost some support from your girlfriend and family.

    it makes such a difference having someone "there" for you.

    you will find great help and support on this forum with people who know what you are going thru on a daily basis.

    i know I don't feel that way at the moment but things will improve.

    we will always be seceptable to anxiety,that's Justin our genes.

    im sure you will look back on this post soon and see how far you have come

    Peter,

  • tess33005
    tess33005 matt18919

    Posted

    I agree, Matt, with all of the above, and I'm sad that you're so unhappy. You do have people right here on the forum who will listen and try to help, so you're not on your own with this, even though you clearly FEEL very alone.

    Lots of hugs  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx    Tess

  • helen20833
    helen20833 matt18919

    Posted

    Dear Matt, I hope you have been to the GP for the valium. Please do not fear medication. Supervised medication will not turn you into someone drug dependant or most of the people in the world would be addicts.

    I can understand, given the circumstances of your childhood, why you are wary of taking this step. But your mother was the one with the problem, not you. You, sadly, are the one left dealing with the consequences.

    You are trying to cope without help at this moment in time. Yet right now is the time you need help the most. Struggling to hold it all together is exhausting and overwhelming and it exacerbates the symptoms. Prescribed medication will allow you some measure of relief. And once you are home you can, as Lisa so wisely advised, seek out a therapist to help you along the road to recovery. Even making the effort will be  advantageous, because once we take positive steps to sort out our problems, it brings with it relief, a renewed confidence in our ability to recover. Taking control as opposed to crumbling before the awful symptoms.

    You say your girlfriend and her family are "done dealing" with you? I should imagine this enforced your feeling of helplessness and that of loneliness. But unless one is a sufferer themselves, anxiety disorder and depression are hard to understand, unlike regular illnesses that people can relate to.

    In all likelihood you feel abandoned by their attitude. But the truth lies more in their inability to understand. They feel helpless in the face of your illness. This can result in either abandoning any attempts to help or, worse still, having a "Pull yourself together!"  impatient attitude.

    They cannot help that anymore than you can help being ill. So please do not harbour any resentment towards them or feel hurt by their attitude.

    Today you are another day closer to home. Being home will not be an instant miracle cure. But you will feel better on home ground, Matt. You will then be able to take steps towards sorting out your problems. And again, as wise Lisa suggested, you must make an apointment to see the opthamologist. This again is a positive step to, one by one, dealing with the issues that at the moment are bombarding you from all directions

    I cannot emphasise too strongly that you are not alone! People on this site, who have responded, who have gone through or are going through  a similar experience, not only understand but care.

    We are all "there" for you. I hope you take comfort from thissmile

     

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