MS single mum and pregnant. Please dont judge. Advise please
Posted , 4 users are following.
The short version is that I am 38 and nearly 6 weeks pregnant and last month I was diagnosed with MS. I found out last week I am pregnant and my partner of over 2 years who I have a very casual relationship with came back from working in Germany and surprised me, you get the story. I took the MAP within 15 hours of see but it failed. He says that he doesn't want another child and can't say what will happen with us in the future and loves me but this doesnt mean we will be together ( he is still very worried about his ex wife and her mental state hence she doesn't know about me even though they obviously love apart). I have 2 girls already who are 4 and nearly 7 and do this alone. I'm so scared of the future with MS and cannot imagine another child But equally I can't imagine the guilt I will feel of a termination. On top of the above my ex husband is dragging me through court for control and its something he could have just asked me and I would have agreed. Instead I'm currently 2k in debt because of it.
I'm worried about a MS relapse of I have the child. How will I cope? Advise would be great as I'm all over the place.
0 likes, 13 replies
bic24773 kp1979
Posted
You must be feeling desperate. You need proper counselling advice and maybe also CAB advice. Is your on off partner in the forces? I hate to add to your woe but I sensed an untruth with him....are you certain he isn't spinning a tale? Go see your Dr re termination as soonest done etc. You can also call the Samaritans in your area as they'll have lots if relevant information fir other agencies. This is about you and your life and your children's, not a fly by night boyfriend or an ex husband. Good luck. With regard to the ms again seek your neurologists help or your Dr's. ??
kp1979 bic24773
Posted
Honestly. Sounds harsh to say but he is weak and scared of her. Is is too nice. Far too nice she treats him awfully , talks to him like diet and he is still kind and helps when she asks. I know how it would look from the outside looking in. But to be honest we are done now. I know I'm my heart of hearts what I need to do. Its weird that I'm now thinking this could be my last chance to have another child but on my own in this situation would not be fair. Thank you for the Samaritans idea too. Never crossed my mind. I have an appointment at a clinic on Monday in London as my hospital will not fund a surgical procedure with local anaesthetic and I refuse the medical as I had that with a missed miscarriage 9 years ago and it lasted 3 days and was horrendous. General anaesthetic is not an option as I have nobody to care for my children as I haven't told anybody.
Thank you X
bic24773 kp1979
Posted
Goid luck and I wish you well, truly. It's hard journey with children and MS I have it and mum had it. she was undiagnosed fir many years and treated like a hypochondriac until I pushed her to tell go I had it. Myum passed in October after an operation on her hip, she didn't come round. She lived til 80 and wad only really bad towards the end. They're trying new things all the time. Stay off sweeteners eat well.??
kp1979 bic24773
Posted
Sorry for the auto corrected words in my last reply. Hope you go the jist x
bic24773 kp1979
Posted
I just saw the rubbish I wrote lol right eyes playing up (dry eyes) and left arm. It's sometimes the first thing people notice and know its me. ;-). So don't apologise. ??
wendy80842 kp1979
Posted
Hope you don't mind me adding my dodgy autocorrect to the mix, but as you're in the UK, have you sought the Hel of a local MS nurse? Lots of us with MS have found them really helpful. It's got to be really hard with all the things you're already juggling already, without MS in top too. I'm a big believer in women being the one's with absolute right over their own bodies, so the fact that you are taking charge of the situation is a good thing. Take care, xx.
kp1979 wendy80842
Posted
Not at all Wendy the more the merrier.
I am still waiting for my referral. The neurologist appointments and mri were all private as I have health care with work but it doesn't cover chronic illnesses for any treatment so they had to stick me on the NHS waiting list and ice been told it can be 3 months. So far only 5 weeks and counting. Thank you Wendy still the biggest decision I've ever had to make in my life X
wendy80842 kp1979
Posted
I'm sure that it is a huge decision, there's no wrong solution, what you decide is YOUR absolute right. Re: a MS nurse, because youre diagnosed Ms, waiting for NHS appointment, 'you can still look for a local MS nurse . It just offers a different type of support, way to get treatment.
kp1979 wendy80842
Posted
wendy80842 kp1979
Posted
In your original post your said that youd been diagnosed, it won't matter that it was privately. Given the recent leave results in the referendum, I suppose it might matter if your a Brit of not, re: transfer to NHS, if you are a Brit, you'll be like me, crossings from private to NHS. I had already gone to NHS, when I saw my neurologist, that's when I saw MS nurse. Try asking neurology about ms nurses.
kp1979 wendy80842
Posted
True brit through and through. Not sure if thats a good thing or not now :-)
wendy80842 kp1979
Posted
I'd say that, assuming that the NHS doesn't crash and burn after brexit, it's still a good thing that we have the NHS/are Brits, hopefully the combination will continue to be good for us medically speaking. Probably better to stay out of Europe for any holidays untl we know where we tand for medical coverage. It must be hell staring down the barrel of a long term condition on the usa.
Actiquser kp1979
Posted
Hi there are different types of MS. Your best idea is to phone a MS nurse and discuss your diagnosis and where you go from there. You do need support.
Its your own decision whether to go ahead with the pregnancy. It will probably be your last pregnancy so ask your self if you want another child or not ?
Your partner is not reliable and no he only loves himself not you or else he would be supporting and helping you which he obviously does not want to do.
It sounds like he likes the sex but that's all he likes. He probably still has sex with his ex which is why he will not tell her about you. Nothing to do with her mental state or may be everything to do with it as she would rightly be jealous of you and see you as a threat.
Forget your husband and you could have save your £2k by agreeing to what he asked at the start sounds like you put up a fight if it was
" Dragged thro the court for control". No body made you spend the £2k and they are his children too. Sorry to sound unsympathetic.
You do need help and support so go to your MS nurse first for help.
As for the baby only you can decide but know that your man is not going to stand by you after all its just been a very casual relationship based on sex and he has said to you he doesn't want to be with you.
Better to get checked for any STD for your health and the babys since you had unprotected sex and it doesnt sound like your friend was without sex in Germany.
The priority is to think about your own health and that of your unborn child.