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Mum's Anxiety her whole life. It does affect your family

Posted , 5 users are following.

claire50093
claire50093

Hi, i need some advice if any of you could help me. I am convinced my mum has General Anxiety Disorder & health anxiety but she will NOT accept her symptoms are anxiety. I am 41 and ever since i can remember my mum has always been ill, from agoraphobia to allergies to just generally not feeling well. Every week she comes to my house with a symptom of some sort she has been diagnosed with Cervical Dystonia (muscle spasms in her neck) and normally this is her main topic of illness until every now and then other things start, She currently has aching bones and shakey all over last week it was her sinusis now she is convinced theres something wrong with her kidneys & today she had tenderness inside her ears and at the back of her head. I have mentioned GAD but she said this  it is NOT anxiety symptoms and she thinks knows the difference, she has a doctors appointment next week but she has been tested for absolutely everything i remember when her IBS was playing up we was up A&E constantly. She drinks probably two bottles of wine a night because she has no life, she dont go out much because most of the time she doesnt feel well or her Dystonia is playing up. To be honest im at my wits end with her, sometimes she admits shes depressed and we go Doctors and they refer her to somewhere which she'll  go to once maybe twice then either stops because she don't feel well enough to go or it doesnt work. But then she'll say im really trying to help myself. I just feel that if she got her anxiety sorted out all her other health problems will go as well and she could have a life. How can i convince her all her health problems are down to anxiety? Can anyone help 

thanks for listening 

 

1 like, 16 replies

16 Replies

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  • gillian81509
    gillian81509 claire50093

    Posted

    Oh dear sounds more like a variant of personality disorder where illness becomes a way of attention seeking either way she needs a referral to a psychiatrist and then hopefully a diagnosis
  • claire50093
    claire50093

    Posted

    Thanks Gillian81509 I hadn't thought of that.  funny enough when she was young she had TB and being one of 8 children i think she probably got more attention than the rest for being ill. The only problem is she has been to psychiatrist and had cognitive therapy and she said it don't work! But I'm thinking is it because she doesn't want it to work. 
  • MaDexter
    MaDexter claire50093

    Posted

    When your mother was younger was she very bendy? Did she find it easy to bend her fingers back, touch the floor with the palm of her hand without bending her knees, do the splits and other such things?  This seems a very strange question but it may be that it is all connected.
    • claire50093
      claire50093 MaDexter

      Posted

      I think she could yes.  why? maDexter this is an intriguing question smile i hope you have some hope to my question
    • gillian81509
      gillian81509 claire50093

      Posted

      Look up complulsive disorder but not just washing hands etc but health anxiety can link into it
    • MaDexter
      MaDexter claire50093

      Posted

      Well, when you talk about her being ill  a lot, having IBS and having anxiety, it struck me that it is possible that she could have something like Ehler Danlos Syndrome/Hypermobility Syndrome.  People think it is only about being about being bendy but actually there is a lot more to it and those symptoms are classic. It is a condition that is to do with the connective tissue  in your body and because 95% of your body is connective tissue, it can affect a lot of areas.  However, if you don't dislocate joints a lot, it can go undiagnosed but that doesn't mean you don't suffer. Many people with it are thought of as hypochondriacs or suffering from Munschausens, get depressed because nobody seems to listen and their families get very frustrated.  It might be worth looking into x
  • francesca45319
    francesca45319 claire50093

    Posted

    I would certainly say it was an anxiety disorder and some dysfunctional thinking. I think it would take a qualified psychiatrist to determine a personality disorder there are special diagnostics for that. As she has suffered for such a long time it's obviously become a way of life that she is used to and coupled with a lack of insight into anxiety she doesn't have the awareness to recognise it and has lumped all her anxieties into her health. It's hard to change and strangely people can become comfortable in their anxiety - I have to a certain point with regards to my agoraphobic responses ie don't challenge it. Change is hard and involves a lot of work! We can't force or get people to change, we can only coax and encourage in my experience. Best to do that slowly and perhaps gently challenge some of her health issues and how she feels. Best wishes, Fran x
  • claire50093
    claire50093

    Posted

    Thank you Gillian & Fran for your advice.I find it so hard I can't give her any sympathy when she is phoning me and describing every detail of her symptom that day, i feel like i have become a hard un careing cow. After this Doctors appointment on Tuesday and her tests will probably come back normal i might try and see if she will at least accept that it is anxiety and get some help. Thanks again guys smile 
    • francesca45319
      francesca45319 claire50093

      Posted

      Don't be hard on yourself, it's natural to feel that way it's very frustrating, my dad was quite similar with his depression and drinking just wanted endless sympathy and justification. I actually spoke to my dad's gp about my concerns re drinking. Perhaps if the gp says it's an anxiety disorder she might listen ..... good luck x
  • claire50093
    claire50093

    Posted

    it's like I'm the mother and she is my child !!! But Thanks again Fran i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders knowing that others go through the same thing x  
    • francesca45319
      francesca45319 claire50093

      Posted

      Aww well its good to help each other and share experiences its important. :-) Take care and let me know how you get on, happy for you to private message me on here. Fran x
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