my 2nd experience of a herpes outbreak

Hi, i'm a 19year old girl struggling to come to terms with the fact i have herpes- for the rest of my life. I was absolutely disgusted and horrified last year in november to be told by a doctor at a sexual health clinic that although the swabs had come back negative, she was certain i had contracted the disease. Naive and unaware that i could have an STD, i left it for a painful week before getting it checked. This is why the doctor had thought the tests may have come back negative, because many of the blisters had started to heal. I was put on a weeks course of aciclovir.

The herpes symptoms occured within a week of the first time I had unprotected sex with my partner. When i told him he assured me he had nothing of the sort and that the only problem he had ever had was the occasional itchy rash at the top of his thighs- easily treated with a topical cream from the doctors. We are no longer in touch but now that i'm more informed about herpes i strongly suspect that he does have mild symptoms of herpes. After the first time i mentioned it to him he seemed to get defensive and annoyed if i wanted to ask more about his sexual history. He said he had always had good judgement in his partners and none of them would have had a STD. So i attributed my herpes to a previous boyfriend who occasionally had coldsores- though never when he performed oral sex. This was a plausable possibility my GP agreed, because when i had intercourse with the partner who gets the rash, it had been a few months since i had had intercourse, and the GP said the friction may have caused the dormant herpes to have an outbreak.

I offer anyone who has experienced severe herpes, or just the devastating news that they have it, great empathy. With my first herpes outbreak, which was around exam time, (so I was already stressed), I also got boils for the first time. These started durring the course of aciclovir treatment. My GP said it was likely that bacteria had infected some of the herpes lesions and spread to my thigh. The most horrible and lonley- not to mention so physically sore, time of my life. I'm adverse to having a \"poor-me\" mentality however I admit to feeling so isolated and down at that time, not really being able to discuss it with anyone- due to the big stigma surrounding STDs. I have scars all over the top of one of my thighs as a result of the boils! So if ever you feel down about severe outbreaks and related complications, feel comforted that you are not in it alone.

I'm in the middle of exams at the moment and moving house. I have now discovered that mental stress and lack of sleep may be future triggers for reoccurrences. I have my second outbreak now and am trying to take a more rational way of dealing with it- getting as much information as possible and reading other experiences on sites like this- it makes you feel much better. Also calling help lines.

Tips i can offer are:

the salt baths, twice a day, i use iodized table salt which does the trick. After having one it makes urinating far less painful. Resting as much as possible- the emotional burden of going through an outbreak along with trying to make sure know one suspects anything is wrong (especially if you're limping or walking awkwardly due to the discomfort)- can be exhausting. My GP has also recommended that in future when Im coming up to exams or other potentially stressful periods, that i take aciclovir as a preventative measure. Lastly i advise to keep things in perspective- know that there is so much greater suffering out there and people dealing with other diseases that carry an even worse stigma! Also I've learnt to be less judgemental. In ignorance i've always associated STDs with uncleanliness and promiscuity- neither of which apply to me yet that didnt stop me getting herpes from a man i trusted.

Good luck and my thoughts go out to anyone else suffering from the emotional and physical pain of herpes.

(PS. i had a blood test after my first outbreak so I could have piece of mind whether or not I had herpes- trying to convince myself that i might not actually have it based on the negative swab results. The blood test also came back negative. So for the last 6months I've felt fairly comfortable with the idea that I most likely dont have herpes. However my GP and all the symptoms I have of blisters, sores and painful urination etc, have confirmed that i do have herpes. The blood test picks up on you having the herpes simplex antibodies, which may take a number of months to build up. Being in denial of having herpes, or any problem in life for that matter, certainly does not eliminate the reality of it!)

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