My anger is controlling my life and I don't think I can control il

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I'm a 23 year old female who to my friends is a bubbly person and a great listener.

Since 2015 my life went down hill I been suffering with stress from previous years and lost my grandparent which proper tore me apart and that same week I lost my job and was just being piled up with debt that I just kept to myself. I met a guy but basically he saw the state I was in and took me for granted and became physical. I stopped being with him and tried to basically get my life on track. Then I was told my grandparent who died wasn't really blood but was told not to say I been told so I have just had that on my heart and then I became this angry person. This year I met someone and clicked straight away basically moved in things was going fast. Then the past crept up on me and I would argue all the time which led me to be physical till he had enough and I just couldn't deal with him leaving I just felt he was my comfort but when I was mad I went all the way mad and took it out on him and he wouldn't understand. I've wrote a sucide letter but I'm just scared to go through with the actual deed. I cry everyday I just feel when I try to get back on track something else happens. I haven't been to my GP I'm scared to talk about it but here because no one don't know who I am I feel I can say it as if it's my diary.

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    You have had several problems, the first being your Surrogate Grandparent, that you thought was a blood relative then several relationship that have gone belly up.

    You need to grieve although you do not know why, if the Grandparent was, nor a blood relaive.

    I was brought up by a none related couple that I was foisted on and when I lost them my feelings were very raw as in all intents an purposes were my second family that were as close as a blood relative. 

    Many people are not related to use will die, that will not stop use from grieving for that person, they are as close as family and in your case that relationship was very close and you had grieved at that persons passing. Nothing has really changed the person in all intents and purposes was a Grandparent to you and you grieved.

    You actually need to grieve for the loss, and it will take time upwards of two years and then you may feel that loss for a long time afterwards.

    Talk to your GP you may need some medication and CBT because of the complex problem you have. Make a list of your problems and how you feel, you nee to move on and that can take time


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