My anxiety is ruining my life, and i dont know what to do

Hi everyone.

I was reading the articles on this site for a long time. I am a 24yrs old male, and i have a horrible anxiety that is physically affecting and ruining my health, and my everyday life. Its a really long story, and i am really sorry for my mistakes in my English.

I had bad thoughts about my health from my childhood. I used to do gymnastics, and every single time, when i ate something "bad", or smoked a cigarette when i was young, I always had thoughts that, its doing something that will result bad. After a breakup with my first girfriend "school love" i got really anxious and depressed. I chosen to go to a certain university, just to be close to her, and right before the start she broke up with me, i went there for half a year. I was so depressed that i couldnt learn, i overslept whole days, failed every exam then they let me go, after half a year. That is where it started. I had to do crappy jobs, and visit the council, before i could go to another school. I started coughing time to time. Sometimes coughed for a week, 24 hours a day, and then not a single cough for a month. I went to my gp and alergologist but they didnt find anything, chest rtg was clear too. I feel tired, unmotivated, since then, I stopped training and working out and i gained around 15-20 kg, and started stress eating. Its been 6 years now. One night before sleep, I did a self exam on my scrotum and noticed that one of my testicles is rock solid. I goodled it and that was a mistake. I got so scared that i have cancer and couldnt sleep for days. My heartrate went ballistics when i tought about that for a second. I went to an urologist, and turned out that i have an infection in my semen. I got antibiotics, and all the results were fine. I still felt that one of my testicles is tender, but the doc reassured me that its fine and nothing to worry about. After that I used to freak out like this every 3-4 month, all the time having the same issues, but after 2-3 times the doc reassuring me that everything is fine, and i have to concentrate to live a healthier lifestyle, my mind calmed down, until one night. I did another self exam and I noticed two bumps on my both testicles, i was at a party that time, and i freaked out. That night, I had horrible diarrheas, and wanted to vomit at least 10 times. I was completely devastated. Went to a doc once again, he noticed the bumps too. Took every test once again, plus he did a test for an inflamation markers. I asked him if he thinks, if it is the c-word, but he just smiled at me and told me, that those are 99 perscent cysts, but to be safe he did took the markers too. (As I looked at the system of my healtcare insurance company, he did the marker test, at my really first visit too.) Now i had to wait 5 days for the result, and i stared having problems with urinating, lower abdomen, back and scrotum tighness and pain. The results came, and turned out that my blood is clear, urine is clear, but the urinaty tract sample came back positive for an STD, that i got from a job, where my boss forced us lifeguards, to clean pools without any protection, an I contracted an STD from the pool.

Now the doc sent me to a nearby hospital, where they plan special treatment for STD. The hospital wanted to do their own blood and urine tests, and after the result the would give me the treatment. I had to took 4 urine samples, because their lab didnt have some stuff to do the test, and they dragged me out every 3 days, to make a 100km tour in pain, to take a sample, and then call me up that they still cant to the test, so i need to take another one. My lower abdomen pain was worse with every day, and i fell terrible. I had anxiety 24/7 and cant get rid of it. After aproximately 3 nervous weeks, 3 trips to the hospital with the urine in my pocket, and my numerous calls, i recieved and started taking medication for an STD. After a few days of chill, I woke up one morning, quickly got up form my bed, and immediatly fell on my table then the ground. I didnt have any ballance, I coudln get up on my two feet. I felt like the babies that dont know how to walk. I had to crawl to the toilet, and i freaked out. I started to have horrible migraines, and my ability to walk was coming back really slowly. It took my 1 week to get to the point that i can walk 250 meters without getting dizzy and vomit. My anxiety was over the root, and now i was concerned that i have a brain c-word. I went to a neurologist. I had a neck RTG, came back clear, then a brain CT, it was all clear too. At that time, i did a lot of joga, and neck training, and i felt it helped me. After two weeks, my ability to walk came back to normal, but i started experiencing something else. I started cughing all day long in some sessions really badly, it was the worst that i experienced. I used to get this caught shocks, where i was constantly coughing for 5-10 minutes, I couldnd breathe, and every single wein i my body and head felt like a pump. I stared feeling an inflamed throat, like having a ball shaped object in it. And i stated having a really back upper, lower, back an chest tightness, it was a feeling like some of my muscles are shorter then others, and i noticed that i have tinitus. Nigle bells every single day in my ear..... After my medicating my STD. I started adressing my cough and tinitus. I went to an Ototlaryngologist, who did every single test that they can, and are results came back normal. Then I went to a Pulmologist. My anxiety told me c-word, but the result came back even better than 2 years ago. My brathing capacity is better than average, and after I quit smoking, my x-ray was clearer then before. So everything was clear. The docs couldn help me with my back pain. But the pulmologist, adviced me to a gastroenteologist. I had a gastroscopy done, and the doc didnt see anything wrong. He took some samples, but he is 99percent that everything is negative. Now i am on GERD medication, for 4 week as a test.

I still have a horrible back, chest and arm tightness every single day, all day long for a year now, my tailbone hurts when i sit. I have vision problems. My eyes are red, inflamed, extremely sensitive to light. (I visited an oftamologist, and got meds, but i keeps coming back). Every single day, when I wake up I feel like, someone who was beaten up. I have problems with urination. I urinate every hour, or even more often. I go to the bathroom, and after a few minutes I immediately need an urge to go once again. And the tinitus is annoying too. Its affecting my everyday life. I have days when I cant do anything, I just sit in a dark room, and look at comedy serials that, make my mind wander elsewhere. The constant visiting the doctors, and tests make me really tired, and dont know how long can take it. Its destroying my life, and relationships, my study and work. The worst is, that i dont fell anxiety itself anymore. I just see the consequences, with my health. When I had my gastroscopy, i couldnt sleep for days before. Sometimes I woke up with a 150 pulse and felt like im going to get a heartattack. During the day I had to urinate like 20 times,and empty my bowel more that 5 times and right before the procedure, I felt like i am going to get a panic attack. I started sweating like never before and felt like i am going to get a heartattack.

Is anyone else who experieces something like me? I dont know what to do. I started visiting a clinical psychologist, but right now we are at stage where she does tests.

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