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Hi I am new here and at the end of my tether
I have had anxiety for 17 years, I am agoraphobic andcan only go out with my husband and I have OCD and some other issues, it's all a bit of a long story but I will say that usually despite being unwell I manage relatively happily on a day to day basis.
Just over 3 weeks ago that changed very suddenly, I was out and had a huge and unexpected amount of anxiety, nothing would stop it, I did the breathing and distraction techniques but it wouldn't stop.
Normally if this happens I am back to 'normal' again in a few days but not this time.
Every single day for over 3 weeks I have been in a constant anxiety state, it's the worst I have ever suffered in years, day and night, indoors and out I am having every anxiety symptom you could think of.
One gp offered beta blockers but I can't face the prospect of them, I have been on Diazepam for 17 years and the last thing I want is another pill to worry about because you can't stop beta blockers suddenly and they wont stop the fear and nightmares anyway.
To be honest I feel like I am in withdrawal from the Diazepam, years ago they did stop it suddenly and it was just like this except this time I am still taking it.
I have not increased the dose in 10 years and I don't want to either because every time I did that in the past the relief was short lived and I couldn't reduce the dose even after a couple of days without feeling really ill.
I have no idea what caused this, one day I was my usual ill but coping self and the next it was out of control.
I have a CPN and two months ago before it even got to this she said she would refer me for psychotherapy, I spoke to her yesterday and she hasn't even done it yet but says she is going to.
In the meantime I am shaking, sweating, hyperventilating, having chest pains and rapid heartbeat, waking with anxiety, visiting the toilet 5 times a day and many other symptoms, I freak out when I go in a shop and I'm lucky if I can even stay there, this is a very familiar shop too that usually I feel safe in with my husband but now I can hardly cope with it.
To add to the worry I have flashes of light across my eyes, hundreds a day and my optician can find no cause so is referring me for more tests.
I'm just stuck, my meds are doing nothing, my coping techniques are not working and I can't pinpoint a cause for this.
I have been doing some reading and one technique suggests that when you get the symptoms you should invite them in and not fight them, I tried at home and it worked a few times but I don't think I am strong enough to try it outdoors where I feel more vulnerable quite yet.
I'm really not sure where to turn anymore, I am sat here terrified to sleep because I feel anxious, I don't want nightmares, I don't want morning to come because I wake up anxious and I'm scared of going out tomorrow so I have this aawful fear and dread and to top it all I am scared I will wake up blind because of these eye flashes.
I'm so scared and I can't reduce it like I have in the past, I don't really know why I am posting, I know there is nothing anyone can do but I think I just need to let it out, it's so horrible and right on top of Christmas too when I just wanted to enjoy it with the children
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