My Anxious Journey into Sertraline.
Posted , 6 users are following.
So I decided to make a thread to record my experience with sertraline to help myself and others try and navigate this journey.
Background + History:
I won't bore you with my life but had childhood issues, which developed my anxiety into something that has and continues to affect my life. I remember it first started in an assembly in year 9, I just felt this feeling of self-consiousness, of being watched in a way. Since then every bad, embarrasing experience has destoryed whatever anti anxiety walls I have put up, and set me back further and further.
After years of fighting solo, I went to university (possibly the worse thing I could do) and it was like cutting open old wounds and then some. I had to drink alcohol just to make it to the few lectures I could bear to go to. Tembling, blushing, not being able to look at people, couldn't sit still, couldn't even talk properly. I probably looked like a right state.
Anyway from there it got worse, I had 4 lovely flatmates but started growing anxiety to them. Which is ridicious because I was great friends with them but I started to avoid them as much as humanely possible. Aka went from a relatively normal person to one that they didn't see for 2 weeks straight despite living in close proximity. I actually thought about going to the loo in the sink to avoid going outside my room.
So that's when I thought I might need some help lol. I went to the doctors and got diazepam 2mg tablets which were amazing, I had a complete change at first, I was going to lectures, chatting to strangers and even having laughs. But then diazepam was a sedative and I did not feel at all motivated and could not think smart when I needed to complete tasks. Both these issues resulted in me leaving university.
A week later I go back to the job I was working with during the summer, which is okay because I know these people, and along with my decreasing supply of diazepam the trasition isn't bad.
Skip a few months and the doctor decides it's time to start Sertraline.
I took 50mg. Upper back stiff painness about an hour into it, feel a bit odd but other than the really annoying pain, beaten back with a couple painkillers, there's nothing bad. Wake up in the night at 4am, go back to a very light sleep, wake up at 6 feeling nausious, weak, shivers, heart racing. Decide not to go to work, repeats for the next 3 days, come off it become lightheaded dizzy and odd feeling - fine the next day.
So that was round 1.
This is round 2 (1 and a bit weeks later).
DAY 1
I decided I'll try it again. Yesterday woke up like sh*t, vomited in the bath (not so bad if you haven't eaten breakfast yet). Skipped breakfast and stumbled to work. Felt awful for the next few hours but it slowly wears off into the afternoon. Came back home feeling okay and had a burger.
I don't know if it's a good idea but to avoid the morning awfulness, I decided to split the tablet in half and take half last night and half this morning.
DAY 2
I had some really really oddly disturbing dreams and felt super tired this morning but no waking up in the night, but do note that I can feel that my sleep from 5am onwards is light, and I did wake up to hear a door open and close, contrast this to normal me where a bomb could go off and I'd sleep through it. Woke up seriously dehydrated, my whole mouth was properly dry - need to drink more.
Morning at work I am a doze. I cannot concentrate on anything, feel like I'm in another place and feel so restless. My jaws keep clenching and I'm trying not to grind my teeth. In a way I feel like I'm on diazepam except my anxiety is still here and is little more sensitive. I don't feel ill anymore so that's a good thing. Despite a can of coke I still feel like I've just woken up 10 minutes ago, and man I am doing some serious yawning workouts today. I'm glad I brought my 29 inch monitor I can easily hide behind ;D
I do keep getting thoughts like "I feel like someone else" today but can't pinpoint it. I still feel like me, but less so. I also "taste" the drug in my body, sort of feels odd, metalitic. That bit is really hard to explain into words.
It's now 3:30 pm in the day and apart from feeling dozed (is that a proper word), I'm relatively fine and gradually becoming more fine into the afternoon as seems to be customary for me.
As a last note, I've been roughly 2 days on this drug but nothing has happened on the anxiety front, as is expected. Oh and my sex drive has driven off and is no where to be seen. I feel neutral to it, I'm just uninterested. Which as a male of 20, obvisiously isn't normal.
So there we go. I'll try and update regularly.
And see how it affects how I react in:
- Day to day life and activities
- Open spaces
- Social Interactions
- And Crowds
Thanks for reading.
2 likes, 4 replies
Zio10 Griff-
Posted
I think its good you are "journaling". It's quit good for you actually. I saw a therapist about yr hallf ago an he wanted me to start my "Worry Journal" which is ...you pick the hr. Anytime of day where you have an hr free. Start writing or you could put on computer to I guess. You write about everything bothering you, probl5, worries, angers, for 1 hr only. After that you shut the book on those issues an not ponder on them . Its extremely hard (for me). Iv developed a horrible negative thought process or worry process. Iv been dx with GAD an depression. Iv had anxiety since I guess 10 yrs an up. The odd stomach pains, joint pains, fingernail an sides of fingernails (the skin) biting till bleeding (i still do that) crying my self to sleep thinking when everyone esp my parent's were gonna die (still do that off an on an their 81 an Im their caregiver) taken to Dr with stomach pain at like 13 an Dr says "oh its just stress fr school an all". Now that was in 70's. I was not popular in school but developed " the class clown" or " she's so funny" to make friends. My parents were very HELICOPTER parent's. Im adopted an my Dad always said to my Mom" if the real family came looking, we would up an leave". Wierd. I blocked out being told I was adopted at 9 an then "re-told" at 18 an freaked a little because I didnt know! Blocked out at 9. Why??? Anyway Im on Celexa now for over 6 wks at 20mg an Im fixin to stop. Blah an no motivation at all an just want to eat. Iv been on Sertraline before. After 5 wks it was litterly like night an day. I woke up an a light bulb went off. Happy, no anxiety etc..unfortunately it made me very ill physically. Liver enzymes went up, upper back pain excruciating at times, severe diarrhea, anorexia. Took 50mg for almost 3 months. I broke in half due to stomach issues. Am then pm dose. Always eat first. Anything. Even a cracker. For insomnia I would take unisome ( no interaction I read) an it helped. Exercises to. Writing did help but became cumbersome an got busy an stopped, that was in 2014. Im on med #7. Haven't found the rt one. Our daughter passed away in 2000 an Im sure it escalated everything. Self medicated after that with Tramadol (horribly addicting) off an on an got bad in 2014. Had to be detoxed off of it. It increases Seratonin an norepinephrine in brain like a antidepressant. So depression hit hard after a month then put on Zoloft an there started my antidepressant anti-anxiety journey. I do take Klonapine (its longer acting)0.5 mg as needed. So I may try Zoloft again but start low at 25mg for awhile. It was the onlyone that helped mentally. Oh an had gallbladder out in 2015 so maybe now I can take it! Goodluck with your journey. Keep writing anyway you can, exercising, I listen to earbuds an my music even in car if anxiety coning on, avoid to much caffeine. I drink redbulls (cranberry is delicious)so Im trying to back off those suckers. Dont get bored. I find if I do Im dwelling on negative then the anxiety comes. My husband an I are having major financial issues an we have 2 teen sons. Im caregiver to Parent's who moved out their long time home into retirement community an now Im responsible for selling their giant home before they ru n out of money! In like 3 months! No pressure at all. My older sister is a selfish you know what an lives an hr away. But its all about her an how Im not doing things rt. So lots an lots of stress going on. But I hate that my sons see their Mother crying alot or freaking out. It hurts my heart. I dont want them having mental health issues. My youngest (14) is very solom so keeping eye on him. Sorry to type so much but anxiety is high at that moment! Good luck an God bless fr USA
Griff- Zio10
Posted
Thanks so much for such a detailed reply Zio10! I used to have depressing moments and I would write about it, and after I just felt so much more reasonable/accepting about the thing that was troubling me, but everyone's different and have different respones to ways to cope.
I find alot of people I know who have anixeity issues had trouble during childhood.
Also about your son, from personal experience don't assume gaming is an addiction if he plays alot, it's another way to avoid anxiety and social situations. I've probably racked up over 10,000 hours gaming, sure I was addicted but it was an escape from the real world. I have to monitor myself these days make sure I don't fall down into addiction again. It's so easy to do and yet so hard to stop.
I don't suffer from depression so I can't offer anything but my sympathies to your situation in that respect. But I can relate to your symptoms on Sertraline. I take it half at night and half in the morning and it really helps to reduce the side effects. Caffiene makes my anxiety so much worse, but yet I need it to wake up D:
Griff-
Posted
DAY 4 has arrived
Yesterday was relatively okay, I even managed to eat some breakfast. Drive was okay, but during work like all the other days I felt tired/dazed and unmotivated, and got seriously tired travelling back home last night which isn't good.
As sleeps (recently) go, I had a good sleep last night and woke up quite refreshed at 7am - no wierd dreams either. By refreshed I mean I didn't feel any side effects - I was still a zombie getting out of bed.
I notice my mood is very dim, I spent too long in the shower and forgot to brush my teeth D: I almost stayed home today because I just felt so groggy, and had absolutely awlful heart burn after taking the 2nd of my pill.
Here at work, I regret going in. I haven't done anything, and just pretend like I'm doing something, inbetween writing this. However I just took two powerful painkillers so I'm doubting I can drive home until they wear off. This doubt comes from the fact I feel more sedated today than any day (even before the painkillers) so far and haven't even taken my diazepam. Despite feeling sedated my anxiety is terrible, every time a door opens I jump and my heart races. I have to touch my face to help regain my senses.
Shouldn't have gone in today. But I will say all my physical symptoms have gone, I don't know if that's from my half and half taking or if I've got fairly used to the tablets already.
mandy84916 Griff-
Posted