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My body is at war with itself, rendering me to silence.

Posted , 2 users are following.

frustrated61
frustrated61

Sometimes I fall into watching The Housewives of Beverly Hills...Yolanda Foster (now ex foster) has a disease that controls her life. She's not able to do things for any length of time, if at all. Her main complaint is she said, "in the beginning of the illness, friends rallied  around her, but when it becomes long term, they slowly walk away to the point of not ever hearing from them again." When someone is ill, it doesn't mean they are a negative person and will pull you down. In fact, most I've talked with are the exact opposite.

I am also dealing with two auto immune diseases and let me tell you, most the time I'm exhausted, I mean I cannot get out of bed (not depression); not to mention that after that auto accident leaving me in such pain. I'm exhausted to the point that it's hard to get out and do things. However, the door is always open, always. I'm not trying to put anyone on a guilt trip or relay the feeling of "poor me"; that isn't the case at all. My goal is to make people a little more sensitive and aware of those who are suffering with long term diseases. I do understand that this scares people bc they know deep inside, it could be them. What if it was you? You'd try your hardest to fight, as I have. There comes a point that you just give in (but not give up) bc it is very hard and exhausting. My body is at war with itself. The life like this sucks big time...but I'm moving on.

My immediate family is always my strength but I, too, have lost some friends for doing odd things I was totally unaware of...I didn't realize I was having a bad reaction of Morphine..I had black-outs which I was totally unaware of however, once I stopped taking it and changed medications, my head is clearer, I can actually have a normal conversation...how about that :D What upset me is if they have been my friends for such a long time 33 or more years, why, just why, if they saw I wasn't acting like myself, why didn't they talk to my husband or my daughters...which is what I would have done...why? because, I thought we all felt the same way about one another and I did love them as part of my family.  Also, I would NEVER walk away from my friend of 33 yrs bc she acted weird and possibly insulting to them....I have a deeper understanding how true friendships work. Oh well...anyone experience the same?  

I have good days but honestly, it is far and few in between. It is so strange with diseases that don't really affect your looks...looks as though nothing is wrong..it's the silent illness; but underneath the monster takes control and moves to whatever area it feels like; rendering you to silence.

Anyway, I am very grateful for the friends and family I do have....I love you all <3   i guess once or twice a year i do this kind of rant to clear my mind. i just hope no one is offended.

thank you,

frustrated 61  ="" i="" guess="" once="" or="" twice="" a="" year="" i="" do="" this="" kind="" of="" rant="" to="" clear="" my="" mind.="" i="" just="" hope="" no="" one="" is="" offended.="" thank="" you,="" frustrated="">

thank you,

frustrated 61>

2 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • respecthealth
    respecthealth frustrated61

    Posted

    I don't think anyone would be offended, frustrated61. Your posting is like good therapy for you, just like talking and journalling are. People on this site are very kind and understanding and genuinely want to help, so you're in the right place. You're also doing others a favour by informing and being so honest. One small nugget of knowledge can help someone so much in their lives! There are also some who think they are the only ones feeling a certain way, so it helps them too in realizing they aren't alone.

    I'm very sorry to hear what happened to you, but so glad to know that you're not letting circumstances dictate to you. I've found you gain wisdom the most at times like this. Some friends just don't know how to respond to certain behaviours and are on a different part of their 'learning curve' in life. But you just keep on keeping on, saying calm and soldiering on, no matter what. I believe that's the secret of life. Best wishes.

    • frustrated61
      frustrated61 respecthealth

      Posted

      Respecthealth ~

      Thank you so much for your response.  What you said makes so much sense.  I knew it was therapy for myself but really didn't think that someone could actually take something from my experience to help them.

      What you said about "friends being a learning curve" could be true for the younger kids but these are full grown adults that raises many children and know better.  I truly believe that I became a liability to them and I also see that I never really noticed how into self they are.  Sad really.  But, God doesn't give you what you can't handle.  Perhaps it was time to see that I worked TOO hard for their friendship bc it wasn't real.  That's okay, too.  I am not jaded at all.  I will carry on.  I have 9 grandkids that keep me laughing and smiling.  My husband and a few very close, reliable friends and really, that's a gift and I am blessed <3

      again, thank you

      frustrated61 again,="" thank="" you="">

      again, thank you

      frustrated61>

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