My boyfriend doesn’t care about my mental health.

Posted , 4 users are following.

Okay well we have been together just over a year and it’s been tough just as any relationship has but this has gotten to the point ive took a break from him.

Currently well no for the last two to three weeks I’m having a bad depression and anxiety attack it’s not taking over my life as I seem to handle it but at points it destroys me like today. We just got into a big argument of him telling me it’s not his fault I’m depressive and negative and I’m the csyse etc blah blah and even though I’ve took full blame I have because I know some things are me, I’ve not been any way disrespectful towards him but he’s made me feel like a disgrace and a freak. I’ve been quiet and just took my time today with explaining I’m not okay but all he’s done is tell me I’m annoying, he doesn’t care if I break up with him again and he’s sick of being the blame for me being like this even though I’ve not blamed him and for the past 5 days I’ve told him how I felt and it’s not him I’ve did my best even though I can’t reassure myself I’ve tried to reassure him but my anxiety and depression constantly gets attacked by him or previously his family as they don’t understand, I’ve shown him posts, I’ve explsined until I’m crying and I’ve took breaks just so it doesn’t get worse but right now I just feel so crushed that someone I love has made me feel like I’m a freak for having a bad day. He constantly tells me I’m hard work and all I’ve asked for lately is a bit of comforting and extra love it seems like it was too much but I’ve got a lot on. I take time to help him more time than I have at times I do go out my way to ask him if he’s okay etc but it feels like when it gets tough he bolts from me and I’m left feeling more alone and insecure.

I don’t know if he’s good for me anymore but we seem to collide back together. 

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    Why do it?  Why be rude to some one having a tough time?  HE's the nightmare not you!  i suffer from ptsd but my husband hasn't blamed me for feeling like rubbish.  He cares how i am.  i know having ptsd is not the same as depression but the point is the caring bit.  You expect someone to love you for YOU, you are not his doormat he can stamp on.  Tell him enough's enough, you can't take any more of his nastiness.  That's not a boyfriend, that's well i don't know what I really couldn't say.  You're better than that.  Even with depression.  Good luck look after you, that's what I've had to learn to do.

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    • Posted

      He can be fantastic and so can we but anytime it gets tough he just says it will get better or we argue and I’m the one making the first move and if I mention any of this he says it’s not his fault and he does try. I just try to get people have faults no ones perfect but I’m drained.

      I feel like I’m constantly fighting for him to care I’ve even started asking for it which is stupid but I just want that comfort from him, he shows my love but then as soon as I feel like a queen and loved it’s like the door slams shut.

      He is someone I want to marry and have a future with but he won’t even talk about that with me which makes me think it’s cause of my mental health or I’m a bad mother (child from previous) he’s started to say I’m affecting my child because of it and it’s causing me to think the darkest things about myself I’ve laid at night just crying because I feel like a failure, i have insercuties from previous very bad relationships but I feel like I’m being crushed. I feel so alone and lost with him, I just can’t bare the pain for feeling like I’m something horrible. 

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    • Posted

      I'm sorry but I have to agree with Sam and I can't see a future for you with this man.  He is playing you like a violin just giving you enough love when he has caused you to doubt yourself then withdrawing it making you beg for more.  He sounds like a narcissist to me.  Look up the definition of this and see if it rings any bells. 

      There are some good articles on it on Psyche Central.  x

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    • Posted

      Hi al61628 - Sam and hypercat have said it. Your condition will only deteriorate. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't change what they think. They have to do that themselves and he has told you that you are annoying and treats you as a burden. Marry him? Get yourself well before you contemplate life changing actions like that. You have a child. You don't want that little soul watching through the years as (step) daddy belittles mummy regularly about anything. That modelling sticks in an impressionable little mind where primary carers are concerned. 

      You are desperately seeking something that is not there. Once you are free of his negative influence you will have space to heal and before long, you will realise how lucky you are to have escaped. And hypercat is absolutely right. Narcissist belittling you to feel superior. 

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  • Posted

    He’s now decided it’s not his fault he’s met people with mental health and they aren’t like me, that he is trying but has nothing to say sorry for.

    I told him the truth sometimes he makes me feel like I don’t want to be here and I just feel like he can’t understand or try and all he had to say was he’s tried and there’s nothing more to say I’ve annoyed him.

    I feel so low I just want him to love me like I love him, I would do anything. He doesn’t even care I’m suicidal he cares about nothing I’m just a failure. 

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    • Posted

      Hi al61628

      We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

      If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

      Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

      If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

      Kindest regards

      Patient

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    • Posted

      I can see your dilemma in how you would feel like this. Don't (and I'm trying to understand this myself) let any man make you feel like this. He's worth nothing. You're 100+ of him, why would you put your child through seeing that. I've seen a close friend throw her husband out as he had lack of money but strength of temper so slammed a microwave door in to her face. We packed his bags over 10 years ago, she's never looked back. What he's doing lots of women 'tolerate' don't. Tell him to go. Your son will thank you for it and your health will recover better. Good luck, I think you need that much!

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    • Posted

      Hi again al61628 - you are expecting him to be something he obviously is not. You have two choices: 1/ accept that he does not and never will love you like you love him; or 2/ Stop listening to him, stop seeing yourself through his eyes, pack his bags (or yours) and get the hell away from him. 

      Have you ever considered your distress feeds his ego? He's with you because he can easily manipulate you. He doesn't want to change things. You have to do that, and getting rid of him is the first move.

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  • Posted

    After reading most of this I took a break and he decided to tell me he’s sorry (usual s**t) and he wants to understand my health more, to be there for me and maybe go to therapy to get it more so I thought wow okay he finally wants to try but  I kept cautious he knew this I wasn’t accepting the s**t but the acting lasted until now all the love cards that meant nothing and the sorry presents.

    Mother’s Day I thought would be lovely but he’s once again ruined it to the point I’m 100% DONE. I’ve blocked, removed his things from my home and decided today well tonight is the night I’m over this s**t and I’m a strong enough woman to move on from his immature ass. I don’t mean into another relationship as I’m far from interested im just choosing to remove the negativity from my life and focus on my family and my everything, my child. 

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    • Posted

      Hi al61628 - you go girl! It will be difficult at first, but you are on your way to a new normal - one where you don't have to deal with all this. Hang in there, keep on trucking, and we are always here to talk.

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