My boyfriend dumped me because of his depression
Posted , 2 users are following.
I'm so confused so please help me. 😦
My boyfriend and I met 2 years ago (at the age of 21) and things were great between us. we loved each other so much and also planned to get married.
He had a very hard childhood. His father died when he was 11 because of cancer and since then he has been alone with his old mother. He doesn't have any brothers or sisters and his grandparents are so mean.
Last year doctors said that his mother has breast cancer. As she started the chemotherapy my bf had to take more responsibilities ( doing house job, taking his mom to hospital every day, supporting her, etc.)
Being under so much pressure, he didn't feel well and went to the therapy. later he was diagnosed with depression and started taking medication. He said he has lost himself and doesn't know what he wants in life. He couldn't even study anymore and had some problems at the university.
by the way I'm sure about his depression but he might also have bipolar or BPD too due to his mood swings, not being able to make a decision, changing ideas and sensitivity. not sure yet.
2 weeks ago he called me and said he needs some space (for 3 or 4 months) and then he said that he doesn't want a relationship anymore and that we can be just FRIENDS after 3 months. When I asked if this is a breakup he answered "maybe" and offered me to start a relationship with someone better than him in these 3 months.
When I asked the reason he said that being in a relationship is just a challenge for him now and he said your problems are also affecting me. He said that he likes to be with his friends and not me.
He also has told his friends not to talk to me and has cut all the communications. He told everyone that he has made his mind and doesn't want a relationship with me anymore but when I asked him he said "not sure"
I'm not sure if this was really a breakup or not, his words are full of paradox. I love him so much and can't imagine life without him. I'm really confused and hurt and don't know what to expect or what to do. I didn't leave him alone during his problems and
helped him so much but his behaviour was so cruel to me. I feel disrespected and unlovable and I think that if I didn't tell him about my own problems (although they weren't serious and promised to solve them) he wouldn't do this.
I'm blaming myself and I don't know what happens next. Help me please 😦
0 likes, 2 replies
jan34534 kim44812
Posted
it’s not your fault. it didn’t matter whether you told him about your problems or not. This is about him and what he’s going through.
Realize that He’s carrying a heavy burden right now. He’s concerned about his mother and is helping her with multiple things that need to be done. He lost his father to cancer when he was a child and now his mother has cancer and he is most likely concerned about losing her as well. That’s a lot to have on his mind!
He doesn’t have the emotional and mental
strength at this time to add a romantic relationship to all of what is going on. He’s not able to give to you at this time so that’s why he said you should remain friends only. He doesn’t have to invest a lot with his own friends but he would in a girlfriend boyfriend relationship.this is the message he is trying to give you.
Being depressed, he can barely take care of himself and his mother let alone give you what you need out of a relationship such as showing you love and attention and everything else that goes along with a relationship. he most likely has a lot of emotions going on right now such as depression, feeling tired, fear of the unknown, etc.
It sounds like he’s not ready for a relationship at this time and my advice would be to let him be at least for now. If he doesn’t come around in the near future then you have your answer.
it May not be what you want to hear but basically he was telling you that he would not be good in a relationship right now.
whatever happens, you will be OK. Life is full of change and we all have to make the best of it for our own sake. Take care
kim44812 jan34534
Posted
thank you Jan!
His mother is OK now and she has defeated cancer. But still he has a lot of responsibilities and also he's worried because he can't study due to lack of concentration.
He was always worried about the future and said that he doesn't know what he's gonna do. One day he wanted to be a psychologist, later he liked medicine or even computer science. Doesn't know even what he likes! I'm sure he can't even handle a simple job like that.
The thing is that I love him so much and can never move on. I will wait my whole life for him to get back. But does he still love me too? Does he come back if he gets better or prefer to start a new relationship? I'm so worried because of this. He loved me so much but the last day he was like a stranger to me.
Plus I don't think he would get better in a short time as he has got even worse since last year.