My boyfriend has been depressed and we haven't had sex for over a month. I'm not sure what to do.

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I had a discussion with him about us not being sexually active and he informed me that he has no drive and just has not been feeling aroused really. I told him I understood and have been very patient but I recently went on our history on our computer and he has been watching porn every single day and that honestly hurts my feelings. I feel as though he may not be attracted to me or something. I stay fit and work out on a daily, it is not like I have let myself go or anything but I can't seem to get that thought out of my head. 

He also has psoriasis on his goodies so that was also something that prevented us from having intercourse but I think just the absence of it has really taken a toll on me. 

 

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Emily, I been through this situation before. Me and my girlfriend at the time she has bipolar. We would argue a lot especially when I came home from work. Soon as I open the front door she would argue with me over anything. It got so bad that we stop having sex and if we did have sex she we be the one who had to initialize it. Then I started to turn towards porn. I was still attractive to my girlfriend but with constant arguing It made me not want to have sex with her. Eventually I move out and we went our separate ways. But the point I was trying to make is it probably don't have nothing to do with being attracted to you. There many different reasons. Hopefully you and your boyfriend can find a solution before it's too late.
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    • Posted

      Hey Bret,

      Thanks for telling me your experience, it helps to really see other's perspective. I am confused because we don't ever argue, we are super solid! He is manic depressive and bipolar as well. I have tried to suggest doing new things and have tried to ask  him to talk to me but he just gets sad and feels reget but still resorts to his porn. 

      I am literally trying everything that I can sad 

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    • Posted

      Being depressed can make you not sexually active but if he is turning to porn then that's not the problem. Is he taking his medication for his bipolar? Another reason a guy might turn to porn is if he wants to experiment with something different in the bedroom and afraid to tell you or think you might say no. If he still not communicating what the problem is it's probably best to get some couples therapy to see why he is withdrawing from sex. I really hope it can work out for you. I look back on my pass relationship and I regret that I didn't do more to help fix are problems.
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  • Posted

    Hi Emily, maybe he is trying to find his sex drive again which when your depressed is pretty hard he may be worried about his psoriasis and have a esteem issue that even with a partner may bother him? Ask him about the porn calmy without going nuts as that will just creat too much emotion he may open up about whats really happening? Just a thought....
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  • Posted

    You should do some research on depression to better understand and sympathise with your parner
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  • Posted

    what about contraception? femidoms condoms?
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