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My boyfriend has genital herpes but didn't tell me before we had sex, what shall I do?

Posted , 14 users are following.

kati66
kati66

Hi,

This is the first time I've been on a forum like this but I don't know what to do and I'm experiencing so many emotions :-( I had been seeing a guy for about a month and a week ago we slept together. We had unprotected sex. Last night he told me he has genital herpes, but didn't have any blisters when we had sex. He has now developed some this week. I'm so angry that he didn't tell me and allow me the decision as to wether I wanted to have a sexual relationship or not!

He said his ex had given it to him from oral sex when she had a cold sore but that she had not been affected by the herpes on her genitals. I don't know what to believe, I feel silly, embarrassed, upset and angry all at once.

If anyone can give me some advice I would really appreciate it.

0 likes, 17 replies

17 Replies

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  • pixie1989
    pixie1989

    Posted

    Hi first of all bad on your bf for not telling you weather he had blisters or not anyone he has a sexual relationship with could get it even if he has never had symptoms iv only just been diagnosed with it but iv done a lot of research the last few days just before during and about 2 weeks after an outbreak is when somebody is most likely to infect somebody. Its more common then what people think just somepeople never have symptoms so dont know they have it.

    Its understandable your angry and upset with him i would be aswell if he knew and didnt say anything. If you have caught it you may never have an outbreak so it will lie dormant. And just incase i would do research on all symptoms you can get ie flu like symptoms blisters sores just incase then you can get tested as soon as you get them and get some meds for it. Its not nice but it is not the end of the world it can be managed. But you cant be tested for it unless you have symptoms of it fingers crossed you will be ok x

  • m33r4
    m33r4

    Posted

    Sadly there is no cure for herpes. There are meds to help you with the symptoms however.

    Best wishes.

  • frankieh24
    frankieh24

    Posted

    Hi, Im 24 also and i found out i had Herpes HSV-2 when i was 22. For the past 2.5 years i have dealt with it really badly, it has affected me from having relationships and being able to tell anyone about it. I struggled with self-esteem, self confidence and depression prior to the diagnosis so it it naturally had a huge knock on effect for me when i found this out, so believe me you are not alone.

    The only people i found i could remotely talk to was sexual health nurses and doctors, i would say 50% of these were absolutely no help at all making me walk out of the clinic feeling no better but then i saw one elderly female doctor and she made me feel hopeful, 'normal' and like a human being again and for the first time gave me positivity about my life. I really held on to this when i was going through bad times.

    It has only been in this last week that i have actually shared with the closest people to me that i have herpes as ive kept it to myself almost in shame as a huge weight for the past 2 years.... and it has been the best thing i think i could have done. My closest people have been so incredibly supportive and have researched things for me.... if i could give you any advice it is to talk, communicate with people who you completely trust with how you feel, a problem shared is a problem halved. Do as much research as you can for yourself too, i was directed to 'Dating the H bomb' on youtube and also http://www.herpes.org.uk/ is simply the best support website i have found so check this out asap.

    Your bf/partner not telling you is admittedly not great and naturally you will feel a mix of emotions and you are entitled to feel this way, all i would say is weigh up all aspects of him not telling you, its no excuse 100% but does this reflect his personality i.e. is he not trustworthy fullstop or was it complete fear that he didnt tell you? This is hard understandably, only you can make your decisions. Keep faith though and do lots of reading! All the best :-)

    I really really struggle with it still and i think only time and positive people around you will help, but also telling yourself that Herpes may be a part of you a small part at that BUT it doesnt define you as a person....

  • jvanallen
    jvanallen kati66

    Posted

    yea I know a guy that has herpes and he makes sure to take his meds so he doesnt have any breakouts, and he keeps it a secret from women he is with, i think that is wrong
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken jvanallen

      Posted

      That is terrible and I don't know if you're in the states or not, but it's illegal here in america and a felony. You can also sue people who don't tell you and you catch it. I hate people like him, because men like him are why my first sexual experience in over two yrs was ruined! Because someone was a lying selfish prick to get some sex. How dare anyone think it OK to take a persons choice away. It's infuriating. I couldn't ever fathom doing that.. I don't feel like I have a choice to not tell.. There is no choice but truth and it says a lot of the character he lacks.
    • Chick100
      Chick100 feelbroken

      Posted

      I know women who have hsv1 which is the leading cause of gential heroes and they don't feel they should inform so if he's wrong and a prick then they are too. My choice was taken away by a woman so all men aren't bad stop that.

    • vin38220
      vin38220 Chick100

      Posted

      Herpes isn't a serious condition, but it is wrongly stigmatised. Regardless not telling someone is wrong. I have had hsv2 for nearly a year but always start new relationships with the truth. If they are into you then it will work out, if not then it's meant to be. At least u have your ingegrity. I'm sorry u were lied to, clearly that guy isn't worth your time. Keep positive , it's a minor skin irritation at worst.

    • kevinbender
      kevinbender vin38220

      Posted

      Its true, the stigma attached to herpes is ridiculous.Its because its on a sex organ thats why. People loose teeth have bad breath and gingivitis and its fine. Whats a minor skin irrritation? It cant kill u or effect ur health majorly. Its all about education at the end of the day.
    • lance92773
      lance92773 Chick100

      Posted

      Anyone male female x or o is wrong to hide this. There are many herpes infected sites for dating with herpes. If your afraid to talk about it with a partner. Use those sites where it's a given.

  • shaqeeta_80028
    shaqeeta_80028 kati66

    Posted

    Some of these comments are ridiculous... bad or not it’s still a incurable  disease  that stays with forever and he may have possibly infected her!!   Sue his ass for knowingly infected you a incurable disease that will stay with you forever !!!  Idc if he scared or what he made the situation worse lying to you and giving you something that you will live with the rest of your life man or woman it’s wrong to knowingly infect someone with any disease I’m so sorry this is happening to you and how of these comments show people who will infect someone off of revenge 😡🙄

  • lance92773
    lance92773 kati66

    Posted

    Hi Kati I hope your still here so I can speak with you. I just found out the hard way. My girlfriend of 4 months has herpes . Of course she didn't volunteer this information which has me wondering if she really gives a s**t about me. I found a change to my member a and showed this to her aand she proceeded to ask if I have had anything like this before I said never. She then disclosed that she was positive for herpes. I'm at the clinic on Easter Sunday getting checked out and really don't know what to think let alone feel. Help advise if you can. I feel for you. This seems like like the worst betrayal.

    • Beautiful73
      Beautiful73 lance92773

      Posted

      I don’t think she doesn’t care. It’s hard to be upfront about things like that. Things happen sooner than expected and that level of comfort is not completely there for some to be upfront. Honestly, most go on—really forgetting that they have the “virus” or just try to push it from their minds the fact that it still can be transmitted. What was the conclusion? Are you all still together?

    • lance92773
      lance92773 Beautiful73

      Posted

      Thank you for the response, we are months down the road. I was infected and went through all kinds of emotions. We are still together and hoping she understands what honesty now requires. I love her and I questioned how could she love me. I'm glad I stayed. It hasn't been always easy. Few things worth while are. But I'd advise against not disclosing this before hand. This is a felony in the United states and jail time is guaranteed if one prosecutes. Much better to be told no and move on rather than go to jail and carry a felony on your record.

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