My boyfriend has PTSD and is pushing me away

Posted , 5 users are following.

I’ve known my boyfriend since we were in 5th grade and we recently started dating...we had a great day on a Friday, he told me that I was his safe place, Sunday he told me that he needed space to work things out in his head, after battling an illness his mother passed away on Tuesday, I found out on Facebook on that Wednesday. He’s is ofcourse being distant, I offered my condolences to him, I got very short responses, but everyone that offered theirs to him on Facebook got sentences of appreciation from him....he’s being so nice to everyone BUT ME....breaks my heart, I know he’s grieving and I’m giving him his space..I’m new to ptsd and we’ve been friends for over 30 years so I’m NOT going anywhere...has anyone ever experienced the “being nice to others BUT me”?? 

0 likes, 12 replies

Report

12 Replies

  • Posted

    It sounds very typical of a sufferers behavior. My ex always treated strangers like they were supreme beings, while treating me like I was just an ordinary character in his life. We just recently made up from a six month shut down and block of communication. The time spent without him has allowed me to educate myself about ptsd and so now I’m a lot more prepared for his actions and behavior. When he’s not symptomatic, we have the best conversations, but when he’s not well, I don’t know what to expect. It’s gonna take him some time to regain the lost trust I now have due to everything that has happened. Good luck with getting through the tough times.
    Report Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Chris, I’m currently struggling with my partner! We have been together 4 years. He def has combat PTSD which is undiagnosed and he won’t come to terms with getting help. He had a really bad episode a few years ago and he completely walked away for a few months. He eventually come back and things were amazing! We went to NYC we got engaged and also booked our wedding 8 weeks ago. He has been so excited for it and really loving. Then a few weeks ago I think something happened to one of the soldiers he knows and things have got awful. I don’t know how to act around him or what to do. He has told me the wedding is off....every night he goes out and spends time with friends.....he is ok with everyone except me when nothing has happened between us! I’m so confused and struggling myself. 
    Report Reply
    • Posted

      Greetings Chloe,

      My heart goes out to you, as I am a supporter like you are and I’ve dealt with what you’ve described, in the past. He came back after being gone for six months and things seem to be just great. However, I would be lying if I said that I believe things are going to be great from here. I now know exactly what im dealing with, and so I’m very cautious not to disturb his mental well-being. However, im also aware that anything could trigger an episode, so if I’m just patient and understanding, then he’ll be more open and receiving of what I have to offer. Good luck and try to be patient; remember, it’s nothing to do with you; it’s his illness.

      Report Reply
    • Posted

      I’m trying my best but he just literally come home and he has not stopped putting me down, calling me a peasant and he controls me. Even said that he used my car yesterday and sped cameras went off and he won’t be paying them. He is beating me down bad. He is demanding money from our savings , but if he is leaving then the right thing to do is pay everybody back that has paid to come on holiday to see us marry. I can’t win , feel so alone and got no one to talk to because no one understands what he is dealing with 
      Report Reply
    • Posted

      He even just told me he wants to get a motorbike when he knows how upset I get about them...my brother died at 26 on a motorbike .....why is he going out his way to make me hurt or react 
      Report Reply
    • Posted

      I believe a lot of times it is for a reaction. I don’t play into the tall tales anymore. If it’s something that you know will hurt my feelings, then ok. I’ve started setting boundaries so that I won’t have to deal with them anymore.
      Report Reply
  • Posted

    What to you do? Do you have any advice ? He is the love of my life but the way he is now I’m ready to walk and then the next minute I wanna just give him big cuddle but too scared to as I don’t know what his reaction would be 
    Report Reply
    • Posted

      I don’t allow any aggressive behaviors or him hurting my feelings; these are just boundaries I’ve set. If he doesn’t abide by my set boundaries, then I will take a break from him. I used to allow him do whatever to me, but no more. I do understand his illness better, but he has to understand my need to be treated fairly. I hope this helps.
      Report Reply
    • Posted

      Good evening Chloe,

      I just wanted to drop a line or two to see if you’ve been ok. I’ve been going through somewhat of another isolation period for about a week. Respecting my boundaries, he at least will reply to a text with me letting him know that I’m checking on him and that I’m here. So unlike last time when he totally ignored me, he will at least respond with a small answer. How are things going with your fiancé? I hope he’s been able to get through his darkness.

      Report Reply
  • Posted

    Hi there ive been with my boyfriend for a year and this is the first time hes asked me for space and isn't txting or calling me he has ptsd his mother says give him time and he will come round in his own time but im lost i dont know how to feel my head says its all going to be ok but my heart is saying have i done something wrong how do you deal with it i love him but feel lost.

    Report Reply
    • Posted

      hi Kirsty

      its really difficult i used to think it was me all the tome and would be myself up for ruining it. its took a lot but ive now learnt 5 years later its really not me and nothing i do will all of sudden make him back to normal. i dont even get warnings. i just gove him the space he needs and things always work out. unfortunately its one of these things where u need to think whether u can put up woth these episodes probally for the rest of your life or not

      Report Reply
  • Posted

    Hi guest, oh dear it may feel like he's attacking/ignoring you but you're so close to all of this he's taking it out on you because it's easier for him. He's in pain. Let him takes his time and let him come to you when he needs you, not the other way round. I wish you both luck.

    Report Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report as inappropriate

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up