My boyfriend has PTSD? How can I help
Posted , 4 users are following.
I have known my boyfriend for 20 years.. we have been friends. We decided to start dating and planning a future 3 months ago. We share our news with both of our families and children and the reaction has been great. Unfortunately he is still in the Army and we are doing a long distance relationship until his retirement in 8-10 months. Everything he does, his work schedule, his after work activities, everything I am aware off. His free time is devoted to his sons that live with him.
I have flown to see him twice this year already.. and we already have a few more trips planned and booked already for the next few months. I have always known he has PTSD, but as friends I never really seen him during his episodes. Lately he started getting overwhelmed with certain medical issues with his parents, and I think that is what trigger it, am not 100% sure. But everything was fine until last Saturday that he text me and told me he felt drained out and was planning on spending Sunday relaxing at home and playing video games with his boys all day. I didn’t hear from him again until Monday morning.. he told me he is sorry for not responding to my messages or calls, but that he is overwhelme and shuts down when things don’t go his way or how he planned them. He said he does not want to hurt me, but he wants me to know it’s not me, it’s him. That he tends to not want to talk to anyone at all at times.. that this is the way he gets when he is going through his episodes. I know it’s onky been a few days.. but I want to know the right way to let him know am here for him, but at the same time give him the space he needs. Should I text him as constant as we did before? Should I just wait until he reaches out to me? I am telling him Good morning, goodnight, and I love you everyday. But since Monday he has not responded.
I have indeed kept intouch with his sons and I know they are all good.
He is 40. I am 37 so we both old enough to know what we getting into. I think on my end I just want to learn and get advice on how to help him during his episodes.
1 like, 3 replies
moon41001 Love123
Posted
I think as long as you accept him and his episodes and don't just walk out then he'll appreciate you for sticking with him and doing what you can to manage his ptsd. The contact of morning, night and I love you is perfect and maybe ask him for any specific communication he feels would be helpful in an episode and just male sure to stress that there is no pressure to reply, especially if he feels overwhelmed.
I struggle in my relationship sometimes. I have ptsd from childhood trauma from fires and then from later sexual assault and rape and I find I get extremely overwhelmed in my relationship. I've been a b***h to my boyfriend, I've been delusional cause of the ptsd, has intense flashbacks and everything and the number one thing that keeps me and him together is communication surrounding my ptsd. He knows my triggers, what I want from him when I'm in an episode and what definitely not to do. Though I am much younger and both me and my boyfriend are 20 with no kids involved, it has been working out for 5 1/2 months pretty smoothly. As long as you both communicate well outside of an episode you'll be able to manage during an episode, but it sounds like you're doing things right by him and doing the best you can. I wish you luck with the relationship and hope he finds good ways to manage his ptsd
uran21195 Love123
Posted
sam18386 Love123
Posted
Hi love123, I can see he really hurts and is looking for a reaction from you because he feels so rubbish. Don't you'll only refuel how he feels, stay the same you clearly always have been, don't pester him either, well contact because that's how he'll see it! I suffer from PTSD and it's my husband I push against the most, he knows when.to approach me, back off, hug me etc. He still sometimes gets it wrong, it's tough but with help we're managing, you need to clearly make sure he has help. Good luck, it's a tough journey!