My boyfriend is depressed and said he doesn't love me anymore, what should I do?

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for ten months now, which may not seem long to most people but we really did fall in love pretty hard. Things were going absolutely amazing in the beginning of January, we spent a night together in a different city and both agreed it was the best night of our lives. However, he told me two days ago that he's fallen out of love and that his feelings have been decreasing. His reason was that he's depressed and just can't think of anything positive in life, his mind is just always thinking negatively. He does still have very strong feelings for me, however, he isn't able to call it love. He doesn't want to end the relationship either because he thinks there's hope for the future. I love him with absolutely all my heart and I'm so scared that he'll never fall back in love with me. Do you think his feelings are coming from his depression, or has he really fallen out of love with me forever? I've been trying my best to comfort him, this is the second time he's been depressed. Before this, he was depressed for a year and meeting me ended his depression because he had something to look forward to every day. I'm trying to make his life better and I'm going out of my way to do the smallest of things to make him happy, but I just don't know if anything will work. We both live in Pakistan, a country he can't wait to get out of and we're both moving back to America soon for college. For now, I've had a friend bring Panda Express, his favorite food, from New York to Pakistan. It's a surprise I'm going to give him tomorrow night. He wanted it a few weeks ago and said he hasn't had it in forever and if I got it for him somehow he'd love me forever. Am I doing the right thing by sticking with him even if it's breaking me? I just want to make him happy and I don't want to give up on our relationship yet. Last night after a deep conversation he told me he's hopeful for our relationship again. Please help me, I'm only seventeen and this is the first time I've been in love and I'm so lost right now.

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  • Posted

    Hi zugumugu,

    You sound like a really kind, thoughtful, selfless and lovely person. There are many depressed people who would love to have someone as caring as you in their lives. A person with depression needs a lot of love and understanding and you're really young, I'm not saying that it's too much for you, what I'm saying is be prepared for it to be hard.

    Depressed people can temporarily lose the ability to feel things and to enjoy things that made them happy, which is probably why he says he doesn't love you anymore. If you make each other happy then stick by him and help him, but don't make a martyr of yourself - don't believe that you have to 'fix' him. Ultimately you can only support him, he has to fix himself. If it all becomes too much then you could take a break from each other until he recovers.

    Also, it's important that he sees a doctor and gets some proper treatment. Don't feel bad if it doesn't work out, 17 is possibly too young to meet the person you spend your whole life with. I wish you all the best!

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  • Posted

    Hi Zugumgu, 

    I was in Pakistan a couple of months ago visiting the in laws in multan. 

    I’ve read your post and wanted to suggest you read up on Borderline personality disorder, and the signs and symptoms as this may be the case e

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  • Posted

    Hello. I am so happy that you wrote to us and you will find kind and loving people on here. What I hear is a young man that is toying with your emotions and is manipulating you into getting anything he wants from you by using withdrawing his love from you! I have three words for you run run run! You are young smart and beautiful with your whole life in front of you. If you write a list of red flags your list will be long if you write a list of pros and cons it will be all cons. Scary. I don't think it will be easy but please listen. Diane

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  • Posted

    It's very common to feel nothing to anything when someone's depressed. I think he's really frustrated about 'falling out of love' with you, I doubt that's what he wants judging from what you've written. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year now and a few months ago I got depressed and it's only gotten worse everyday, I feel nothing for anything. I feel nothing for him. But I don't wanna leave him, I still got strong feelings for him but I can't call it love either. I think it's common for depressed people. It's hard to love when you're depressed, almost impossible, that's why lots of depressed people isolate themselves - not because they want to, but because it feels pointless. I get a strong urge to just isolate myself from everyone because I feel bad for not feeling anything. I hope he'll get better and hopefully he haven't fallen out of love with you forever. Just be there for him and support him as much as you can. He seems to be in a really depressive state of mind and need support and love even though he feels nothing. I hope it goes well.

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  • Posted

    Hi zugumugu - sorry to read of your situation. If the boyfriend is depressed he has a responsibility to get treatment and not take it out on you. If he won't get treatment, then you need to consider whether you wish to be involved in that sort of relationship. Meanwhile, it sounds like you are going well out of your way for him, but you must be wary of becoming a servant to his moods, or climbing mountains trying to get back his love. 

    See what results from the Panda Express gift. What a wonderfully thoughtful thing to do! 

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