My boyfriend is depressed and shuts me out.

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We have known each other since we were teenagers. 2 years ago after not seeing one another for years we started dating.  However he didn't tell me off his situation immediately. Instead i found out after months because he had to under go another surgery. It bothers him that we are unable to make love. I have been supportive but it's not enough for him. My question can some one with uretral stricture have a sex life?  In addition he just had an apptointment and the Dr. said he see blockage again, he may need another surgery. I'm willing to do anything to lift him up so he knows that I truly love him and isn't going anywhere.

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  • Posted

    Yes a person with urethral stricture can have a normal sex life. However while ejaculating or when coming it's very very painful because I experience it. And even if I want to do the second third time it's worse it's very painful trust me. This puts off sex but I still do it despite the pain I guess my desire is more. Anyways also to note after having sex urinating is another hell fire with pins and razors cutting u thru. So yes general is very pleasure but it come with heavy fire pain.
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  • Posted

    Hi Rhonda,

    It's tough for both men and women! Women want to be supportive of their partners, but men are so bad at talking about health problems. And health problems "down there" are the worst, because they threaten our sense of manhood. How can we still be real men if in any sense our genitals are not working?

    First of all, in my experience, sexlife is unaffected by urinary problems. The only limitations I can imagine, apart from him feeling that his sense of manhood is under attack, woud be if he actually had pain when, for example, ejaculating. Sometimes, with some medication, the ejaculate goes the wrong way, back into the bladder instead of out the usual way. That again can affect the sense of manhood. If he's experiencing that, using lube should help at least with making love.

    It's hard to comment specifically on your boyfriend's condition without knowing much about it. You say he has a stricture - how does it affect his daily life? Is he self-catheterising or self-dilating? Where is the stricture? Why does HE feel he can't make love?

    Surgery, especially on such a senstive part of a man's anatomy, is a scary prospect. Depending on where the stricture is, dilation may be a less frightening option. His doctor will advise.

    I hope you guys can work it out! If he can't talk to YOU about it, maybe you can encourage him to talk to his doctor and get some reassurance from him. From other threads on this form, I know that the sooner he talks about it the better - it's too easy for men just to put health matters off and not deal with them, and that risks making things worse in the long term, both physically and mentally.

    Best wishes to you both,

    Colin

    (Edinburgh, Scotland)

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    • Posted

      Hi Colin,

      All I know about his condition is that he has two catheters in one inserted in the penis and one directly into the bladder. The one in his penis is capped off, he said it's just to keep the urethra open.  He doesn't share much, I google a lot. Thank goodness for this forum, now i have a better insight.  He doesn't even let me go to the Dr. with him. All I can do is to continue to be supportive.

      Thanks for your reply.

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    • Posted

      Hi Rhonda,

      Well I can see how having those two catheters would discourage him from sex. If the one in the penis is permanent then penetrative sex is out, obviously. But - forgive the indelicacy - there are other kinds of intimate sex still available to you both. If he doesn't feel up to sex himself, maybe you could start by just asking him to give you pleasure. (Sorry if this is too delicate a subject to discuss here. Don't feel you have to respond to my comments - I really don't want to pry.)

      I wonder why they need the (presumably supra-pubic) bladder one as well - they could just hook the penis one up to a bag with a tap (as I guess they've done with the direct one), unless they are unable to get it as far as the bladder via the penis, perhaps. But presumably if it's there to keep the stricture open, it HAS got past any blockage.

      Best wishes to you both,

      Colin

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    • Posted

      Hi Colin,

      I'm willing to try anything but he's not there yet.  He has giving me pleasure however it's maybe 2-3 times a year. I then try to do for him what I can, I guess it's just no comparison to the real thing.  I don't mind sharing the better you can understand our situation the better you can help us. I'm so very thankful. 

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    • Posted

      Glad to help in any way, Rhonda.

      But this sounds much more serious than I'd realised - a year in hospital and a 2-month coma in the middle of that? It sounds like you and he are dealing with much more than a simple urethral stricture.

      I'm guessing you mean the supra-pubic (direct to bladder) catheter has been removed twice in two years. How often is the one in the penis removed? I only ask because the two times that I've had fitted catheters in the penis the urethra suffered a lot of irritation and pain after only a week. Because no fluid is passing down the urethra, it gets very dry and is easily inflamed by an object left in it. (Or at least that's how it felt to me.)

      Apart from those two weeks, I've used disposable catheters four times a day for the past year, just whenever I need to drain my bladder - much better for the urethra because they're only in for 2 or 3 minutes each time, and they're pre-lubricated. Also, the frequent use of them keeps any potential stricture at bay. I don't know your boyfriend's underlying condition, but it might be worth suggesting disposable catheters (aka ISC - intermittent self-catheterisation) . If it works it would be a much less intrusive treatment than his current set-up, and he might feel a bit more human and manly again!

      All the best,

      Colin

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    • Posted

      He wasn't aware that he had this condition, when he was 10 he had gotten hit by a car while he was riding his bike and the bar really banged into his testicles. He never had any complications until he was 46 where he says he almost died. He had a bladder infection that was really horrible. I gather his situation is much more serious, thats why I'm trying to eduacated myself and hopefully one day he'll set his pride aside and let me go to the Dr. with him. They removed both and yes instantly within 2-3 day his urtheta started to narrow. I just feel so bad for him.

      Thanks  

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    • Posted

      Well that really makes you think. For something to take so long to have such a terrible effect. It must be worse than just a stricture, I guess, to have hospitalised him for so long. And I'm sorry for all my insensitive remarks about manliness. He must be feeling terrible if they had to remove them. I don't know wenough to know why that would have affected his urethra though.

      They're always asking me if I had any kind of traumatic impact like that, but even if I had I couldn't remember that far back - I'm 58! There is a theory that my trouble started when I was nine. I was a bedwetter for a while, and they think that maybe to stop myself doing that, I taught myself such strong control over my bladder that it never really emptied properly. Over the years it stretched and stretched as I delayed peeing, until finally it stretched too far and lost its muscles and nerves for good. Just a theory, but it fits the facts.

      I hope your boyfriend eventually gets the confidence to tell you what he knows about his condition. Things always seem worse when you don't know what's going on, and it will be so much easier for you both when you can understand what he's going through and what he's worried about. But you know this!

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  • Posted

    Hello Rhonda.  Yes you can.  ut when a man has problems in the area it's hard to  talk about.  Just relax and tell him he can count on you and talk  you when he ready  sometimes after surgery you have to wait.  Just take 1 day at a time  Ken         
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    • Posted

      I read some of the other post hear.  2 catheters in the penis.  Does he have a super pubic catheter.  Is this after the surgery.  Trying to understand.  If it is after surgery he will have a catheter in for a couple of weeks to keep it open.  Has he told you what type of stricture he has and were .  Please e-mail me anytime.  I would like to help  Ken
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    • Posted

      Please excuse me for not knowing the correct medical terminology.  He has one directly in the bladder and the other one in his penis. He had his initial surgery 3 years ago where he was hospitalized for over an year.  Within the time he went into a 2 month coma.  To my knowledge the catheter was removed 2 times, with in the 2 years we been together. I so appreicate your help.

      Thank you  

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