My boyfriend is leaving me...

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I am divorced and never thought I would find someone to love and love me back. Yesterday he told me that he loves me, but is no longer interested in being together. We were talking about marriage and children, and it was so reassuring to know I was no longer alone. The rug has been ripped out from under me. I do not like myself when I am alone. I don't know how to learn to like myself. I hate so many things. I do not have the energy, drive, or any reason to bounce back from this....

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  • Posted

    relationship break ups are very hard to deal with an usually have the worst effect on people with depression, its so tough facing a future on your own, i know this too well. i split up with my fiancee 7 years ago and the only reason we talk now is because of my daughter with her, i been with a couple of other girls since then but never found the same feeling i shared with her, its really tough, i grew out of love an find it really dificult to find it again and because of my illness i fear that i will be alone for the rest of my days, its a real tough battle fighting depression, especially on your own but you can. my walls are well and trully up in that dept an sure i miss everything associated with being with someone but its not the end of the world. hang in there and talk to as many people as you can, strangers can sometimes be best friends but dont give up,,,,,,,,
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    • Posted

      I was open to this guy, he asked me to trust him and I did. I let my heart feel rather than always being gaurded and it was wonderful. I kep telling him that I was scared that if I shared my true feelings, if I shared my bad days rather than hiding them like I usually do, he would leave. And he did. I don't know if he left because of my emotional trouble, or some other reason. He didn't even do me the courtesy of telling me why, he just has disappeared. 

      I have dated a lot of men since my divorce (probably too many), but I didn't open my heart to any of them. It was just to pass time I guess, and they were all fine with what I gave them. But this one, he asked me to trust and I took a leap of faith and did. And feel hard. It hurts so badly to have someone I trust burn me like this. 

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  • Posted

    I presume you have depression.  I too am divorced, but after 30 years have had to accept I am alone for the rest of my life.  Depression ruined every relationship I ever had.  You still have the chance for happiness.  It sucks being alone.  I hate it.  I know exactly how you feel.

    When we have depression everything is so much harder.  I know what you mean about liking yourself.  Been there, done that.

    Sorry I am not much help am I?  Just brought back memories for me reading your post.  I am so sorry. 

    You will find the energy and drive, it just takes time to bounce back.  I have done it.  Honestly you will get back to your old self.  You will hopefully meet someone else who will make you happy.  Wish I had. 

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    • Posted

      Yes, I have depression. Since I was a little girl. So my "old self" is actually non existant. I hated therapy because they always asked, "befoe your depression, what did you used to enjoy? In the past, what did you do that brought you happiness?" I never understood the question until I was old enough and realized what happiness was. Conceptually and theoretically I know what it is, but I have never experienced it for an extended amount of time. 

      I have no drive, no spark, no interest in things. How do you find something you never have had? 

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  • Posted

    Has he explained why he doesn't want to be with you?  There may be things you can both work through, or do you feel he is not being honest with you?

    Relationships are never easy. Give and take as long as you're not always doing just the giving.  I suppose we all have unfair expectations  of each other and maybe thats the problem.  Being totally honest and open with someone is a fantasy, there are always things we keep to ourselves, sometimes for the best, sometimes not.  I guess it's what you want from a relationship that counts.  We all want to be loved, that's natural.  But companionship kicks in at some point and I think maybe that's what you need at present.  Someone to share time with, someone you can talk to and have listen, someone to care about you?  Do you have any family or close friends that you can spend time with in this way?

     

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    • Posted

      He says he is "working through some things." But that is no excuse to ignore me. A relationship is a partnership, and he has shut me out and left me in the dark. His biggest complaint is I don't share and tell him things. If I were treating him this way, it would be absolutely unacceptable. But I'm supposed to be okay with it when its him doing it. 

      I am lacking on the companionship part. I moved to this town, which is four hours away from my family and friends, eight months ago and aside from my boyfriend, don't have any family or close friends. Plenty of acquiantances, I have those in abundance. But with the depression it is hard to get to know people on a deeper level, on a level I can rely and care about them. I have people to hang out with occasionally on a Friday night. But not much more. 

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    • Posted

      I totally agree with you.  It sounds like it has been a one way street for you.  You have obviously taken a huge step in moving away to be with him, and that should emphasis your commitment.  For him to ignore that and treat you the way you say just shows who he really cares about....himself.

      If you feel so alone there, are you in a position to move back nearer to your family and friends?

      Opening up and getting close to people is difficult at the best of times and it's made worse when you have been treated this way.  I really feel for you, and hope you can find an answer.

      Keep us posted.  Message me if you'd prefer, I wouldn't mind.

      Take care.

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