My boyfriend is unable to feel love for me.
Posted , 4 users are following.
HI,
So my boyfriend and i were madly in love, i still love him more than anything. But in the last few weeks he has become extreamly depressed (he has suffered from depression and ocd since 7) and says that can't feel love or affection or any positive emotions. I am trying to be supportive, and I tell him I will wait untill it goes back to normal but it's so hard looking into his eyes and seeing no love there. It breaks him up too, becauase we had it so good and there is nothing he can do to get out of this depressive episode. He really does want to love me again. Im feeling really scared and sad, has anyone been through this? Will it be ok? thankyou.
2 likes, 9 replies
rob03933 Benanna
Posted
I've had the same issues as your boyfriend with the lack of feeling and I've felt extremely guilty about it and it's hard to accept. Just know that it is the depression that does it and it's not what he wants or what I ever wanted. You just have to be supportive as you can and don't take his depression personally and hope that he will win the fight against depression eventually and you'll both be stronger in the end.
Benanna rob03933
Posted
rob03933 Benanna
Posted
I still have issues with it and I go back and forth with it. The best thing that he can do is just accept it for now and not try to force himself to feel better because believe me I've tried everything and it doesn't work! Just try to keep in his normal routine of things he used to enjoy even if he has to force himself to do so and seek professional help if he is open to it. I wish you both the best of luck in the future and I hope his recovery is a speedy one.
Benanna rob03933
Posted
Guest Benanna
Posted
I'm so sorry to hear that. Just know that it's not your fault, it's his depression. You're doing a fantastic job at being as supportive as you can. Just hang on, I'm sure he appreciates it, too though he may or may not be able to see that right now. He doesn't want to be in the place he's in as much as you don't. When things lighten up eventually, he'll be very grateful that you stayed by his side, that shows how much you love him, considering what you two had from the start and that you said he does want to be able return to normal. Be patient with him and definitely don't take it personally. Best wishes
Benanna Guest
Posted
thankyou for your support, you have no idea how much it means to me <3
Guest Benanna
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I'm so glad I could help. I'm always here
levelslass Benanna
Posted
Hi Benanna I have a brother who is a manic bipolar, an ex husband with mental health issues etc. You are quite right to feel sad and scared. I don't know how old you are but as an older woman my advice is walk away. You don' t say if you're living together. Presume not as it's early days. 2 questions you need to ask yourself. Am I with this man because I think I can help him get better? You can't. This is a lifelong illness and if he was diagnosed at 7, he can' t pull himself out of this spiral without some serious professional psychiatric help. Even then he may be on meds for the rest of his life and you will never know where his true personality begins and ends. Do you want to be his babysitter for the rest of your life. Where is the joy in that for you? You've experienced some of his true reality and it made you feel sad and scared. If there is any hint of aggression or violence against you, whether mental, emotional or physical get out now. Unless you want to be a mental health nurse for the rest of your life get out now. The 2nd question is: what in your subconscious attracted you to this man? You may not even realise there were triggers in your life that subliminally made him look like a good bet. I don' t need to know the details but are there members of your family or friends who have similar patterns of behaviour? You may need counselling yourself if you are picking men who behave badly and yet you feel you want to help them and worse, you can help them. You can' t. There are lots of lovely men out there. Look for a partner who has a good healthy relationship with his mother, ideally someone with sisters who he gets on with. These men know how to relate to and treat women.Walk away from any man who doesn' t respect you, who doesn' t value you and who needs looking after. You need someone who will be there for you, especially later if you want children. You need to be absolutely sure when a family crisis occurs, you will be loved and supported. It doesn't sound like this is your man. So without any discussions which will make the situation worse for you, quietly and discreetly make your preparations and get yourself out of this situation. This is advice I wish my mother had given me years ago. Good luck x
Guest levelslass
Posted
Ah, I'm sorry to hear that. Life experience makes one wise, no doubt, and we're thankful for it, the good and the bad, it shapes us and makes us strong.
In this issue, lets presume the man isn't bipolar, just deep depression, doesn't necessarily mean he'll go crazy. I go through strong occasional bouts of depression, it's genetic. I refuse to lose my husband or loved ones over it, I chose therapy and it means the most having my loved onces close and I certainly feel it shouldn't stop me from having a romantic relationship.
Also, for any woman, be aware of any man who may present a facade in a situation where it may seem he respects woman (or a facade of any sort--time will tell.). I once dated a fellow who was nice to his mum and sister. From the outside it looks fantastic. After getting to know him, he really was actually in a very unhealthy relationship with both his mother and sister. His mother was extremely controlling and possessive, yet her son was very passive about it. He wasn't allowed to have a voice, other wise the man would deal with his emotionally and physically abisive father. His problem, not mine, the best thing I could have done was wash my hands of all that.
We can help a person and give good advice, all sorts of people give different points of advice, but at the end of the day, only we can make the decision for ourselves. Interesting convo points, everyone!