My boyfriend suffers from depression/anxiety and I'm so confused!

This is my first time posting on a forum like this. 

I can't believe all the research I've done since discovering my boyfriend of more than 3yrs suffers from depression/anxiety, but I still feel at a loss!

He works in an industry that has him moving around the country, and a few years ago, he moved to my city for work (he was born and raised a time zone away!). We met, instantly clicked, and he was the first to say I love you. He used to tell me I held his heart in my hands and to be careful with it. He used to tell me he was going to marry me someday. He used to be so thoughtful and generous and caring, going out of his way to do little things to make me smile. He said he moved here for the job, but he was going to stay here for me.

Then something switched in his brain. I've never experienced anyone in my life with severe depression before, so that thought never crossed my mind - it felt more like he was suddenly pushing me away, becoming inexplicably disconnected, I thought he was cheating. I, as we all do, become the product of our environment, and I did something I never thought I would do, but I was losing my mind - I went through his social media. As it turns out, I found out he was lying about things from his past, that he was adamant about not having done (ie. cheating on a former girlfriend, when he swore to me he could/would NEVER do that). He got mad at me (obviously), he yelled, cursed at me, threw his phone at the wall and broke it.

Things were quite dicey for a while. I didn't find evidence he had cheated on ME, but I still couldn't figure out WHY he was so suddenly withdrawn and not himself.

We split for a bit. He ended up doing terrible things (swapping inappropriate pictures with girls - something I always swore would be a deal-breaker, bc how immature is that and that's not the kind of man I want to be with), but we reconciled and started dating again. 

This on-again/off-again happened a couple more times. Sometimes just coming out of the blue - we would be having an intimate, loving moment, and then he would say he can't be with me anymore - he said he felt sad, he didn't know why, but he needed to give himself a tangible reason for feeling the way he felt. 

But he would always say he never loved anyone the way he loves me, and I feel the same.

Fast-forward to this past summer - he was offered a job back in his home town. A dream job, really, and without consulting with me (except for convincing me it was the best thing for his career), he took the offer. Tbh, I was happy he was going. I couldn't do this roller coaster of emotions and on-again/off-again stuff anymore. My health was at risk, my heart and my head hurt too much. 

I've been out to visit him quite a bit, and the visits are always so great, despite the fact I did some snooping on his social media while he was at work and discovered he was lying to me again (no inappropriate conversations, just girls he swore he wouldn't talk to anymore since he deleted them after the inappropriate-picture swaps). I felt embarrassed and angry, but could never tell him I snooped! I gave him the opportunity to come clean, and he skirted the issue. 

But he still tells me, "when are you moving out here so we can get married?", and that he loves me and misses me. He's my best friend, and I see him suffer with his anxiety and depression, and I try to convince myself it's not HIM, it's the disease (which he is now seeking help for - he knows he needs to change). But it makes me sick, his dishonesty, how he pushes me away, how he ignores my loving posts on his social media but reacts to everyone else's. I feel like a secret. I'm just so confused. When will this stop?? Is there ever a light at the end of the tunnel? When he was good, we were great. I'm afraid if I leave him now, he'll continue to get the help he needs and be awesome again, and I'll have missed out. But if I stick with this, and continue to not be treated the way I know I deserve to be, I feel like I'm missing out on maybe something else? I just don't know what to do!

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