My boyfriends mom died today from alcoholism, need some support and words of encouragement.

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Hey everyone, my names Lauren and I'm 20 years old, and my boyfriend Evan is 23. Today at 2:30 pm his mother died from liver failure from drinking. Her name was Judy and she was 58 years young. She was a second mother to me and I constantly was at their house. I watched her for the past year and a half kill herself. There were many interventions and ultimatums but she chose the bottle over her family. I honestly don't think she knew she was because she really underestimated her addiction and what it wS doing to her body. She made excuses and was looking for an illness that wasn't there, just her alcoholism. For the past 2 months, I've watched her eyes turn yellow, her skin, and watched her puke blood for days. She missed all of her doctors appointments, blood work, etc...it's almost like she knew she was dying but did nothin about it. It breaks my heart, for Evan and the rest of the family. She was critically ill and the sickess person in the ICU for the past week. It was inhumane to keep her alive at this point. There was no stopping it and no one could do a damn thing about it. I need positive messages

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  • Posted

    She was the sweetest most energetic person I know and this ugly addiction took her life. My boyfriend is a sober addict and I don't want him to relapse because of the passing of his mother...he is struggling severely and I think still has some resentments. I want to start going to AA meetings with him again. I love him more then anything but I won't allow this addiction to take him down with him just like his mom. She won't be able to hug her grand kids or be at our wedding...it hurts my heart. I can't stop thinking about how poor her health was and watching her struggle for so long.
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  • Posted

    I am so sorry to hear that, Lauren, and also sorry that she is yet another victim of a system which shows no compassion for people with this awful illness which IS a physical illness and NOT a life choice. Although you are upset and anger is one of the stages of grief, try not to see this as her own fault. It most certainly wasn't. She is out of her misery now.

    For your boyfriend who clearly inherited the condition, please send him to this forum. There are now treatments which have a far greater success rate than anything your boyfriend's mother was ever offered. There are also people who suffer with this illness (I am not one of them, I treat people with alcohol dependence) who will offer non-judgmental support and advice about treatments. This is the most supportive forum I have seen online with people who have no axe to grind, don't dictate to others about what they should do and accept that everybody needs to find the solution that works best for themselves. There are no overbearing characters in here who take over and argue rudely and, on the odd occasion they do come in, they are swiftly dealt with by the rest of the people here.

    Evan is young enough to have not done himself too much harm at this stage and now is the time to ensure that he doesn't get into the situation that ruined and ultimately ended his mother's life.

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  • Posted

    I am so sorry to hear your story Lauren and prayers go out to you and your boyfriend. Be there for him and Im sure that you can help him get through. If its not too much to ask, how much consumption and over what period of time was it to get to that stage?
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    • Posted

      Thank you so much. She has always drank wine preferably...but the last 4 years have gotten progressively worse. The last 2 years she was drinking a bottle or 2 of wine per day. Also she only weighed 110 lbs so very petite.
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    • Posted

      So sorry to read your sad story. As you say it's too late for your boyfriends mum, but you're concerned about Evan. Grief affects people in different ways and also the way we deal with it. Paul is so right about us living in a society which shows little or no compassion for someone who is dying or suffering from alcoholism. If you can get Evan to join this forum he will get non judgemental support from members who genuinely want to help.
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  • Posted

    Dear Lauren,

    I am so very sorry to read this - stay strong for Evan.  Do take on board what Paul has said get Evan to join the Forum I am sure he will find some reassurance and comfort from being on here as I have.  We all have to ask what started us drinking and any underlying issues which would really help with a Counsellor.  I see one each week.  Take care

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  • Posted

    Dear Lauren and of course Evan...

    I am so desperately sorry to hear of the passing of a beloved mother, and obviously, an adored friend....R.I.P. JUDY XXX

    my heart goes out to you all, but you must try to remember her when she was well...

    It is a cruel and lonely illness that is very, very misunderstood and also is frowned upon, unfortunately by many health officials....

    You must, never, ever forget that Judy would not have wanted to hurt any of you in any way, but alcoholism brings people to their knees......

    I consider myself to be very. Very fortunate..I was sectioned four times into a mental health clinic, and I had endless support from..CPN nurses and specialized alcohol workers....I nearly died many times, and the final section I was only two weeks from death....however, Evan can be ok...he will be angry, bereft, and maybe want to drink....all you can do is support him..( you must!!! Also look after yourself. )...

    I wish, also many others I am sure that there was A MAGIC WAND TO MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER ... but you will all be tiny thoughts and prayers....I truly think this is so, so sad I cried reading your post xxx

    PAUL TURNER IS AN AMAZING HELP...HI is !! And ALWAYS has been on the side of the alcoholic .....

    I wish you peace and solace at this very sad time, hUGE, HUGS to you all XXX DEIRDRE xxx

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your kind words! I appreciate it. I will have to have Evan try to get on a forum but in all honesty..he sees me on them for my anxiety and thinks nothing of them. But he will never know until he gives them a shot! I am also happy to hear you are doing well now! God blessed you and gave you a chance. Paul seems to know what he's talking about so I will talk to Evan and see what he thinks! He needs to be more open about where he can get his support from. These forums have helped me greatly with things I've struggled with.
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  • Posted

    HI Lauren, both yourself and Evan will be in my thoughts and prayers....I truly hope that you both find peace and acceptance..

    Look after Evan and of course yourself, never give up hope, life can only get better and it will....his mum will always be there for him, their love never ever leaves us....

    Try to have a good night's sleep both...

    Big warm hugs to you both..( and of course all of Evan's family )

    God BLESS ....DEIRDRE xxxx

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