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My boyfriends sufferinb from depression.

Posted , 3 users are following.

Maryannn
Maryannn

Hey Guys, hope you are all well. I've been dating this guy long distance about 4 yrs now , it was no love at first sight anything we were friends who over time grew madly in love with each other , we always had a really good realtionship we are in our late 20s.Heres a bit on his background,hes been living alone for about 6 yrs now, his dad passed at a young age as a result of this it caused him to grow up quicker than any average kid should have due to the fact his family was financialy unstable, he had mention to me through out our relationship that he's broken which i already knew from when he was telling me his life story, i can relate because i also am however I'm able to manage and deal with emotions a lot better than he can. He was offered a job a while back which seems to be taking a toll on him , constantly working and stressed out left our relationship on the back burner saying he doesn't have energy to do anything anymore he's too tired when he first got the job and was moving and getting started he somewhat had been withdrawing from me significantly, i was obviously hurt then 2 weeks ago he said he can't do it anymore and broke up with me and i said it has to be something else maybe your feelings towards me has changed and he said it was true that distance is enough to make you grow apart, which is weird cuz a month ago he was saying how much he loves me! Then he said he can't financially support me to bring me there it'll take yrs. He wants to remember the good times. Now i love this guy to the moon and back he truely feels like my soul mate, I've been with other ppl before but this relationship was different. However like 2 yrs back around this exact time of year he also an episode like this where he broke up with me cuz he was so stressed out cuz of his life situation he block me off of everything and then a month later came crying back to me saying he loves me and he always will, like a lost puppy like looking for validation i jus remained calmed and collected and i said i miss you a lot but i dont hate you for breakig up with me we talked here and there for about 5 months till we got back together. For some reason i was always so calm and understanding towards him, maybe cuz i know exactly how he felt. Anyways whilst i love him very much i don't even know if he will ever come back to me because of how he ended it. We broke up 2 weeks ago and i haven't contacted at all cuz im sure its what he wants, i have no idea really. What i would like to know is guys, Men who suffer with depression please explain to me what it's like, help me understand what he's going through and if theres some way in the future that we could ever make things work again i don't wanna be a push over and force anything hence why I've tried to stay level headed but I've been off all my social medias not posting and feeling very hurt and depressed, but obviously not putting that out there. Help please

Lots of Love Stacy

1 like, 10 replies

10 Replies

  • Adldiane
    Adldiane Maryannn

    Posted

    Hi Stacy. So sorry to hear that you are hurting like this. Have you heard the saying "this doesn't pass the smell test?" That's one of my first thoughts. If I was a guessing girl I would guess there is another woman in the picture. Have you given any thought to that? I hate to say that but it really is curious that he doesn't want you there and that he's done this twice. Have a question for you. How does it feel always have to be the strong one and to make excuses for his behavior. Yes his father died when he was young but he is functioning just fine. And not treating you very well. He's thinking "oh she'll always be here for me making excuses for my bad unloving behavior." What do you think? Diane 

    • Maryannn
      Maryannn Adldiane

      Posted

      I highly doubt it's another woman, because all his social medias are dead, yea i stalk it all the time loll to figure out if that was it but it isn't. Also cuz he hasn't remove our chats or took me off his social medias just incase if there was someone else in his life who would find it. He doesn't talk about his dad actually ever, i jus know that financially he's struggling to look after his family and himself and he thinks that he can't take care of me. He has always been struggling with depression it only just now hit me becausr it was never this severe.

  • Adldiane
    Adldiane Maryannn

    Posted

    Stacy I know you wanted us to explain his behavior but it's you that I hope you will start to care about now and start loving and caring about and to try to make happy. You deserve it Diane 

  • vinh05391
    vinh05391 Maryannn

    Posted

    I understand what he has been going through. It happened to me too when i was going through my depression. It makes your feeling numb. You feel almost nothing all the time. And if he is like me sometimes everything (because i have bipolar). I ended up seeing people leaving my life. My ex-GF, my friends. So If you can, dont push too hard. His emotion are likely to depend a lot on the mood he has that day, that time. Give him some spaces so that you dont choking him with the anxiety. Give him some ways to contact you when he feels better. I am sure that he has also thought a lot about it too. I have to deliberately break up with my GF so that i wont hurt her. I hope that you would understand and be patient about it. however, if you see any sign of deperate action from him. contact with his family for people who are near to him to help him. 

    Best of luck. 

    Vinh (severe depression for 1 year- 2 years in recovering)

    • Maryannn
      Maryannn vinh05391

      Posted

      To be honest what you're saying makes a lot of sense, cuz i was asking 1 of my friend if i should be the one the remove him from my social medias seeing as its over and having him around is hard, but at the time i was angry but i also want to be a good person ( i haven't removed him ). I get the not feeling anything because i have episodes of going A wall and not feeling anything for a solid 2 weeks and then i think i should leave him but i never do because i know its a phase and it'll past obviously after convincing myself quite a lot, however for a long time i never associated it with depression i just always wondered why i felt so void. Have you ever resolve your feelings of nothingness? And then have a burst of emotions that you just miss her. Is the me not contacting him at all the right way to go? Cuz i don't want to be annoying.

    • vinh05391
      vinh05391 Maryannn

      Posted

      It hurt me when i think about it but i did have a burst of emotions when i think back to her. Even now, i cant find anyone who accepts me.

      Caring and annoying is easy to defined wrongly by a person with depression. But you know that it is good for him. Give him somethings to fall back on when he realized what he has done. He may need space but stay close so that he can reach you. I am happy that he had someone like you who have not given up on yet. 

      Good luck.

      Vinh

      PS: Dont push him, just give him an option to go back. I hope i can help. I dont know if he has the same condition as i am or not.

    • Maryannn
      Maryannn vinh05391

      Posted

      Oh wow im so sorry to hear. How long ago was it? And where is she now? How are you dealing with your life?

      Im pretty sure he's not bipolar just he depression which is expected if anyone has had a life like that, i always wondered how he did it, made me see how strong he was, he does smoke tho he says its what got him through all those yrs, i hate the smoking but i love him more. My only fear is what if i become just as emotionally available (cuz ive seen it over the yrs in myself) because sometimes i tell myself i find it hard to emotionally connect to things outside of him and my pets (who i love unconditionally lol my emotions don't ever get lost for them). I do have anxiety and depression Developed a few yrs ago from my previous relationship ( which this guy actually helped me get over which is why our bond was so strong) he was mentally abusive and married someone else whilst i was with him but my depression developed like a good months after and my anxiety became a lot better( in the recent year or 2 now) to the point where i don't really feel anxious about anything anymore because it always forced me to do the things out of my comfort zone which is what helped alot!

    • vinh05391
      vinh05391 Maryannn

      Posted

      I think you should email me so that i can talk about it. I dont feel comfortable talking about these things here.
    • Maryannn
      Maryannn vinh05391

      Posted

      I sent you in private message not sure how this thing works.
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