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my brain's going to explode!!!!

Posted , 3 users are following.

chantelle98643
chantelle98643

this is going to be a very long discussion so sorry in advance. im a girl

History: i have HMG-COA LYASE DEFIC. Which for those of you who don't know it's a sickness or as doctors call it (disease) that i don't have an enzyme that controls the fat and sugar so it eliminates me to eating lots of fat & having to eat everyday meal or my blood sugar can drop fast and i can go in acoma or seizures which the coma happened 3 times when i was younger. Last time i had a coma was 10 years old and thats when they diagnosed me with anxiety disorder.

Elementary school- i have been bullied many times because i look younger than my actual age. I also went in IEP which is a seperate class for certain subjects to be taken which is slower than your normal class not only taht it's years younger than your actual age which didnt help me.

High,school- i met my best friend and another girl which is NOW my best friend. My old best friend used to make fun of me beause i didnt know my family's mother's tongue which is Portuguese.

Work- my boss wasn't listening to my co-workers who were in a higher position for me to go in that higher position and she was saying i'm not ready because i wasn't outgoing like my friend (co-worker). 

I feel like i was always acted like i was a kid and shunned out and i dont know what to do. I'm realy shy, scared, anxious all the time and i surprisingly end up with outgoing, gets everything, more experienced friends.

i'm a living breathing jealous, scared girl who doens't know what to do.

my fiance lives in america and he's moving here but we're dealing with immigration and i don't see him in months. When i have a plan with my friend the week before she couldnt hang out with him so she bailed on the plan cause he hasnt seen him for 2 weeks and she's a really outgoing positive girl who loves to help me so i don't want to say atleast your boyfriend is here and not across the border and atleast you can see him every week unlike me who has to wait until the other holiday that happens from america AND canada to actually see him; beause i dont want to seem needy but in my head that's waht it's saying that i'm always chosen second or last. 

the same friend used to be my i guess you can say mini boss cuase she was higher than me cause she already had past work experience as this was my first job. I'm an ECE by the way. She also works as a lunch room supervisor because we work before school 7:30-8:45 and 3:30-6:00 we have the whole in between so she works lunch room i the actual school board becuase she applied for it and i think of me that i have a wedding coming up i'm swamped in debt and i need to pay a lot of bills and i get seriously half of waht she gets and forsome reason i feel annoyed cause she doesnt need the money as much as i do but i feel like a bitch for even thinking like that cause she took the initiative to gain that extra job unlike me but with my anxiety it's sotpping me from doing everything. 

i feel like all my jealousy has to do with my fears and stress with doing some initiative when it comes to extra stuff. Even beauty i feel like i'm really ugly (of course) and i have friends who are not only outgoing but are beautiful and all the guys love them then you see me who no one wants to even talk to. 

Aswell my friends can have amy boyfriend then when they meet the guy the next day they ahve sex but they want relationships but it's so easy for then to have sex and make out and touch and with me i always have serious problems with my fiance with the kissing & holding honestly i have PDA problems i hate people kissing infront of other people but i feel like i'm the only one cause all my freinds do that. Personally i feel like it should be intimate but apparently i'm the only one who thinks that day and age (i'm 23). I don't have that feeling to have sex with my fiance like apparnetly everyone has with their boyfriend. At first i thought i had a problem but my body's working fine cause i feel like having sex just don't have the need to have sex desperately. 

i'm lost i don't know waht to do i don't know how to accomplish things i feel like i'm just shunned out 

help me 

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • rebecca84995
    rebecca84995 chantelle98643

    Posted

    Hi sounds like you have a life! Your going to get married you have a partner you need to put your self out there if you want to you don't have to stop thinking life in what you think you should be doing and be you!! Don't keep putting your self down! Your u n unique so make the most if that!! Try not thinking so much about what other people think of you xx
  • michaelall35712
    michaelall35712 chantelle98643

    Posted

    I'm not therapist, etc.  Sounds like you dealing with low self esteem.  We do get caught up in what other people think about us, and it is tough on us.  Especially when you have anxiety, and you think to yourself I have this illness.  And I must be less of a person because of it.  Of course those are lies we tell ourselves.  Sometimes we need to make a list of our positive attributes that we have, I can guarantee you have many! You just have to fill your mind with the good, instead of focusing on the bad.  That same applies with anxiety, because with anxiety.  We tend to think the worst, catastrophic thinking, worse case scenerio.  May be keep a diary of your daily interactions.  When you notice the ones that you are being negative, challenge the thoughts and replace them with TRUTHFUL ones.  Consider CBT.  I know for some people that don't have healthcare or money to pay for a counselor. Do you research on the internet for information, you will be surprised of how we are on ourselves.  Think positive!
    • rebecca84995
      rebecca84995 michaelall35712

      Posted

      It's v hard I know I'd say the most important thing is to be happy in your own head over any other health issue I tried cbt n it cost a fortune n I had to take diasapan (please excuse spelling!) when I was in the room ,it wasn't as easy as I had thought it's almost better to wait Tilly are in a good patch n have that done as you will have more energy to deal with it but of course I'm only one silly female!! So perhaps don't listen to me!! Wishing you all a happier head xx
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