My combat vet bf with PTSD and BPD asked for indefinite space, should I just walk away now?
Posted , 2 users are following.
my bf is a combat vet medically discharged from the army after being deployed twice in his army career where he developed combat PTSD and depression for which he's been getting treatment for over 2 years. he has been through a lot from childhood and so there's that trauma too.
we've known each other for about 3 months and been dating (long-distance) for 2 months. we've made plans to meet in person in 2 months time do that we can properly prepare. i offered to pay for half the trip but he declined and said he'll pay for everything.
he's always been loving and all that. we live each other and we tell each other every day. we also talk for long hours everyday. he's told me many times that he hopes that eventually we'll get married and have our own family because he craves a stable family of his own.
a few days ago, he asked for some space to deal with the crap going on (i assume in his life). all he said is "i need some time to deal with crap. i feel like crap and i need some time away". i asked him for how long he would be gone, and he said not long - it won't be long. i respected his wish and told him that i love him and will always be there for him when he needed me. he said he loves me more and we haven't spoken since then.
he's disabled most of his social media and hidden his "last seen" on the ones he didn't want to disable. however, he posts 2 random statuses once everyday on WhatsApp but nothing on Facebook. however he's active once or twice a day on Facebook. i haven't tried to contact him at all because i said i would give him his space since this is a battle he can only fight himself.
which brings me to my questions: is this his way of breaking up with me? is he really only shutting me out? am i crazy to believe that he'll come back to me? should i just let go and move on?
i would greatly appreciate a response from anyone especially other combat vets who also suffer from this PTSD. feel free to also send me direct messages.
0 likes, 11 replies
sam18386 Guest
Posted
Hi inlovewith, PTSD - it's easy for doctors to say but they don't say you cope as a partner, lover, carer etc. This forum is fantastic. PTSD hits not just the sufferer but those around them. I was never in combat but have PTSD through assault, my husband has had to adjust to some strange behaviour, tantrums, fear, upset etc. I am hardly ever happy. I cry most days, i feel i have ruined his life, stopped him being a dad, don't fit my wider family, can't stand touch and hate speaking about it! I know sort of how he feels. He's getting support, ars you getting any? Is someone other than family helping you? He may need space but it's probably not him being horrible, he probably thinks he's been kind. I have told my husband to find a girl out there to give him the family he wants but he always says no but that can make it harder.i feel unsupported. It makes me so sad, that's maybe how your partner feels. A break may do you some good but don't forget to be there if he decides he's got it wrong. Why don't you try speaking to a doctor with him? I wish you so much luck.
Guest sam18386
Posted
hi Sam,
thank you so much for taking the time to reply and share your experience.
I'm praying through it. I'm at peace. my worry is really that he won't come back especially since i don't plan to contact him. i feel that when he's ready he will contact me.
the only treatment he's getting are the meds that his doctors prescribe him every month. he's not allowed to seek out therapy other than the one provided by the army and he said that it helps but he can't properly deal the things because he's not allowed to talk about the stuff he went through which is the stuff that haunts him.
i was also diagnosed with bipolar depression a couple of weeks ago at his pushing me because my severe mood swings, depressive episodes and irrationality were affecting him badly and hence affecting our relationship.
before he asked for the break, he said we're still good and he just needs time to deal with all the crap(he called it).
i really hope and pray he comes back to me. but if he doesn't say anything at all to me after a week, I'll give him another week in which i will be getting used to the idea of breaking up - like emotionally preparing myself, you know?
because he is active on messenger so he's obviously talking to his army buddies. that just leads me to wonder if this is just his way of breaking up with me softly. you know, hoping I'll take the hint after a while and go away.
sam18386 Guest
Posted
Hi inlovewith, what i read in all that is he's getting this, that and the other. You're getting? What exactly? Who is supporting you? How does the doctor support your health because biopolar isn't funny! It maybe a waiting game... I am brainy enough to shout for help and i got it. I will pray for you too.
Guest sam18386
Posted
hey Sam.
he sent me some messages to check up on me about an hour ago. when i asked whether i was still taking my meds and i told him yes, he said that his mission was complete and he can treat in peace now.
so i asked him what he meant and went on to ask about the status of our relationship given his responses. i told him to give me a straight answer about whether he was ending the relationship or if i should continue waiting for him.
this is what he sent me:
"I need to fix my life you have no idea how broken it is, you can't imagine, right now I just want to go numb and find peace because if I don't I'm sure I'll kill someone although I'm certainly it will be the latter for me , I need to fix myself I'm so broken in every way, my body , my mind , my heart everything is broken just f***** broken although I WANT to be with you, you're probably the most wonderful woman I've met but I'm pretty sure we can't have it in the long run"
i said "ok, i understand. thanks for being honest. i wish you luck".
that was the end of it.
all in all, even though I'm hurt, I'm glad he had the decency to tell me the truth rather than lead me on.
so we're done and I'm just starting to move on. I've deleted almost everything that reminds me of him on my phone including his number, email, home address and our couple apps. i just wanna move passed this. it hurts though
sam18386 Guest
Posted
Oh dear i'm sorry, i think he's saying you go you shouldn't have to put up with this, it's my mess and i need to deal with it, that's what it sounds like. I do know sort of where he's coming through. We have both been through the same kind of thing today, because I have been in so much physical pain for weeks, am waiting for a coeliac camera and can't stop the bowel pain, i have just tonight told my husband to go, well almost. I just feel like i have ruined his life, all i am is Ill. It's no life. I need something to clear my bowel andy doctor won't do anything so i am going to ask Boots instead and ask for a suppository instead, i have just had enough. There comes a point where physical and emotional pain gets to you. I am getting really close to this. I feel like i should let my husband be free. It's so sad for you and for my husband.
Guest sam18386
Posted
hey Sam,
i think perhaps he never really loved me at all. but it's alright - is for the best. it's better for this to happen now rather than later when I'm more invested.
it's really horrible what you're going through. I'm so sorry. but why do you want to push away your husband? he knows that he signed up for better or worse. let him be there for you. don't you love him?
sam18386 Guest
Posted
Hi inlovrwith, i hope you find someone who appreciates you for you. Of course i care about my husband but i can't give him the child he wants so feel it's unfair for me to keep him against his will. I have been left with massive trust issues and anything to do with touch, physical touch, being intimate etc makes me feel so horrible i would rather turn against it. I just want to see him happy and how can i do that when i've denied him happiness?
Guest sam18386
Posted
hey Sam,
has he said that he wants to leave you?
my vet bf texted me this morning trying to get a conversation going between us. talking about how he thinks about me all the time and won't be able to stay away from me so i should just block him. that he can't stop checking out my social media. he said he's not begging me to go back to him either. i told him to stop all this. I've already started moving forward. I'm just done with it all and want to move on with my life. if he doesn't want me in his life, that's his prerogative.
PLEASE don't push your husband away. he clearly loves you so much. this is just a season and it eventually pass. don't throw away something beautiful. have you talked to him about your feelings regarding your marriage?
sam18386 Guest
Posted
Hi, i wish i knew your name! My husband hasn't said he wants to go. I know he cares but feel i'm holding him back! He wants kids and because of my past anything like this is so tough. We are OK otherwise re our marriage. He has now started having some counselling for himself, which is a good idea. I want him to be happy and i think i'm holding him back. I feel so guilty that I can't do this. Hopefully something will change, well i'd like to think so anyway.
Guest sam18386
Posted
Hi Sam,
i hope so too for you. I'll be praying for you and your husband.
sam18386 Guest
Posted
Hi, i will pray for you if you pray for us. Thanks! 😁