My depressed partner says he doesn’t think he love me anymore

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I have been with my partner for almost 6 years and he suffers with depression. About 4 years ago he had a melt down and we did get through that, he said he felt numb and low but we stayed together and soldiered on. We have had the best relationship I could describe and we are so perfect together, however a few months ago I started to notice he was edgy and snappy at small things, last week I asked him if he was still happy and he admitted the depression has returned, this time he’s said he doesn’t know how he feels anymore and I’m absolutely broken 💔  he admitted he’d stopped taking his medication in December as he said he didn’t want to be on anti depressants anymore, He said he weaned off them, after much persuasion he agreed to go back on them and also go to see his G.P. he moved out on Wednesday as we agreed he needed head space, we spoke on the phone and via text and it was comforting for both of us. On Saturday he wanted us to see each other so I agreed (far too early I now know) we Had an amazing night and didn’t discuss anything, he was completely at ease and stayed the night! On the Sunday I could tell he was anxious and so was I which wasn’t helping either of us, he decided he was going back home and got slightly upset and asked what we’re going to do if his feelings don’t return, I told him we’re trying to do the right thing by having space and what’s meant to be will be but I’m here as I love this man with all my being. 

He now tells me he thinks he doesn’t love me anymore, I haven’t spoke to him since yesterday at all and it’s breaking me apart. I have 3 children and he took them on and was a Fantastic step parent but he also says he doesn’t know if he took too much on with me and my girls, when we talk he constantly says how he’s suffering and how he’ll have nothing if he lets me go. I pray with all my being it’s the depression talking, he’s questioning wether he’s depressed because he doesn’t love me or talking this way because he’s depressed, he more or less said I’m an added pressure to sorting his head out, he was the most caring considerate human being befor all this. I am trying my best to be strong for my kids but I’m torn so badly. Broken hearts really do suck! 😢

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Louise - yes, get him back on the meds. See how things go then. Having space while he sorts himself out may be painful but it will allow him to decide his priorities without distractions. It's the best you can do at the moment. I don't understand that if the meds had worked why he would throw them away. Better to take the pill than be a mess in my experience. None of us want to have to take them, but that is what's required when you find the sort that balances you out. Best of luck whatever happens. 

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    • Posted

      Thank you Wayne, I’ve not had any contact from him which is the biggest killer when someone like him used to call me all the time throughout the day. 

      The only thing I keep thinking is he said these feelings started approximately 6 months ago and he was on meds then? 

      It’s so painful and I’m seriously wondering if he actually does not love me anymore. It’s very early days I know but it’s torture and I know I need to give him time and space but at the same time want to be there for him and help him through this very bad time in his life. 😢

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  • Posted

    Louise, I'm sorry... I know this all hurts. You really and truly need to have at least several sessions with a counselor/therapist...a minister...IF....he is actually qualified to take on and advise these kinds of problems logically, not just religiously...

    I really feel he may be 'trying to tell you something' that you really do not want to hear....but that he really does not want to hurt you. Depression or no depression... you are STILL aware if you truly love someone in the way of wanting to be with them the rest of your life. PLEASE seek therapeutic advice from a pro ... I could be 100% wrong, Louise... if money is an obstacle, talk with your Dr about possibilities of what you might do...Please do this for yourself...  Facing this NOW is better than letting this drag on... You sound like a very nice, loving person...you deserve the best and to know the truth... deep down I think you know this, too. Loving best wishes to you.

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    • Posted

      We have had a conversation and he tells me he feels he’s love me one minute then not the next, I know with depression this is what it does to your mind, plays tricks. He says he does see me in his future so I’m hoping. But most of all I hope he just gets this awful darkness gone for himself 
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    • Posted

      Hi Louise, thank you for taking the time to reply. I know this must be very difficult and its evident how hard you are trying to do the right thing, because you are a good person .... just please, do visit with a therapist to help give you some clarity and a boost!! OK? OK! 
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  • Posted

    So a quick update, I’ve seen my bf over the weekend, we went for a walk yesterday and I popped to see him today. We’ve not discussed anything but we’ve really enjoyed each other’s company and it’s baby steps but I’m praying there is hope for us. Hopefully this is the start to the road to recovery and things will be sorted sooner rather than later wink
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