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My emotions are a hurricane even the weatherman could not predict

Posted , 4 users are following.

brooke68006
brooke68006

The title says it all. Let me elaborate, and also offer the disclaimer that I will pay no mind to hateful comments from users who simply wish to scold, berate, judge, etc. 

I am a 26F with a career, a modest lifestyle, and a loving boyfriend of 3 years who has been a complete blessing in my life. Two weeks ago, I found out I was pregnant... 5 weeks along, to be exact. To keep a long story short, I am no longer pregnant; it was a very difficult, emotional decision that we came to together for a handful of reasons. I don't feel that we made the wrong decision, but I am having a whirlwind of emotions that I was not expecting to experience, and they sometimes leave me feeling as though I made a mistake. More accurately, I at times become so overwhelmed by my emotions that I RESENT my boyfriend. But why? I'm not sure; he didn't pressure me, we made the decision together. The fits of rage or sadness seemingly come out of nowhere, leaving me feeling completely psychotic once they pass. I cry inconsolably, I feel the urge to break things, I feel disgusting and worthless. I am sure my hormones are suffering a major fluctuation; it's evident by the barrage of pimples all over my body (I never get acne..NEVER!) He has been as supportive as he knows how, and has not left my side. I know it's not his fault, but I am at times so angry that he cannot feel precisely what it is that I'm feeling.

I know I am emotional and irrational and hormonal and probably grieving a loss, but I guess I just want to know if anyone else has suffered similar experiences following a MC or elective termination. Or if you have any advice, scientific evidence that this is somewhat normal and not just me suffering a psychotic break. Thank you <3 B

2 likes, 2 replies

2 Replies

  • phyllis11904
    phyllis11904 brooke68006

    Posted

    Obviously you didn't make your decision without thinking it through carefully. Nobody has the right to criticize you for your decision. You and your boyfriend are the only ones who have the right to decide what is best for you and your grieving is evudence that you didn't take the decision lightly. I had three miscarriages within two years and for awhile I hated pregnant women. I knew it was irrational, but I was jealous. I also felt some guilt that I couldn't protect my baby. I think it's natural that your emotions are so close to the surface right now and a bit volatile. If you don't start to feel better soon I would suggest you talk to your doctor about your feelings. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're young and have most of your life ahead of you. I hope you'll be feeling better soon. Good luck.

  • lucy1969
    lucy1969 brooke68006

    Posted

    I can only echo what Phyllis has said. You made the right decision for you based on your current circumstances, nobody should ever criticize you for that. Pregnancy hormones can be very powerful and it is likely the effects of these are still having an impact.

    Please be kind to yourself, tell your boyfriend what you have written here - it might help him to understand more when you are suffering.

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