My entire life has gone to hell, what do I do?
Posted , 5 users are following.
I've been smoking marijuana for well over a year, and it never really had any effect on my grades or focus in school. I managed to pass all standardized tests and even get commended on some of them. As the months went on I slowly started to lose my friends, not that they were good for me anyway. I started to slip into a depression and relied on cannabis as an escape from reality. In my childhood I had suffered from emotional manipulation and sexual abuse from an older sibling. I started slowly turning to alcohol as it was easier to source and less expensive of a habit. Ever since I tried alcohol everything went downhill about 10x faster. I got caught stealing liquor from my step-father and in return was not allowed to leave my house for several months, so imagine the strain that put on the few friendships I had left. Over the course of two weeks I stole liquor from my uncle. The first time I did I got black out drunk on accident and vomited all over the bathroom walls with no recollection of what happened. The second, and last, time I accidentally drank too much yet again. I acted like a deranged lunatic towards my whole family and attempted to run on to a free way. I was then checked into a mental hospital because of my history of multiple suicide attempts, self harm, and drug abuse. There I met my girlfriend who is the only reason I am still alive today. The family members I live with all despise me and want me to move to a different country in the Middle East with family that lives over there, I was born and raised in the U.S., they just moved there for work. I am at quite the dilemma as I cannot fathom leaving the few friends I have and living in a completely new environment. Has anyone else ruined their life's as I have? If so have you recovered or made progress since then? Please help me on what I should do in this hell known as life.
0 likes, 3 replies
Guest james33247
Posted
Hi James.
Firstly I'm so very very sorry to hear of your past of which I cannot ever imagine what it was like for you growing up, how very horrible for you!!!
Im guessing you're in USA? I'm in & have lived in UK all my life, I've never experienced any sexual abuse of any kind but, I did go from having quite a normal happy life, married with 2 lovely kids, a very well paid job, my own home, a lovely sporty brand new Lexus car parked on my drive, to losing absolutely everything, (apart from my lovely daughters), all of which was brought on by becoming addicted to Oxycontin which my Dr gave me for degenerative disc disease in my lower back!
I was taking close to 1500mgs per day which very nearly killed me!
My new partner has been an absolute angel to me & has stood by me through all the withdrawals I went through when trying to get free from all that Oxycontin etc!
I've now been free off that legal Heroin for nearly 19 months & my life is slowly but surely returning to what I would say was normal before it went to Hell.
Is there no one at all that you could talk to at all James? A family friend or any other friend etc?
What about a Dr who could refer you to counselling??
It's no wonder you turned to drink due to suffering the abuse you suffered James, using it as some kinda escape route to try to block out those horrible memories of your past that you so didn't ask for & was obviously not of your doing but was the doing of a very sick individual who doesn't deserve to breath the same air that you do my friend!
I really do hope you think of someone you can talk too in confidence as it would be the very first step to helping you get your life on track to recovery!
You deserve it James!
Failing that there are some amazing people on gere who just want to help you & are always here for you 24/7. You are not alone James!!
Please keep in touch James & anytime you neex to talk I, along with many other that want to help are here for you!
Take care my friend & all the very best to you!
Ritchie
stevie68229 james33247
Posted
James it sounds like you already have he answers to "what you need to do". You may have what's know as an addictive nature/personality where you need something to take wether it's alcohol or drugs. You know what you need to do so work a way round this. Get some talking therapy and make a plan of how you can change things. At the end of the day, if you don't ........ in a few years who knows where you'll be or what you'll be doing. Chemical wether it be alcohol or drugs mess with your mind, they upset your natural balances in your brain ...... the more you do, the worse it will be. I've watched a family member go from having everything to nothing, soon he will do something where there's no return. Stop and think now before it's too late and good luck xxxxx
brian_95595 james33247
Posted
Hi James
i was no expert on drugs but I had to learn very fast when my son who isn't 19 yet went berserk last summer. Apart from the fact that my son was a model child growing up and didn't suffer any kind of abuse your description of yourself is a mirror image of my son. You see addiction doesn't discriminate
it can affect ANYONE. We had to detox our son at home which wasn't nice at all. You have decisions to make and your family are right when they say go away to their home country but they would need to know that you can't access stuff there either. My son is in rehab in his second month now and is away from all his family and more importantly from his friends as every single person he knew in school was doing drugs or supplying them. Like yourself I don't blame him for getting into this state as he told me he was only 12 when an older lad gave him stuff. But this is the present and what happened is not a get out of jail card for you or him and you know you have to do this yourself so your already on your way it's just what is the best way to do it. You can't do it in the same environment you've been in so change it change everything and go for it.