My ex girlfriend is going through peri menopause she ended it it’s torture

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My ex girlfriend is going through peri menopause she ended it saying she has no feelings or emotions about anything we’re still friends although it’s hard at times I still get her to smile and laugh I’m smitten am madly in love with her and it’s absolute torture she’s cold detached selfish at times will she ever be the same person again I so want her to be happy and enjoy life but I miss her so much I try to understand I read about going through peri menopause but I just can’t take it anymore I know I sound selfish but I’m not I’d do anything for this woman I love her and care for her to much I respect her 

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  • Posted

    Hello Kevin I am so sorry I don't have the answer to your question as I am going through Peri myself and it's hell. All I can say is I wish I had a lovely boyfriend/partner who was obviously so caring and compassionate. Your ex girlfriend was very lucky to have someone who loved her like you.

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  • Posted

    Hi Kevin,

    Im also sorry you are going through such heartbreak. Honestly I'd leave her be, it is possible she does love you but going through peri myself, it messes with so many things and emotions are a big one. I've tried dating a few years ago and Im the one that's confusing, sometimes I think I really like the man, then the next week he annoys the crop out of me and I want nothing to do with him, then I'll go through a stage where I think I miss them. Sometimes I feel extremely needy and very earm and friemdly....and sometimes Im detached and want no one to talk to me and everyone gets on my nerves. I've decided it's best for me not to even talk to men outside of work or family until this emotional craziness settles down.

    Us woman are lieing, some of us go through horrible things in peri. Just as an example I love my kids with all my heart, would do anything in this world for them, but there are days I wish they would disappear, on those bad days I have to pretend I care what they are talking about...and that's so unlike me.

    So my only suggestion is to give her space, let her be, she may snap out of it, but you can't force it...she's going through big stuff.

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  • Posted

    You sound far from selfish Kevin.

    This whole experience of peri menopause is horrendous and I'm Sorry its affected your relationship this way. Obviously I can't tell you what will happen but she wont be this person forever.

    I'm greatly impressed at how supportive you have been and don't beat yourself up for feeling that you can't deal with it.

    The menopause is a vile monster that sucks your life out and replaces it with an alien.... But not forever.

    The range of physical and mental symptoms has been a massive shock for me that impinges daily, so I understand hers and your torment.

    I would give your ex a little time and to deal with what she's going through. She knows where you are if she needs you.

    Well done for coming on here and sharing your thoughts from a male perspective too!

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  • Posted

    Hi Kevin

    Nice to see a man trying to understand his partner at this horrible time. Peri and menopause does horrible things to us women. What people dont realize is the effect it has on the brain can be far worse than that of the body at times and far more difficult to live with. The female brain needs hormones to run properly so when we go through the change our brains have to learn how lo cope and the run body too.  Sadly the other chemicals they produce to try and keep things running also have very bad side effects on our brains, causing crippling anxiety depression, crazy mood swings that can happen in seconds as you get a surge of adrenaline or cortisol as you body trys to compensate.  It also causes massive imblances in the drain of chemicals like serotonin which are needed for mood and general personality stability. Hense the craziness that comes with it. I too have experienced all of the above at times and found them a huge challenge. I went through a stage where i hated my husband for no specific reason , every little thing he said or did just wound me up to the point where i could happily hit him with a shovel and bury him under the patio smile joking a side it was hell, moods changing from one minute the next, trying so hard to not let spill out onto the people around me. I cut myself off from everyone.. hardly spoke to a soul for almost 9 months, just grunted at my husband when i needed to and tried to explain as best i could what was happening to me. I was lucky in as much as i had the for sight to go online and talk with other women so i knew what it was and why iot was. This was a huge help and allowed me to manage my relationships at this time without causing any harm. Sadly alot of women dont see it for what it is and think that they no longer have feelings and that everyone around them does not understand or care. 

    My advise to you is to hang in there, be there for her when she needs it, tell her you love her  no matter what she feels about you.  Most of all try and understand its not her that you are seeing, just a product of the crazy time that all women have to go through and given time it will ease and improve.

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  • Posted

    So sorry you are dealing with this. I wish I could give you the solution but it is about her and how she is dealing with this stage and not so much about you. I sat my hubby down not too long ago and laid it out on the table as to what was going on with me and what I could possibly be dealing with as time goes on. I read him the 66 symptoms and felt it was best to inform him so he was not blindsided by different behaviors from me. Peri Menopause/menopause doesnt last forever. I have spoken to women who have gone thru it and they say you return to normal after and life does get good again. You soumd lile a very supportive man and I hope that with open communication between the two of you, you can get past this. I wish you well.
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  • Posted

    Hi Kevin, my it is unusual for a man to post on here but unlike most men it shows you care. Try to talk to her about hrt or bhrt as it sounds like she has gone through some pretty extreme changes so she may need medical help. You dont say where you are. If you are uk get her to arrange an appointment with an endocrinologist who can carry out in depth tests to find out whats going on and what help she needs. She will thank you in the long run so as you are still friends try to convince her that it is for her own good to find out whats happening. Good luck hun XXX
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