My ex-husband is a drug addict and he is coming out of jail

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My ex-husband has been in and out of jail since he was 16, I didn't know this before I married him, he told me he got "in trouble" when he was younger, I figured it was something minor or a DUI. I found him doing Ketamine one day, and he told me the truth about all the deep issues he has, big drug addiction, chronic depression, was in jail for 3 years, anxiety and he is also bipolar, and choses not to take medication for it. I was only 23 and I freaked out, filed for divorce and left him, but we haven't been able to leave each other alone completely. I gave him another chance, he wasn't able to get clean so I haven't been romantically with him for over 3 years now, however we do talk on the phone an email. In those 3 years that I left him, he went back to jail 3 times. The last time for 9 months, and he is terrified of facing reality, after 2 years of not talking with each other at all, I wrote him a letter to let him  I forgave him and I understood a little bit more about his issues now that I'm older, and that I've done research about it. He is coming out of jail on Friday and I really want to help him, I make 70k a year, he lives with his mom so I'm not concerned about getting him a job, car, phone place to stay and things like that, I am very concerned about his bipolarity, depression and anxiety. I want to make his adapting process as comfortable as possible. So I know that restaurants, crouded places, bringing negative things from the past, and things like should be avoid. Is there anything else that I can do to make him feel comfortable? I feel like everyone is focused on adpating financially after a prisioner comes out, but he has some real mental illnesses, and I know he can't do it on his own, and he will end up going back in no time if he is not in the right enviroment, ANY advice would be very appreciated it, so if someone out here with anxiety, drepression and bipolarity came out of jail, what do you think you wished you had? what would have made your mental adaptation easier when you came out of jail? or what would you have liked to do when you came out?

Thnak you so much! 

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  • Posted

    I think a bit of dignity and some real good mental health counselling would help a lot but unfortunately the mental health services are a mess at the moment would you be willing to maybe get a private counsellor? Have his medication reviewed sounds like their is something troubling him for rebounding in and out or could be something to do with the medication.you sound like a lovely caring forgiving person and their obviously is something keeping you together. Sorry can't be of more help i wish you both all the best and hopefully a brighter future together 🌻🌻

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    • Posted

      I offered some counseling when we were together because he was in my insurance when we were married. He CLAIMS that he has done it all. In and out of rehabs, got kicked out of them, scaped from them, finished the course and it didn't help him at all. He has seen tons of psychiatrists and they never helped and the medicine's side effects were killing him... I thought they were nothing but a whole bunch of excuses to keep getting high, as I was extremely intolerant with his illness because I didn't understand it. Do you think they were excuses or the addiction making him lie to himself ? I mean willing to try and pay for everything but he claims that they don't work AND he is atheists too so he refused to go to the church groups with me. I haven't spoken with him about this yet. Because is something that we fought over 24/7 so I'm afraid of brining it up. He claims that he is done with drugs and that he realizes NOW (he is 32, getting high since he was 12) that it's indeed an addiction and not just partying .. I want to believe him and trust him but at the same time I feel like his addiction is way bigger and stronger than what he thinks. Plus he stopped his bipolarity medication too for the side effects smh. Thank you for your help! I really don't know much about what being supportive towards him is like because his family has enable him all his life. So I don't know what else to do?

      Thank you for your response <3

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    • Posted

      Aw it's a hard one may be the addiction is the real problem or maybe he is going through the side effects of life after addiction which is toughest he is lucky he has the chances you have given him with rehab etc as most addicts who are desperate to get better would do anything to get into rehab. Without sounding to be cruel do you think he has had too much offered to him and needs to start appreciting what you have done and now it's time for some tough love so so sorry I can't be more helpful xx

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    • Posted

      All of these fights and issues happened 5 years ago, my tough love made me run away from him, because I wanted to stick to what I warned him that it would happen. His family enables him and have been cleaning his mess since he was 16 that's why I was hard on him to the point that I left him, filed for divorce and he went back to jail 3 times. My issue now is that I dont want to be judgmental and harsh as I was, and I want to try being loving and giving him the benefit of the doubt and trust him since he is 32 now. We haven't been together and he hasn't had my support for 3 years now, 2 weeks ago I wrote him a letter and he is coming out of jail on Friday. We used to workout together, tan outside and give each other massages when I used to try to comfort him. But I would like to hear from someone who has gone through the same stuff, what could your partner have done differently to help you ? Hold you ? Push you to get up and do stuff, he is terrified of being in crowded places and he thinks he will never have a normal life, he thinks he is a failure and his anxiety won't let him do anything especially after being in jail for so long 

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  • Posted

    You are a very loyal friend to this man, and that is wonderful. In my opinion, there will be only so much that you can do for him. I have bipolar disorder and my life is like a living nightmare without me taking my medications! If he refuses to take any medications for his bipolar disorder, then he is in real trouble. If you have not already, do read up on this disorder and see what it can do to the person who has it, and the people in (their) life. He will never have a stable life if he continues to do street drugs (Ketamine; I used to use a ton of Ketamine, by the way!) , and will not take any meds, or get therapy. I cannot imagine the more  chaos that my life would be if I did not see a therapist, psychiatrist, and take my meds daily. I am NOT saying that my life is by any means "normal," or a life that resembles any form of sanity, but that's another story. It doesn't matter what kind of environment he is in because he has untreated bipolar disorder. If he would like any resemblance of a balanced life, he needs to get professional help asap. I hope I helped you. Take good care!

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