My Experience with Herpes

I am a 28 year old female. I am smart, beautiful, educated, funny, and quite frankly, a damn good catch. Here is my story with genital herpes.

Six days ago, I was diagnosed with genital herpes. My gynecologist took one look at a bump on my pelvis and said, "I think it's herpes," before she even took a look down below. I couldn't even process what she had just said to me. All I could think was, "Me? Herpes? No way. This must be a bad dream, and tomorrow it will all be forgotten." Nope. This was now my reality.

She proceeded with the examination and threw in a, "Yup. This is classic herpes."

I had been experiencing a week from hell. My whole nether region was red, inflamed, swollen, burning. Using the bathroom felt like passing razor blades. I had a fever for days accompanied with chills all day/night long. I wasn't sleeping, and I wasn't eating because I was terrified to use the bathroom. I was living silently with this pain for days, because I didn't know what was going on and who I could talk to about this. All I did was pray and hope that this would sort itself out and tomorrow I'll be ok. But unfortunately, that was not the case. It was not getting any better. And I needed help from a professional.

I made an emergency appointment with the Gyno and decided to tell my mom that I think I have an infection going on down there. She was immediately understanding and took me to the dr. Once I got my diagnosis, I called her into the exam room and immediately broke down. She consoled me with words like, "Herpes is inside everyone. It's not a big deal." Easy for her to say. She wasn't the one with genital herpes. I took a blood test to determing whether it's HSV1 or HSV2 and am still awaiting my results. If I had to guess, I could bet my life on the fact that my (ex)partner (who gets cold sores on his mouth all the time) gave me HSV1 genitally through oral. I left with a presciption for Valtrex and a face full of tears. All I could think was, "Now what?"

Well, I've been doing a ton of research this past week. Not much else you can do when you're hibernating in the house waiting for this to pass. I also want to add that while this was happening, I also had an infected wisdom tooth coming in, surrounded by swollen gums. I had gone to Urgent Care and they immediately declared I had strep throat, even though the Strep test was negative. They sent me home with antibiotics. This was before my herpes diagnosis. It's still unclear whether the puss pockets in my mouth were due to my tooth infection or the herpes, but I am just glad to say that they have all cleared up. I have been taking antibiotics and Valtrex for the past 5 days, and I can finally eat, pee, and poop like a normal human being. (The pooping still hurts a bit, but we're definitely making progress.)

Now, I want to let everyone know that it does get better. The symptoms DO go away, and luckily for me, they went away rather quickly once I started the medication. I am curious to see how this monster inside me will behave once I finish my first round of meds. I have stocked up on Vitamin C and Lysine just in case. I have researched "triggers" but am also aware that these vary for everyone. So I have continued to drink my coffee and eat my chocolate, and so far, so good. I think. My period has also started, so I'm not sure how that is affecting my outbreak and symptoms. This is all so new to me, so I am learning along the way.

One thing that has changed, is that I am much more in-tune with my body. I am noticing every little tingle to the point of paranoia. I don't want to take meds for the rest of my life. I'm barely comfortable taking Advil when I have a headache. Medicine gives me anxiety, so I am determined to learn my prodrome symptoms so I can take action only when needed. This is my life from now on.

My biggest fear is dating with this monster inside me. Isn't that what it is? A monster lurking inside your body, just waiting for that moment of weakness and vulnerability to strike? I'm pretty sure I know exactly when and how I got this, and I can definitely say that it was during one of my lowest lows. I was extremely vulnerable, and the monster got the best of me. But I refuse to let it take over my life. I am not this disease.

I have read both horror and happiness stories regarding dating with herpes. I'm definitely not one to sleep around for fun, so that's not my concern. My biggest fear is meeting someone I can see a future with, someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, and have them walk away out of fear or disgust because of this stupid, stupid, thing inside me. I keep telling myself the right one will look past it. The right one will take the (very minimal) risk. But so many people are misinformed and ignorant when it comes to herpes. So many people fall victim to the stigma attached to this skin condition. It's going to be a tough challenge, and to be honest, I'm not ready for it. Hopefully, one day I am.

I still haven't come to terms with my diagnosis. There are moments when I'm like, "F it. This is silly and probably won't affect me much." And then there are moments where I'm like, "Why would anyone want to date me when I wouldn't even date me?" Those moments are the worst.

I still haven't told any of my friends about it. I have no idea how they would react, and I honestly don't trust that they would keep my secret. I definitely want to destroy the stupid herpes stigma, but I'm not ready to put myself out there. Not just yet. But with statistics like "1 in 4 women" and "1 in 5 men", why aren't more people talking about it?? I can't help but wonder how many people I already know who have this? If more people spoke up, it would be like talking about the flu, or mono, or a tooth infection. Sure, you wouldn't make out with someone infected with the flu, or mono, or a tooth infection, but those scenarios DO NOT define that person. Why is herpes any different?

We are all human beings, with feelings, and hopes, and dreams. And we all deserve to be loved. Herpes is so damn common, it's ridiculous. They don't even test for it regularly, because so many people have it! And with the possibility of transmission varying from 8% down to 1% (with medication AND condoms), what is the big damn deal, really??

I know this is only the beginning for me, but I will try my best to keep this positive outlook on my life. I will not let this monster take over. I have not informed my ex about my situation yet, but I definitely will once I receive my blood test results. He does not deserve to go on living his life blissfully unaware of the monster inside him, and the power her has over any woman he comes in sexual contact with in the future. No woman should have to experience the pain and suffering I experienced for 2 weeks, just because someone is unaware or totally uneducated about their own body. After I tell him, I hope I never see him again.

Some tips for anyone currently experiencing their primary outbreak:

- DRINK WATER. I avoided drinking for 2 days because it was so painful to pee, but water actually HELPS. It dilutes the urine and makes it sting so much less. As for pooping, I didn't poop for like 4 days because it was way too painful. I also couldn't eat because my whole mouth was swollen, so I didn't really have much in me to pass through.

- Sit in a bath or rinse with water whenever possible. This really helps relieve the burn.

- Ice packs are magical.

- Stock up on Ibuprofen!!

- If you can go commando at night, do it. The sores need air to heal.

- I used Desitin (40% zinc) on my sores and they completely dried out overnight. This worked for me, but everyone is different.

- It gets better! The pain will reside and you will start to feel like your normal self again. Within 3 days after starting Valtrex, I was able to pee without an ounce of pain, and that had made all the difference. The rest is cake after that.

I already feel better after this endless rant. Thank you all for reading. Even if just one person finds helpful advice or hope in my story, I will be happy. I have also been following a recent story about a promising herpes vaccine in research, which has made more progress than any study in the past. Let's hope this is achieved within the next few years, so we can put a complete end to not only this horrible stigma, but to this silly little disease, as well.

Please feel free to ask any questions or to share your own story. We are all in this together. 

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