My father killed my cat and I'm drowning in guilt

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hello. Long time no see. I haven't been here in a while since I've been doing great recently but some...incidents recently have changed that.

My father decided to give all four of our cats flea medicine designed for extra large dogs in order to "save money." This medicine contained permethrin, a chemical that is toxic and sometimes fatal to cats. Within moments one of my cats, Violet, the smallest of the bunch, was violently scratching at the application site and acting very erratic and strange. I didn't think that much of it at the time since she always acts strange after flea medication, but if I had acted immediately and washed the medicine off, it would have saved her life.

The next day, my other cat, Lily, who is Violet's daughter and the second smallest but still a fairly large cat, got very sick. She was trembling and drooling and was very uncoordinated, and was running a very high fever. I took her to the hospital and she was diagnosed with "very substantial" permethrin toxicity. She survived, thankfully, but Violet has yet to return to the house.

She hasn't shown up for dinner, and hasn't responded to her name being called. I examined the forest outside my house she usually hangs out in, but I couldn't find her. The vet I spoke to gave her "at most" a 50/50 chance of survival if treated, and much less if she was not treated.

It's been about four days since then and she still has not shown up. It's safe to say that my Violet is dead somewhere out there. After the hospital visit my father kicked me out of his house because I yelled at him for poisoning our cats with medicine that has a massive "keep away from cats, may be fatal" label on the front, but the pain from this pales in comparison to the pain I feel regarding my beautiful Violet.

I've never felt such horrible guilt in my life. If I had washed the medicine off the moment she started acting strange she would have likely survived, but since I didn't, she was poisoned and probably died. I allowed my father to kill her and he isn't even the least bit bothered by causing the death of his cat. I cried so much that night I took Lily to the hospital that I dehydrated myself into a migraine lasting a good day and a half. It hurts so much to know that I could've saved her, but I didn't.

How can I help myself to understand that it's not my fault that my father killed my baby girl? I need help or I'll spiral back down to where I was a year ago.

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    hi, I was reading your story..And would like you to give u some support to understand an important things. It wasent your fault and this is because u tried to safe your little cat.U gave 100% to help, Unfortunately ur dad is responsible and you know it.

    just dont get very depressed.It sad, I agree .

    Just remember u was doing your very best.

    I really hope this help you.

    And think that Lilly in a better place now.

    Best Wishe

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your kind words. My father is undoubtedly responsible for this but it just hurts knowing I could have done more, even if I didn't know it at the time.

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  • Posted

    Oh I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved kitty. I know how much losing a fur baby hurts. I still cry when I think about my past pets. Please do not feel guilty about her death, you did not cause it and the guilt will only make things worse. Your Dad may be angry because he is feeling guilty, many times people react that way. I really wish I could say something to make you feel better but I know how hard that is when your grief is so new and so strong. Please think about all the joy you shared with your kitty and focus on that love. Do not let any guilt damage your memories. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  • Posted

    hi angel baby, first thing is first. NEVER use the wrong dose of the wrong animal product on another animal. secondly - YOU did this how? answer YOU didn't! i just feel so so sorry for you! how many other animals did your dad keep before? thirdly you may NEVER forgive your dad. HE killed those cats accidentally i hope? poor animals! just you think how much you did for your cats. i am sorry you have had to endure this. 😪

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    • Posted

      My father had kept a dog or two in the past but he's never been great with animals, so I really shouldn't have put so much faith in him he'd care for the cats. Rest assured I will never forgive him for this. Thank you for your kind words.

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    • Posted

      hi angel baby, so glad the words were of comfort to you. as a cat lover i understand you, my cats are my babies and my world because i can never have children. you have every right to never forgive him. i wish you luck, peace and happiness

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  • Posted

    I am sorry for your loss. I grew up with cats and I would get upset when they died. But as others have said, this was your father's responsibility. It will take time to process the feelings of grief because of your loss and of anger towards your father.

    I pray that God will bring healing in your life.

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    • Posted

      Oh how awful and I am so sorry this happened. Your father is an idiot for doing this but you didn't realise at the time so please don't blame yourself. You did what you could and probably saved the life of the other cat so be relieved you did this. You could have lost 2 instead of 1 and don't forget Lilly might still be alive and taken in by another family. I hope so anyway.

      I am sure Lilly understand and has forgiven you (not that there is anything to forgive) and is now waiting for you at Rainbow Bridge for you to join her one day. But never ever let your father near your animals ever again. Also if you know he is mistreating any animals let the RSPCA (in the UK) know about it. If you live in another country then report him to your local animal charity. x

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