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my freak body

Posted , 3 users are following.

Miss_J
Miss_J

I feel no end in sight to the greif and guilt that my freak body killed our baby. Hospital staff, consutant and G.P. keep telling me is that I am a unique and special person, \"you could count the number of people around the whole world on one hand that have/had a second womb\". Oh well that's ok then, I feel so much better now for hearing that, Not !!!

My 'second womb' ruptured at 5 months pregnant, It was a lot smaller than the 'normal one'. Our baby was still alive when they operated, apparently if she had been just two weeks older they would of tried to of saved her. We have photos of her and her footprints and handprints, we also gave her a little cuddle named her Angel and said goodbye. My heart is braking, I was minutes from death, I wish I had of died. The Image of my partner carrying Angels tiny coffin through the church haunts me, I cant sleep, I dont want to sleep, the dreams, the nightmares, I just want it all to end. I want our baby back. :cry:

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • ella
    ella

    Posted

    Hi

    My hearth goes out to you.Me also i suffered from an ectopic pregnancy 2 years back. As I have been suffering from infertility it breakes my hearth to realise that on top of that my fertility has decrease with the removal of my tube. I was able to hear my baby's hearth beat but unfortunatly it was in the tube and needed to be removed. I convinced myself that it was a boy and in our hearth me and my husband we name him jude. As from that day we are still trying to get pregnant but in vain and to make matter worse IVF is not available in my country, so I am depending on nature.

    So do not despair, if you want to email me I promise to reply to you and try to support each other.Thanks again and all the best.

    ella

  • Rowena
    Rowena

    Posted

    Hi

    I am so sorry to hear of your dreadful experience. I had an ectopic pregnancy 14 years ago with twins and I had many emotions over the next few years.

    Please do not try to apportion blame, it is one of the worst things that nature can do to a woman, but you are alive, and you have survived this experience. Try and deal with each day as it comes and please believe me, it will get better, but you sound as if you need more structured help. Admit you have a grief problem and ask your GP to refer you to a grief counsellor - you can go alone or with your partner, and start to work through your emotions.

    I really believe that it changed my life, I was in a job I hated and earning great money and I quit and now have my own business (very small) doing what I want to when I want to. Please now grasp life with both hands and try to look forward not backward. I am sure that Angel would have wanted you to live and move forward.

    I named mine when my best friend became pregnant and I had real problems dealing with it - so one late night we got the baby name book out and just left it to open on names.

    The first name was Chance! the second Alana (which means a long way). I have now purchased 2 stars and named them after my children. I have got one that shines on August 11th (the date I lost them) and December 11th (the date they were due)

    Please try and get good counselling, GP's offer a good service but they are only \"General Practitioners\" and not specialists. Ask them for what you need they should help.

    I am having a hysterectomy in September so I have some funny emotions now, but please let me know how you are getting on

    Rowena

    L

  • ella
    ella

    Posted

    hi Rowena

    after i wrote in telling my dreadful experience with ectopic 4 years back, i'm proud to announce that i give birth to a beautiful baby girl on the 13th of April 2008 . We named her kerryl , maria. I prayed and have faith that one day god will answer my prayer and my prayer has been answered. I'm so happy that sometimes it feels like i'm dreaming .To you all out there please do not despaire as after the storm there will be sunshine smile smile smile

    ella

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