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Ok so this is getting very upsetting for me now

about 10 years ago i was in a serious relationship lasted for 5 years all was pretty well until 1 day i found out i was being cheated on for 6 months how i never saw it i never know

due to this and not really knowing has causes me some major issues with new relationships the normal and dreaded trust issues kick in ask questions annoy people get binned before it gets going

so 3 years ago i met up with a lovely girl

at this time not fully knowing of my gad

we spent some good time together after a year we got some great news she was pregnant happy face amazing we had had a few rows but nothing too serious

after she gave birth to our amazing daughter we moved in with each other all good fantastic making our own little family happy face again

7 months later we find out she is pregnant again

after the birth of our amazing son things started getting abit heated arguments picked up i started feeling more and more insecure rolling back to starting to think unhappy gf I'm gonna be binned

that never happened but recently she has been wanting time out which i do agree she needs but now this has become a problem loads of males around starts my mind off

she will ask how i am i say fine to start with not wanting to cause a problem but as the hours start to pass i change i get sick feelings worry bad thoughts horrible images in my head which gets me down really bad

not long after this i had a complete breakdown n left after trying to explain that the past hasn't gone well for me at all cheated on many times 1 of which was a friend that clearly only wanted my gf

we have recently been talking about things but in told i annoy her with my sudden change of feeling and that in just attention seeking and trying ruin her time out which isn't the case

now i feel alone and everyday has been a big struggle for me thinking all sorts n panicking loads too nobody seems to understand i feel or wants to talk with me if they do i get the normal answers get over it or its life deal with it

yes that's my aim but how if nobody has time for me

can anybody give me some advise or words that might help me out because its not getting any better n i do have a fear that feeling this everyday is taking its toll on my body already have the chest pain n aches the sleepless nights no appetite always feeling sick i don't want to feel this way no more and being a 28 year old male with this problem seems to make it harder to be taken seriously

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  • Posted


    It is going to take time to trust her.

    I know what you are going thru...I was with someone for 22 years..that cheated on me with alot of women...and then with my SISTER.

    I never trusted anyone....after that.

    I am with a guy now (4 years)...I was extremely jealous at first and then I got tired...tired of being jealous...and I said to him and to myself...IF it is going to will happen and I can't stop it....

    I asked him if he would at least give me the respect that if he had feelings for someone else to LEAVE me...go to his Moms...go somewhere..but don't live in the same house with me and decieve me.

    Then...I had to try and let those feelings go.....those fears...and it is hard..and it took time.  We don't have alot of time apart...but I go to bed early and he sometimes goes out to bars...and he goes out on those Friday late nights and those Saturdays any day actually..but the Fri and Sat used to bother me the most.

    After a while...when he kept coming home and didn't have a "set" pattern of when he was going out (like he was meeting someone)...I started to breathe...he now belongs to a gym...and so do I....we sometimes go together which is comforting...and we sometimes go apart.

    Do you think she would be open to taking you to the same bar with her just once in a while so that you could build that comfort level?  Not all the time and not with the overhanging feeling that you are checking up on her..but JUST to hang out together.

    Do you have a night out together alone ever?  If you don't...maybe instead of jumping right in to hanging out with to her about having a night out together.

    Remember..and this was hard for me too...jealousy pushes people away....and it also makes us feel sick.

    I can say more..but I have to go to store right now.

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  • Posted

    Mhm. Im torn here. You have two small children now. Are you overwhelmed by that? This is a completely different scenario here. Im sorry your first gf cheated in you, 20-25 is very different then 28 and two children. Im sorry you feel alone and have GAD..that sucks and anxiety is a hard bully to deal with but you have two small children. Your gf is raising two small children correct? You havent mentioned much in that area. Under the best of circumstances the Mother if two small children is very busy and tired. Hardly time for any kind of cheating, so im wondering is it the whole situation here that might be making you nervous. You know it is a lot of responsibility and does remove the one on one time and when you live with GAD or any anxiety disorder you become very vulnerable, sensitive and at times needy. Some of those cant be met because the little ones need to be raised and cared for. Im not sure what say here. I would say definetly get into therapy you have a few issues going on here at once.  Do you live together now? Are you an active parent to your little ones?
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  • Posted

    Hey john, you definitely have major anxiety. You have to get that under control first,or you will not be any good to figure out anything about your relationship. First call your family GP, or doctor, and get on a antidepressant for anxiety. In a couple of weeks you will feel better.  Now going out together with the girls once in a while to lunch,or shopping is fine. But I will say, that going out to the bars on a Fri, or Sat night, is a no no. Many a relationship has fallen by the waste side doing that. She has children, and a boyfriend at home. Having couples  and their children over to your home for a barbacue  is one thing, but there is no reason to hang in a bar,because only bad will come of it. I have seen it time, and time again.She will have to decide what's more important. You guy's should go out as couples. That's just common sense, if she want's your relationship to grow. You are right in your feeling's with that. She will have to make a choice. Now,  People don't know what it's like to have anxiety, and panic attacks,unless you've been there,It's  hell on wheel's, and takes over your life,and were not sure if were coming or going. Please get that squared away,so you can move forward. You have to be good for your children. Good luck John.

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  • Posted

    Morning all thank u all for the advise on this

    in answer to a few of the questions

    regarding the babies yes she is the more active parent which i understand is tiring for her and stressful and her night out is to give her that break which obviously i want her to have as im at work everyday but i do take over caring for babies when I finish work

    but it turns into early hours rolling in which hits me because half hour to her feels like hours to me

    i have tried to talk to her about this problem not to make things difficult but at times she will argue with me saying im trying to control her n gibe her times to be in but again this is not the case as i want her to have a time she deserves out to chill and relax

    we are currently now living apart as i had a heavy attack n i was alone n she didn't really seem to bothered or wanting to talk to me about things

    i am still trying to be part of the babies lifes of course i do but that gets hard as the rows that have been have hurt us both heavy

    feels like the things I want to do are harder as i get informed im just annoying her or making her feel like she cant have a life i just don't understand and even talking to her annoys her when i explain about my feelings so she wants to cut me out when that to me is not right and doesn't help anybody

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    • Posted

      Oh im so sorry. It seems she doesnt understand you or have much compassion for the anxiety. Truth.  Thats sad. Well id say you do your share in terms of being a good Father and such and if she agrees to marriage counseling thats nice, otherwise you go into therapy and see whats going on with you. You explained that very well by the way. Very clear. Your mind is working nicely at least. You deserve people who can relate to you, we all do. And dont bother thinking you can teach compassion, you cant. The very reason so many cant relate or push away people with anxiety disorders they lack compassion. Of course the very same people who if they ever experienced a wave of terror wash thru them would be on their knees crying ..the irony is immense. I tend to dislike people who have no compassion overall. I get they dont understand the anxiety stuff but they are selfish or self absorbed. Lets be real. Yes its draining on everyone around you, it is very draining and yea you need to do your part in this and get help and take the help, but people need to cut the crap too and be kinder. What are they so busy doing anyway. Making a living to have a lovely family and life and yet become idiots to there families? They are working in a project to make it more out there in the media and public about anxiety disorders but i haven't seen this project come to life yet. Ill be blunt many people who have cancer are treated crappy too and many spouses walk out. So human nature hasnt really progressed that much  from the animals we are. It is just the nature of humans. Then there are lovely people out there filled with compassion and kindness. They exist. You have to seek them out. You will atrract people in your life as well. So imagine a compassionate person. I would suggest therapy, following thru with therapy and if possible getting into an on site support group. You deserve love too. You can not exist to please her needs whilst shes not interested in yours. Character tends to show itself in bad times not good happy times. 

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  • Posted

    Hey john,She does not want you anymore. So sorry for that. It's all about her. She want's to move on. You need to establish visitation with your kid's, and let her go. Get yourself squared away,and you can move forward too. Take care of your babies.

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