My girlfriend broke up with me because she has depression and doesn't feel nothing.

To quickly summarize, when I started dating my girlfriend in September of last year, she told me that 1 year ago she had a depressive episode for very strong family reasons and that she did not feel anything at that moment, neither joy nor sadness, one of the The reasons are that she moved to the city where I live, in her uncle's house and it's a pretty bad environment for her, according to what she tells me, that whole season she told me that she cried every day and finally she was able to move into an apartment alone, and there, little by little she improved until we met and started dating. Since December of last year, my girlfriend told me that there were some things that were making her feel bad, they were family matters and partly also that I was going to go on a trip to another country for a month, however, she also told me that she didn't want to be selfish. And that she wanted me to enjoy my trip. She had to spend all Christmas and New Years at her uncle's house, and she will stay there for personal reasons until March before returning to her apartment. The fact is that since December she told me that she was beginning to feel bad, however, she was still quite affectionate with me, and little by little I noticed how she became less affectionate, and after the New Year, things got quite cold between we. She didn't say many romantic things to me, etc.

However, from time to time she would tell me that she loved me very much. Finally when I got back from my trip in January, we couldn't see each other right away because she was busy, that's what she told me. So a week after I came back we saw each other, and she gave me kisses, and all that. Then the weeks went by and although we saw each other once or twice a week, I noticed that she was less physically affectionate with me, in general she was never super expressive, but she did like physical contact a lot. The fact is that maybe I made a mistake and I really regret it, I'm sorry I pushed her because sometimes I wanted her to be more affectionate with me both with words and with physical actions like hugging me more, kissing me and that kind of thing, I told her that I really missed that. But she told me that she loved me, that everything was fine between us, that how she felt had nothing to do with me or our relationship.

It continued like this until a few days ago, when she suddenly told me in the night "I feel like we have to break up, I'm hurting you and it hurts because I know you don't deserve all this. I'm sorry for everything, but I really don't feel anything, I've been confused for a while now of what I feel because in general I am not feeling anything and I must be aware that I am relapsing like a year ago. You always supported me in everything and I don't want to drag you down with me, I'm sorry for telling you that I loved you when I was confused. I guess I wanted to have you with me. I'm sorry for being so selfish, but I don't have anything clear, I just don't feel anything and I don't even understand myself" Those were her words in summary. And I don't know, I have the feeling that all of this could be the episode of depression that she's having right now, that it's not really that she doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me anymore, but that all these problems are making her feel that way. I just want to support her, I told her maybe we could come back when she feels better and she said "I can't promise you anything, I don't know the future and I don't want to keep you there hoping". In the end I told her that I would stay waiting for her anyway, that I was here if she needed me, that we don't have to talk these days if she doesn't feel like it, or go out together, but that I'll wait for her.

She told me "thank you and I'm sorry. I don't know if i'll feel like talking these days, let alone talking about all this." To which I finally replied that it was fine, that if she needs to go through this alone, she could take all the time she needs for herself and that I will be there if she needs me at any time. I really love her very much, she is a person like no other I have ever met, and it hurts me to see her like this, and it hurts me too when she tells me that she doesn't feel anything anymore, that in general she doesn't feel anything.

But I really think that this could be due to the relapse that she is having, that it is not something permanent, and I don't know. I'm willing to wait for her, I don't care if it must be months, I guess what I came here to ask is if depression can make her say all that and that it's not something that is necessarily permanent, if it can be the depression talking. She really made me feel very loved, she told me on many occasions before the situation was like this that she appreciated me very much, that she liked everything I represented, how I supported her, that everything was easier with me, etc. In fact, even though we "broke up," she still have our photos on her Instagram account.

Like I said I'm willing to wait for her, and I know it may not change nothing. But I really want to know if in your experiences, these types of situations with depressed people do not reflect what the person really feels, but it is the depression that speaks for them, and in that case, what is the best thing I can do for her?

Also, I know that waiting for someone in this situation can be risky for my mental health, but I believe that she and everything she represents to me are worth the risk. I really think we were very good as a couple for each other. Despite our young age, I sincerely believe that we were a very good couple. There was never any toxicity, no jealousy at all, and we were very honest about how we felt and our expectations. She helped me a lot in different things and I don't want to walk away if there is a chance that all this is depression causing her to push people away.

Sorry if my English is very bad, it is not my native language.

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